z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Highlights of the day

by Zenith


Snippets of conversations with the details blurred.

A thousand different melodies of a hundred different songs;
All running in synchronicity in a never-ending loop.
But it's all the same to someone lacking comprehension of feelings.

Playing make-believe with people I will never meet ;
From faraway lands of a fictional show.

And a whole bunch of physics facts.
Every little bit of information about the bosons and fermions,

Adding to the one before- an infinite joining of dots;
For that is the only way I will ever know how to piece together the being that is 'me'.

This is all that my today was made up of;

And yesterday too and the day before.

Sometimes I wonder if I even exist beyond the things I have experienced or the knowledge I have gained.

Do I even want to?


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Mon Apr 26, 2021 6:26 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Zenith

Mailice here with a short review! :D

This was a wonderful poem with a very strong choice of words. I liked how you manage to describe your day with such elegance, which seems beautiful yet sad, as you can read in some of the lines. One can relate to the many points and can wonderfully put oneself in the poem.

All running in synchronicity in a never-ending loop.


I really like this line because I think one can refer it not only to the previous line, but also to the general day that repeats itself all the time and one doesn't do anything new, as it is also mentioned later.

From faraway lands of a fictional show.


I think this is my favourite line because you can extend it to so many aspects than just television or books for example. With the previous line in combination, I even go so far as to say that this "fictional show" refers to one's own life and how we all go through the world wearing masks.

And a whole bunch of physics facts.
Every little bit of information about the bosons and fermions,
Adding to the one before- an infinite joining of dots;
For that is the only way I will ever know how to piece together the being that is 'me'.


This is such a tragic and yet great description, and I think it has its own charm. It seems so realistic, almost as if you have lost all hope and don't even see yourself as living being, but as one day decaying flesh.

This is all that my today was made up of;
And yesterday too and the day before.


At first I didn't like these two lines because they lack the imagination and expressiveness of before. But on reading it a second time, I can say that it's still very good because it describes this grey, neutral everyday mood. There is nothing to experience and only boredom to mingle with the above lines, the music and the media, but even that withers away with each new awakening.

I think ending the poem with a question is well done, firstly because the poem relates to many people and encourages them to ask if they want to change anything, and secondly because I had the impression that the poem also wants to address the reader. This reflection of seeing oneself in the poem brings to light the sad truth that we are all on the ropes of society and capitalism. But I think that's going too far with the interpretation now. :D

Enjoy the writing and hope for beautiful days ahead!

Mailice.




Zenith says...


Oh your interpretations are really good and I'm glad you found it interesting. I wrote it this one time when I was quite frustrated with the monotonicity of every day and I felt like I wasn't doing anything productive with my life. It's not edited but you still managed to interpret it so well. Thank you for the review. :)



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Tue Apr 13, 2021 2:07 pm
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TheClosetWriter wrote a review...



One of the strongest aspects of this poem is that it is so terribly relatable. As I take physics and carry out a lot of the patterns described in these lines, it is very interesting to see them in a poetic format. The notion that one could find songs in each day and be so aware of their surroundings is additionally ever entertaining. Furthermore, the message of this poem is quite powerful but there are some minor changes I would make.


"Snippets of conversations with the details blurred."

Something about this line is just a little hard to read. Maybe rearranging the words could give it more flow? It is important to begin a poem with an opening line just as intriguing as the last. Perhaps, "Snippets of conversation - the details blurred." Little changes, eliminating articles and focusing on the lyrical qualities of a poem can really improve it.

"For that is the only way I will ever know how to piece together the being that is 'me'."

Although I love too see variation in line length, excerpts such as this one can definitely be broken down into two or even three lines. Perhaps, "For that is the only way I will ever know/how to piece together/ the being that is 'me'." Still, the meaning behind this part of the poem also makes it stand alone. It is such a deep thought.

"Playing make-believe with people I will never meet."

This line is my favorite within the piece as it really displays the author's ability to harness poetic mood. There is something so dreamy about this concept and it paints a captivating image as well.

"Sometimes I wonder if I even exist beyond the things I have experienced or the knowledge I have gained.
Do I even want to?"

This conclusion is incredible, especially as it directly captures the main idea of the poem without being obvious or unpoetic. I love how it ends the piece on a question as there is a lot to ask about the monotony of each day.

Philosophical ideas in this poem are so advanced that this piece will stand out impeccably. It has given me a lot to think about during my day. :)




Zenith says...


Thank you for the review. I put up this poem without any editing at all and I'll get around to making the changes soon. I'm glad that you find it relatable especially since it's not so well formatted. :)




When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio