Young Writers Society

Hi, ZeldaIsShiek! Storm's here to do a review.

You open with a bland line typical of an essay written for school. I understand that you probably were told to write it that way, so I won't critique that particular part. However, in the very next line, you use a word that doesn't make a whole lot of sense given the context.

I have: and I will never forget how important courage is in our lives hence it's happening.

This is the recounting of events that led up to, made up, and followed the act of courage that the aforementioned act of courage that besited that boy on the day that it was performed.

It was the perfect day for a quick stroll out to the culdesac on which the boy grew up.

The day was turning out to be the quintessential day for a hike through the bombastic forest sitting right beside the humble home that he woke and slept in, day from day.

All that was planned has turned to seed spread across dead ground, however the situation, there was no chance of using this day for what that boy had planned.

The second we set eyes on Luca, my father's engagement, Shelli, loved him with her whole heart.

Meeting Luca, a black fuzzy Bichon Noir dog, was a pleasant experience overall.

Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me. But what if those words are instilled with courageous love and justice?

How do you do? Remington38 here

I really liked this and thought it was the cutest thing ever. The title instantly caught my attention as just over all this was a very heart warming story. I am so sorry about Luca, he sounds like a fantastic dog. This is really connecting to the reader, which is kinda hard in my case cause I have never had a pet dog. The word choice was excellent and this was just filled to the brim with emotions. You are a very talented writer, have a wonderful day.

This is Nikayla here for a review!

So I see that this is a bit of an article or an essay and plays out sort of as a narrative. There's a lot of pathos within this which is something that I think fits the rest of the article since you are talking about your own experience. It has a similar feel to a memoir in that you're talking about a memory or part of your own life, but this is more of a specific thing rather than a time or place. It's something that I think I would have liked to see more of in the essay. Something that I wanted to touch on is the title that you have, "Love Hurts".

I dislike the title of the essay because it's rather general and when I went into this I had no idea what it was going to be and I think you should pick something that better represents what the essay is actually about. The paragraphs here are rather large and we don't really delve into the story of Luca until the last two paragraphs which is something that I wanted to point out. I would like more of the time on the article or essay to be spent on talking about Luca rather than the first two paragraphs sort of rambling on about broad topics such as love hurting and bravery.

You can implement these themes into your writing while you talk about Luca. I suggest making more of an opening paragraph that overviews what you say in the story and while broad statements are good for the first paragraph, I think the voice you use sounds a little too voice-y or disconnected from the rest of the article. We see that this essay outlines the theme of being brave, and how someone who can get past a death and still love the person or animal that passed away. Overall, the article/essay worked for what it was though I would like to know more about Luca throughout it.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

What really happened to our dog?

This is great...really great. Personal grief and sadness where always some of my favourite themes in literature (yeah, I know. I just like it) and the way this is described feels awesome. I loved the build-up and the resolution. The beginning was awesome too, with a too real question that a lot of people have asked themselves (and others) during their lifetime, something to think about. The reversal at the end is also great and very touching, something relatively unexpected. I also like how you use a touching and emotional story to expand upon, what seems, a relatively simple concept. BTW - did this happen in real life (to you or someone close to you), or is it something imaginary ? Because if it is the second thing, then major chapeau to you, since one would think it takes a lot of effort in order to conceive a story like that out of thin air. I also adored the way you described courage - felt like a real emotion. This is seriously some great stuff. Looking forward to reviewing more of your works.

No! Luca died! D': <Please ignore.