Young Writers Society

Good work there!
I see an improvement in creativity and structure!

Wow! This poem was really good, and I think it will help people realize that our world needs to change. We let people suffer for our own happiness and that's not right.

There are a few mistakes though, so let me show you what you need to work on!!!

1) You wrote

There is now no where to run,

It only gets wares,

This world is different.

Hi @EagleFly Shikora here with a review.

So this poem is very interesting. It's kind of true in a way.

Now there are a few things you need to fix.

When this happens my knees get sore,

There is now no were to run,

And no were to hide,

Hey there, EagleFly!!

Glad to see another poem from you!

Here I am with a review for you...

Title is awesome and the poem kept me hooked up till the last. I really loved the idea that's again unique, like the other poems of yours. You are doing great and keep writing such poetries...

The poem is short and sweet and that makes the poem very interesting. But you should also give a try in writing something longer...a little spelling error though,
The 8th and 9th lines... Has "were". I'm sure you wanted to write "where"... Other than that, everything is good.

Keep writing, you are doing great.
Have a great day/ night!
With love,
From Eros.

Hey!
I'm just gonna jump right in. The idea for the poem is a tad cliche, but it's fine. I'm a bit confused about the " When this happens my knees get sore, so I fall to the floor," because it seems like it should be the other way around. Is that supposed to be the humor part? I also feel like those two lines aren't really relevant to the poem's theme. Not everything related is relevant. I also feel like this poem could use a little more imagery. Maybe you could give examples or describe the world, or use an analogy to explain the world's power. The topic itself and the poem is very broad without that imagery. It would make it a lot more specific and clear. I do like the odd rhythm of the poem. Great job!

I have a big question: what is this world different from? Different by itself doesn't say anything. Many times the thing that something is different is obvious or implied, but in this case, I have no idea what could be implied.

Anyway, good luck! If you have any questions, you know how to reach me!

Hello Eagle!

I am here to review your interesting poem, which I am glad to see you've written!

Interpretation
I had some trouble figuring out the humorous elements of the poem since on the surface it seems very very serious - it looks like a heavy topic. But if I look at it, and search for humor, I wonder if maybe it was meant to be ironic?

The speaker in the poem is lamenting (complaining) because the world keeps getting harder to live in, in fact everywhere that they look the world looks bad. Eventually the bad look of the world effects the speaker so that they cannot even stand but fall to the ground. And while they're on the ground they realize, they can't run anywhere and they can't hide - the world is all around them. The speaker seems lost, and scared, and sad, like the weight of the world is on their shoulders and they don't know what to do.

I think maybe the humorous part is that they're complaining so dramatically, and then their reaction doesn't seem to actually be self-serving. It will not help them live any better if they fall - so in a cruel or mean way - it is funny that they are not helping themselves up, and as a reader I can even empathize (feel the same feelings) as that speaker. I know sometimes I feel sad and choose to do things that don't actually help me out of my situation - so I can relate!

Suggestions

So we have a clear speaker, clear emotions, and a clear problem <- all important parts for a narrative poem!

I think one part you work on is digging a bit deeper into the problem the speaker is facing. I know they say the world "looks bad" - but what about it don't they like? Do they not like the buildings and the clouds, or do they not like how people treat each other? There are many ways to use the word "ugly" and "bad" - so if you could describe a bit more how the world is bad for them, it would help me understand the poem even more.

Another part you might take a second look at - is I thought it was a bit silly when the speaker said "my knees get sore" - I think that is a strange reaction to feeling like the world is ugly. So unless it is a metaphor - I'm not sure it makes sense! How often do people really fall over when they're feeling sad? Not that often in real life actually.

Those are just a few things to consider though - and actually I really liked that you picked a theme and stuck with it for the whole poem and really explored what the speaker was feeling.

Grammar & Spelling
The spelling wasn't too bad here, just a few issues in a couple places that I'll point out.

"It only gets wares," - "wares" should be "worse".

"There is no were to run," - "no were" should be "nowhere".

"And no were to hide," - "no were" should be "nowhere".

"Away from the power of this world." should not end in a period, because the next line goes with this sentence.

"The worlds bad look." "worlds" should be "world's" because it is possessive rather than multiple (you're only talking about one world.

Favorite Parts
My favorite part of this poem is you are getting much better at describing the emotions of the speaker within the poem! You describe multiple ways that they are feeling sad, and you really allow the reader to get inside of their head.

Another favorite part was the line "Fear strikes me" - it's a good line to show how scared the speaker is feeling.

Last Comments
Those were all of my thoughts on your poem, I look forward to reading the second part so that I can hear the whole story. Please let me know if any of my review did not make sense, or if you have any questions about what I said.

Have a good day, and keep writing always!

~alliyah