I don't really have a review, but I like this poem. It conveys its message well and does so with rhymes on alternate lines. Clearly you know what you're doing.
stringing together unintelligible thoughts
from the maelstrom of one's mind
putting together puzzling pieces
and sometimes leaving things behind
.
pulling ideas out of one's pocket
nostalgically reminiscing things said
forgetting the lines between the living,
reality, fantasy, and the dead
.
mixing aspects from things you've read
and things you've thought of on your own
trying to find the perfect cloth
of strings of words that you've sewn
.
the jumble of thoughts and words that are
within the hurricane of your mind
but you never finish, you're stuck
you just leave everything behind
.
don't ever try to write poetry
you'll shatter from the insanity
of the tornado that crushes you
from your writing, your endless vanity
.
your dreaming will not lead to anything
but endless loopholes and tears
you'll go insane from the inability
to stop the the words that puncture your ears
.
your attempt to touch the heavens
with your poetry and art
it will lead to nothing
but it'll drive your mind apart
.
don't ever write poetry
you'll just be pained inside
you'll never find what you're searching for
your optimism will have died
.
don't ever write poetry
just don't ever try
because poetry is the ultimate way
to show you that you'll never fly
I don't really have a review, but I like this poem. It conveys its message well and does so with rhymes on alternate lines. Clearly you know what you're doing.
Wow! This poem is so thought- provoking.
Hey there! Anne for a review.
Well, first of all, this poem really deserves the literary spotlight. Congratulations and kudos to you for expressing your feelings i such an explicit way.
So let's start with the review.
The first three stanzas have got to be my most favorite part of the poem. I also like the way, you've structured the poem. Going o from the difficulties of writing a poem-the part where you might want to give up and then finally, the warning. Talking about the first three stanzas- they are so relatable whenever you are sitting to write a poem
mixing aspects from things you've read
and things you've thought of on your own
trying to find the perfect cloth
of strings of words that you've sewn
your dreaming will not lead to anything
but endless loopholes and tears
you'll go insane from the inability
to stop the the words that puncture your ears
I'm just curious- what makes you think that poetry shows you you can never fly.
MailicedeNamedy wrote:Also, I think the ending brings a little bit of that feeling that when you write a poem you lose hope. You try to build a fantasy world, to make it all beautiful, but really it's just a house of cards that you've built up.
Keep writing cause you're good at it. And please don't 'don't write poetry'. Cause if you do, this site will miss great works.
I don't really have a review, but I like this poem. It conveys its message well and does so with rhymes on alternate lines. Clearly you know what you're doing.
Heya, It's Rubes here with a little review for ya!
1st of all, I love the fluidity of the entire piece, it has a soothing yet abrupt feel about it - it is hard to explain the emotions that come across.
The message you displayed was very clear throughout the poem, it was always there and never at one point did I forget it. Which was a great effect to have. You never ranted on or bored the reader...it was a short and snappy poem ; it worked amazingly.
Not much critic at all really. I liked the opening line of each stanza ("don't ever write poetry") and I think it would have been great to have that starting each section. Just an idea, I generally loved your clear theme and explanations within the poem: it was obviously very thought out!
Stay safe and keep writing,
Love Rubes x
Hi Yoshikrab,
Mailice here with a short review!
You've written a very expressive poem that when taken apart comes to the sad portrayal of life, and how one tries to pretend to be different than one actually is through words and actions. Poems are the real life portrayals of a person.
I had to gather my thoughts at some points, and read over it again, as there were so many ideas inserted that I was speechless at the end. I would roughly say that poems are the voice of the subconscious, of the unknown, which sits deep inside us and describes the desires and urges. I think you proved that a lot with your first paragraph, expressing how opaque poetry is in contrast to other literary styles.
pulling ideas out of one's pocket
nostalgically reminiscing things said
forgetting the lines between the living,
reality, fantasy, and the dead
trying to find the perfect cloth
of strings of words that you've sewn
the jumble of thoughts and words that are
within the hurricane of your mind
you'll shatter from the insanity
of the tornado that crushes you
Maybe you could replace hurricane / tornado with, for example, waves or something?because poetry is the ultimate way
to show you that you'll never fly
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