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For Glory

by Yoshikrab


                                           Fire. It's always the same.

                                 War. It's always a game.

                         Sickness. It's always disdain.

               Glory. None of us can obtain.

For Glory,

I fought so hard,

Ticonderoga was never far,

But I conquered it,

I slaughtered it,

Yet I never got my glory.

For Glory,

Quebec was near, 

I fought until our lives were dear,

But when we were gone,

They kept their lawn,

But I never got my glory.

For Glory,

I owned the navy,

But not even that could attempt to save me,

So we spun our hips,

And burned the ships,

But I never got my glory.

For Glory,

Back in Ticonderoga fort,

I fought even harder than the cowardly sort,

But even after my total victory,

There was no given honor or explanatory,

So I never got my glory.

For Glory,

Anything I'll do,

To stop this war from killing me, too,

Like the thousands of soldiers who died on both sides,

My leg has been sent on the heavenly rides,

But even so, I never got my glory.

For Glory,

The British say they can,

Flush the war like a bucket of sand,

Who am I to stop them?

Who am I to not help them?

So finally, I reach for my glory.

For Glory,

Spying never works,

Even with my new spying perks,

I'm almost caught by Washington,

And I ride away like birds; a ton,

But I never get my glory,

For Glory,

I'm not a traitor,

I tried to fight, but I ended in labor,

I'm no turncoat, am I?

I'm no spy, am I?

But now I never get my glory.

No Glory,

I'm not a flagrant,

I don't mess around, I'm a double agent,

I'll never fight a war when it's lain,

Because of all the times of pain,

And now my glory has been out-marshalled,

Since I'm none other than                                                          Benedict Arnold.


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Thu Dec 03, 2020 9:07 pm
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esthersanti1600 wrote a review...



Hi! I will preface by saying that I LOVE poems about real-life things. As much as poems about one's internal emotions are fantastic, it's fun to know what the writer is talking about. May I suggest that you read "Monet's waterlilies" by Robert Hayden and other poems about art- that was the first time I've ever seen this kind of usage of real life objects and occurrences in poems.
I also love the formatting of this poem! It was very bold of you to use rhyming - this is a very tough thing to pull off and you have done a pretty good job of doing so without clouding the meaning of the poem.
I would personally recommend that you edit the final line, where you reveal the identity of the poem's subject flat out. I think it would leave an air of curiosity if you reference it in the title, but not in the actual poem. I like the idea that people would have to use their own history knowledge in order to understand who the poem is about - it could even be a history tool :)
Fantastic job! I never would have thought to write a poem like this - very creative :)




Yoshikrab says...


tysm



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Mon Nov 30, 2020 6:08 am
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ChrisCalaid wrote a review...



Hello there!
I am here for a review. I really enjoyed reading this poem, it's r impressive. I never ever made it far with writing a poem about war but I truly think this poem is well written.

Impressions

My first impression was that maybe this is related to war. My second thought looking at the title is maybe it's something like a proposal of how good every soldier fought and how many of them never got the honor nor appreciation of their bravery.


Grammar and Punctuation

You wrote "Dear Glory" with capital G and then after that, you just say "glory"... Although I think it's an interesting way to write a poem like a letter, I think maybe using "Glory" in capitalized in every stanza could be better.

Lastly, I think you misspelled “out-marshalled”. It’s spelled “out-marshaled”, not with double “L” from what I know. Although I suggest you change how you spell, I don’t think it is that important, I just pointed out because that’s not how I learned it’s spelled.

Flow

"No Glory,
I'm not a flagrant,
I don't mess around, I'm a double agent,
I'll never fight a war when it's lain,
Because of all the times of pain,
And now my glory has been out-marshaled,
Since I'm none other than Benedict Arnold. "


Maybe you should consider moving Benedict Arnold under "Since I'm none other than" it just kind of bothers the flow a bit for me. I thought it was a strange end and saw the “Benedict Arnold” way at the side.


Originality

I think you should maybe put in more description about how it feels getting no glory, and some imaginary since you are telling the reader about it instead of showing it, it may be better if you don’t want to add more description that way.


I love how you write this out! I think it’s well-written and I would really recommend you keep on writing poems, I can see your talent.

Keep up the beautiful work!
~Chris




Yoshikrab says...


tysm



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Sun Nov 29, 2020 5:05 pm
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stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Wooooow
I'm writing this without having even started the poem, but the way it looks is hella interesting !

I really liked the way each stanza is displayed, it almost feels as though we are reading a diary day by day, seeing his thoughts running around in all places. A nice touch that just makes this poem even more special.
the very first stanza also immediately pulls you in;

Fire. It's always the same.

War. It's always a game.

Sickness. It's always disdain.

Glory. None of us can obtain.

Why fire ? Why talk of war? Is this about peace ? is this about a soldier ? or is the war more personal ? Why this why that ? But most importantly, how. Just how are all these related ?

I could go on and on about the beautiful tone, the rhymes that flow sometimes smoothly, sometimes heavily implying his feelings, how the repetition of "for glory" ends with "no glory" as though a disheartening final- yeah, I could talk about that. But this is a review. And what's the point of a review if you never learn anything from it ?

My first point is that very first stanza I talked about. Fire. War. Sickness. Glory.
We got the glory, sure as hell
We got the war too, and I guess fire is somewhat related to war
But what about sickness ?
This poem is an autobiography almost, of this soldier. And those opening lines were there to introduce what he wants to rant on about.
So where is the sickness ?
Is it about a sickness that's eating him up ? Like his incessant thoughts ?
Is it the sickness for glory ? "Une envie maladive" as we say in France ?
That one basically promises something that never comes or is even hinted at, which was rather disappointing the first time I read this poem.

I'm not going to go over the imagery or the vocal or the rhymes or stuff like that- because I feel like you've mastered these in your poems pretty well;

So lets end here my (very) long review about your poem :)




Yoshikrab says...


Well, first, hello @stygian_moon17! Thank you for your review and welcome to YWS!

First, to help you understand more, this poem is a historical synopsis-biographic poem about Benedict Arnold, a famous American Revolutionary War Turncoat. He began as one of Washington's trusted generals and switched to the British side to end the war.

So, that's the background.

The first stanza is mostly about Benedict Arnold's childhood. I know I didn't specify that, but I mostly wanted it to be like an easter egg, so good job for finding it!

It starts with Fire because it was recorded that when Benedict Arnold was a child, he climbed to the top of a burning barn and walked around. And then, he lit fire to the entire U.S. Navy during the Revolutionary War, which actually helped the U.S.'s cause.

Then, it goes to war, because Benedict Arnold tried to join the French and Indian War, but he never saw combat. Then, again he tried in the Revolutionary War, and became a trusted General. However, he then switched sides when he got tired of it, showing that he had no real dedication to any war or side. He was just in for the fun of it. (That's my interpretation anyways) So that's why the second line said: "War. It's always a game."

The third line, talking about Sickness, is because he came from a rich family, but all of his family members died from illness except for his father, who went alcoholic.

The rest of the poem is basically an autobiography-journal-diary of Benedict Arnold, talking about his many accomplishments at the beginning, and then the process of switching sides at the end.

The second stanza refers to the (First) Battle at Fort Ticonderoga, where Benedict Arnold found that there were so few troops in it. He brought some men, the Green Mountain Boys, and captured it. However, Ethan Allen of the Green Mountain Boys claimed the prize and honor of the capture even though Benedict Arnold was the high-ranking officer. That was the first part of the war that made Arnold mad.

The third stanza refers to Benedict Arnold's failed attempt to capture Quebec.

The fourth stanza talks about him burning the U.S. Navy's ships.

The fifth stanza talks about Benedict Arnold's wild attack on the British, who were back and trying to take Fort Ticonderoga. He was the one who led the soldiers to push back the British, even though General Gates got the credit for it.

By this point in the poem, Benedict Arnold is tired of not getting his "Glory" and begins arguing with himself whether he should switch sides. The British desperately want him, and he doesn't want to be a Turncoat.

At the final stanza, Benedict Arnold admits that he is a double agent, and that he'll never fight another war again.

So, anyways, that explanation was way longer than I expected it to be.

~y0sH!





that makes the poem so much better man ^^I mean I guess this would be pretty obvious to those who know about his historical background, but for people like me who have no idea, well, even then the poem is really awesome to read.



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Thu Nov 26, 2020 7:21 am
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MadilynReads says...



Oops, my reviews keep duplicating! How do I delete them?




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Thu Nov 26, 2020 7:21 am
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MadilynReads wrote a review...



Nice! I really like the poem structure! The flow was good. I really liked the way you moved each stanza around, it really made it seem more like his thoughts or his rant or his journal! I like the subject matter and that you definitely did your research! I like the ending line of each stanza and how that ties in the thyme everywhere. Glow: obviously the structure, Grow: struggling to come up with one, but maybe you could end with a similar structure to the first stanza or even just put the first stanza again at the end or the poem just to tie it all in.




Yoshikrab says...


tysm




A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles