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Helpless Glows

by YourFriendQuirks08

I wandered through the deep, dark alleys as I gathered my thoughts. I was alone, finally. I could have a minute of peace to really think for myself ; not for him or her. It felt strange. I was allowed to think without the others yelling behind me…

I continued to slowly jaunt through the lane. There were rubbish bags scattered all over the place, some coming up to my waist in a filthy stench. The rain fell harshly onto my thin, ripped hoodie, however it was silent. I kicked a puddle of dirty, brown mud: I messed up my boots to shreds, who was I to care though.

I shuddered in the bitter breeze and hugged myself tight. I carried on walking...softly...down...the...lane. My glasses fogged up to the point where I chucked them on the floor, the sudden shatter of the lenses made my heart jump. I walked quicker now, to avoid the now revolting smell of the rubbish sacks.

I wanted to go home but I couldn’t. I had no home now after all, just my soaked rags and a mini phone, with nothing more than a narrow, broken screen and 4 buttons still intact. Why did I bother anymore? It was not like someone was going to love me, so why bother? I stumbled on a large rock ; I kicked it to satisfy my irritation however hurt my toe in the process.

I had a weird gut feeling to run, so I did...I had no idea where I was going but I figured to just take a left turn, towards the distant glows of lanterns. The warm gold shimmer of the light beckoned to me to come. I had no clue what was in our city, I just had a thought to follow the light. I heard distant laughs and this was what a city is: cheery and social. Everything but me. I listened in, attempting to translate the remote mumbles of the people from hundreds, possibly thousands of metres away.

I carried on walking down a quiet, bleak path until I reached a crossing. I couldn’t even care enough as to look both ways, I just lumbered myself across the road. I looked at my phone for a displayed a message from mother.

“I am so disappointed in you Rachel. You are out of your mind missy” I felt lost. My own mother couldn’t say anything but hurtful words against me, criticism, insults ; anything apart from love.

That is when I realised, to follow the lanterns… 

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Points: 80
Reviews: 3

Fri Apr 09, 2021 6:44 am
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KWN wrote a review...

Wow it's really amazing. Good job. I love how you added the lanterns. I feel like it really adds to the story. It started kind of gloomy but really at the end it really started to light up. It was good how you were telling the reader how the main character felt. You really used the right words to show the reader the mood of the story. It was also nice because I felt like I could imagine everything you were talking about, like a movie. That was done very well. please keep on writing your very talented and good luck. byeeeeeeeee

Thank you so much. It means a lot to hear that!! I know that there are a few mistakes in there with my grammar but overall I am pretty proud of it.

Stay Safe
Love Rubes :)

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176 Reviews

Points: 16908
Reviews: 176

Thu Apr 08, 2021 7:10 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi Yourvirtualquirkyfriend08,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

First of all, I'd like to note that I really enjoyed the story and despite the dark mood, there is that spark of hope at the very end. I could have thought of it sooner if I had paid attention to the title. :D

You have a very soothing way of writing. You try to combine several stylistic devices together, which I like a lot. Despite the first person narrator, I think you describe it well without going too deep into character. You don't immediately get sympathy for Rachel and you don't need to be told what happened that she just ran away (?) and wandered.

Another plus I think is how you spread out in the story trying to describe her clothes, like her glasses or boots. You incorporate it very well and it's almost not noticeable that Rachel walks through the world as a "faceless" person, just as if everyone is struck by this feeling of not being noticed by anyone.

On a plot level it's a very well done story, I liked how you worked with the device of "less is more". It's that weird feeling you have as a child/teenager that no one likes you and the only way you can get away is to run away. The question that ultimately still plagues me is what exactly happened. But maybe it's good not to know :D I've become very sympathetic to Rachel because she has finally found light after all this sadness and despair. (I interpret it as something positive and not as "light" you see when you die to describe a possible suicide).

I messed up my boots to shreds, who was I to care though.

Here I think there should be a question mark at the end. Or you could split the sentence and add a question mark to the second sentence.

I really liked the story and hope to read more like it from you!

Have fun with your writing!


Thank you so much for your comment. I wanted to create imagery for the reader however not overly describe the scene. I like to incorporate realistic, suspenseful stories ; it works with my style of writing.

Yes! I should have put a question mark there, just a simple grammar error I should have checked. That was my 1st story I have written on here so I was more focused on the mood created than the actual story line if I am honest.

Thanks again for taking the time to read as well as review my story: it makes me feel great both writing and receiving honest opinions from others similar to me!

Stay safe,
Love Rubes :)

As a writer, I'm more interested in what people tell themselves happened rather than what actually happened.
— Kazuo Ishiguro