I was very impressed with this poem. The grace it brings with the way you use rhythm and rhyming is really nice! You definitely sound like you know what you’re doing!
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In realms where love unfolds its tender wings,
A cupid and an angel met, two celestial beings.
One with arrows, mischief in their eyes,
The other, pure and graceful, from heavens skies.
A cupid, flowing with whimsy's delight,
Delighting in bringing lovers their dearest plight.
Their arrows flew, casting spells of adoration,
But in a twist of fate, caused their own vexation.
a careless shot, a heavenly mishap,
The cupid arrow struck the angel's pure heart.
A love so forbidden, an electric spark,
Kind within their souls, a love with no mark.
The cupid, once carefree, now burdened by a spell,
Yearning for an angel whose love they cannot quell.
Their once arrows now etched with guilt,
For their own affections, they themselves had built.
The angel, entangled in love's fragile snare,
Their celestial duty now consumed by despair.
Torn between covenants and their newfound desires,
They longed to embrace the cupid's passionate.
Yet the heavens watched, their gazes unwavering,
Sending messengers and trials their love unwavering.
But the cupid and angel, resolute and brave,
Stood united against celestial authority's wave.
Through celestial storms and tests of devotion,
They clung to their, an ethereal emotion.
Defying boundaries, they built their own path,
Love, guiding light, shielding them from wrath.
In the realm where love transcends all control,
The cupid and angel found everlasting solace, whole.
For love knows no boundaries, no heavenly decree,
Their forbidden love, a testament to destiny.
So let their love soar, like a celestial dove,
Bound together forever, cupid and angel in love.
Through the realms of eternity, their hearts entwined,
Their forbidden love, a tale timeless, divine.
I was very impressed with this poem. The grace it brings with the way you use rhythm and rhyming is really nice! You definitely sound like you know what you’re doing!
Hello! ^_^
I really like this poem!! Forbidden love is really cool subject to write about especially in poetry!! I think there's something so beautiful about it heheh and you've really ran with it!! I think I'm most drawn to the line "For love knows no boundaries, no heavenly decree" because !!! it's true !!! Free will and love are closely related for a reason and that's a good, true line
I wish there was more about the love though!! For a love poem, it's kinda lacking some of the lovey dovey elements you'd expect. I really liked this though!! You have a good setting anddd great worldbuilding here
Please keep writing!!
Veda <3
Hi there - welcome to YWS! I’m Lim, and I’m here to review your poem.
General Impressions
This poem seemed quirky and cute in the first half, with the idea of a cupid accidentally making themself fall in love with an angel, and then became more of a tragic or epic love story in the second half when they face the wrath of the heavens (plus angsty inner conflicts).
Speaking of “cupid”, this might be the first time I’ve seen “cupids” represented as though they’re a whole species – I thought Cupid was an individual deity and not a group of entities like cherubs, angels or seraphim.
That digression aside, this comes across as a classic forbidden love story with a couple of twists in the cast and also an uplifting ending.
Themes and Interpretation
The main theme of the poem seems to be love, and the poem seems to describe different characteristics of love. Love is portrayed as something all-powerful, capable of “shielding” the lovers from the heavens and allowing them to weather “celestial storms”. This is also shown in how the lovers ultimately get their happy ending.
There’s an interesting contrast between the way the love caused by the arrow seems to entrap the cupid and the angel, binding them to each other, and the way love is also portrayed as freeing, with the recurring imagery of wings that occurs at the start of the poem, and also at the end with the “celestial love”.
Language
Something I like about the poem is the word choices in the description. It feels like all the characters and images in this pieces fit the motif of ‘the heavens’. For example the metaphor of love as a “guiding light” hangs together with the description of “celestial” beings.
Structure
I thought the flow of the poem was disrupted in some lines, because it is not clear who or what a particular description is talking about. For example:
Their once arrows now etched with guilt,
For their own affections, they themselves had built.
Yet the heavens watched, their gazes unwavering,
Sending messengers and trials their love unwavering.
Through celestial storms and tests of devotion,
They clung to their, an ethereal emotion.
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