Young Writers Society

Yeah, I've gone so far, I might as well review the rest of these. I enjoy seeing how your style of poetry writing has evolved anyways, and here we have one that is centered. Interesting.

I really like that line "For which master shall I slave / the one whom my young life saved?" the turns here between love and hate and maser and servant, life and death are all interesting pulls within this poem. Now the line about the speaker's mother seemed a bit out of place, like I'm reading along and there's no indication the poem is about a mother and then suddenly we get the detail "I should live for my mother" this makes me confused as to whether this poem is talking about a whole bunch of people or just one person. If it's about a whole bunch of people you might want to make that clearer so that readers dont' think all the characteristics just go together.

Last little critique, you had a lot of the same sentence beginnings in this poem (a lot of lines began with "for" or "I" or "to") I would advise mixing it up a little, or at least try not to do it more than twice. This keeps the poem from becoming stale while the reader is getting through it, and variety also tends to makes pieces more engaging to read in my opinion.

Overall, an interesting theme that I've rarely seen addressed in poetry.

~alliyah

This is a Team Werewolves Review for Review Day. Happy Review Day to you!

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

So, first thing I notice is that a few places are missing commas. That line would be "Or should I give my life away". Otherwise everything melted well together and do you mind if I say my favorite line? I am gonna tell you anyways. My favorite line wold have to be "For this question is but fyfe." I absolutely love how you used the word fyfe and this line made the poem for me, it really did.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that you don't know who you should help in this world. You feel like you owe so many debts to so many people and yet again, you don't. Should help those closest to you or others that you know truly need the help. By the end, you think that you should care for yourself first, make sure that you are okay before you go into the sinking ship to save others.

Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

Hey! I like this poem a lot, it makes you think.

A few suggestions though:

In your 3rd and 4th stanzas, it disrupts your rhyme scheme.

As far as I can see, the line below the first is supposed to rhyme to the one above, and this is constant - AND GREAT!!! - in all the lines but the 3rd and 4th.

This is a tad off putting seeing as 1. it's at the start of the poem and 2. it overall makes it a tad messy.

Another suggestion: I think the manner in which you ask questions in the poem is either a little bit too often or not often enough. I'll explain.

You use them so often but there isn't a pattern so it seems messy.

If you could ask a question every (e.g.) 3rd line or something, that is truly what categorises great poetry from good poetry.


All in all I love this, it's very deep and well thought. But yeah just keep in mind the aesthetics of the poem and stuff like that. - Tiana

I'm not that good at reviewing poetry but I'll give this one a go.

To whom do I owe my life,
to the one who gives me strife?
I think this would be twice as powerful if the first line was a question in itself. With its own question mark. When reading, I didn't combine the two, I just paused after the first line. I think a lot of other readers would do that too, so I suggest you give it its own question mark.

the one whom my young life saved?
All your other lines rhyme really well, but this one just didn't fit. Not sure how to fix, you'd have to brainstorm some more words.

The question of this poem, the whole dilemma of who you're living for, caring about, owned by, etc... it's really clear that this poem is about that problem. It didn't impact me that much though. It was the flow- the formal language was perhaps a little too formal for me, and I was too focussed on getting the rhythm right that I missed the message. I agree with Burrow, though, apart from that one line your rhyming was really good.

Good rhyming in there, I enjoyed reading that

Very wonderful poem! A couple suggestions:

There was a little confusion in this section- -

For which master shall I slave,
the one whom my young life saved?

I don't know to whom I belong,
or to whom I trust in wrong.