HELLO THERE YOSHI VEER HERE TO REVIEW
let me start by saying you have done a very, very good job all around here with your poem. you've turned truth and lie into proper nouns by making sure they are upper case when you mention them, which i found very interesting. it gave them a sort of life, like they were more than just words, but something to pay attention to. you also have some very witty lines thrown in there:
But with the shield we know as Lies,
We defend ourselves from Truth
this was brilliantly written. i have to say, well done.
now, i am a sucker for anything existential, so if something makes me think more deeply, i am drawn to it. i'm not going to say i'm a complete fan of how everything was presented or written, but i will applaud you for your ability to get me thinking.
what you do is bring up the point that the truth is harder to accept than a lie. this seems to be accurate in most situations, as it is not uncommon for someone to lie about something in order to not hurt someone else with the truth. however, i find this is only the case when the truth is something hard to swallow. if i were to say it is true that the grass is green, this would not be a hard truth to accept, yet if i were to say that all grass is fake and a simulation created by the government (i know it isn't but for examples sake), this would be much harder to accept, and so lying by saying the grass is green would be much easier.
what i think would be the next step to bringing life into this poem is introducing the fact that some truths are harder than others. once we come to terms with the fact that lies can not cover all of the hard truths, that is when we become aware of the "painful reality" as you call it.
i'm not sure about how i feel about you ending the poem on such a somber note, but i think it does well to leave the reader thinking. if that was your intention, then kudos for you. other than that, i enjoyed the poem!
keep on writing and i hope to see more from you soon!
Points: 5211
Reviews: 184
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