Young Writers Society

Ooh! A short poem! alliyah is here again for a review because of review day and all that.


So this was short, but you still hit most of the elements I look for in a poem {metaphors, characterization, some conflict/narrative element, theme}.

I know punctuation and grammar stuff can be annoying to get feedback on, so ignore if you're not interested in this section:
In short poems, ever letter and even every punctuation mark totally count, since you don't have a lot room to express what you mean. I think this piece has an example of an exclamation mark done correctly. Generally, I despise exclamation marks because they often make a good line over-kill. But here, the exclamation goes perfectly with the statement and the transition to utter confidence that the end of the poem has.

Now in the second to last line, I don't understand why this is a sentence all by itself - for me that didn't quite go with what it was saying about the river being flowing and continual - and made the last three lines more choppy. I think the very last line would stand out more if you didn't have the second to last line as its own sentence.

Moving on to the content of the piece:
I appreciated that you started with formal language (alas) and you kept it going without putting in a bunch of modern phrases and references -- good conistency.

One element I was missing a bit of was imagery - the sea has so much good stuff you could draw on from water to sky to waves - if you can put any of that in I think it would make the poem even stronger.

All of the lines made sense/fit with the theme pretty well - in fact that's another real positive of this piece - it was really focused on getting one idea across and then it did just that. The one line I thought was a bit iffy was the second one "leaving behind the happy medium" - first, "happy" is just a weak adjective, second, I initially read this as like a "medium" like the person and was confused, third, I'm not sure what the medium is actually referring to so it ends up just being a filler line. Everything else I thought fit the poem and was expressed clearly and succinctly.

I interpreted this poem as a person sort of meditating on how life just keeps going forward like a river and that if you come to terms with the fact that you can't go backwards this is how you're really going to get momentum. Since we can't go and change the past we might as well go full speed ahead into what lies beyond in the future.

Thanks for sharing your piece!

~alliyah

Another Team Werewolves Review. Happy Review Day to you!

Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started.

So, first thing I notice is that one line is missing a comma. That line would be "leaving behind the happy medium". It all flowed pretty well when I read it and I think my favorite line would have to be
"leaving behind the happy medium". I feel like this line holds most of the poems meaning and it speaks to me personally.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that as time goes on, things seem to get worse for you and you wish that you could find that sweet spot, the place that is the most joy-filled for you. So all yo can do is push through the pan and hope that things will get better for you. For others maybe.


Overall, I liked the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now, Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!

Hey, here for a review!

Let's just get right into it, especially since this is a short and sweet poem.

I don't really like the syntax of the first line. Instead of "Alas, forward flows time" you could make it more comfortable to read like "Alas, time flows forward" or some rearrangement. It would flow better and sound a bit less wonky.

I believe that your strongest line is

leaving behind the happy medium

from which I draw strength.

Hello, ZeldaIsShiek! Lupa here for a shiny review! Let's start.

1) Your first line, despite the wording, doesn't flow very well. I understand that this is a formal-diction poem, but the order of your words makes it hard to get around. I suggest just putting it as: "Alas, time flows forward,".

2) "This is a river that can not be stopped." First of all, I don't really appreciate the use of the word "this." You're talking about time, but it's not a very good noun to use. Replacing it with "Time" would also work better.

3) The last line was pretty cool, actually. I liked the metaphor in your poem a lot, and "Full sail!" was just a perfect ending to it. Kudos to you for that.

I couldn't find much to critique, really. I liked it--it's short and sweet, and it conveys a pretty nice message. Well, keep writing, ZeldaIsShiek!

XOX,
Lupa22