Hey Dossereana!
Hope you're doing well today or tonight, obviously depending on what side of the world you're on, my dear friend. I'm here to give this amazing, well-flowed, chapter a review! Alright, let's get to it. First of all, I really love how your story is coming along. The flow is going well and I'm really loving your plot. Your characters are too good to be true. I think that so far, my favorite character would be Morbeck. Yeah, definitely.
Now, there were a few things that I'd like to point out. Let's start from... Let's see... Here:
Talon Eye new very well now of what Morbeck mite talk about.
There's a spelling error here; you wrote mite, but it's actually supposed to be might. And, you have this error in quite a lot of places, so just run through your chapter again.
Morbeck came up to the plat form and looked strait at everyone else in the room.
Strait is what you wrote, but the actual spelling would be straight. You were close enough, fren. Also, I love the confidence this eagle has! Shocks me! XD
"Chief the hole thing then were you said that our children have to come next to us in battle is the most stopped thing that I can think of, our sons and daughters will be killed for the will be the easier target, " he said with no hesitation, but still feeling very uncoverta bill about judging there chief.
So over here, there were quite a few things. The word hole is meant to be whole. I'm pretty sure that for stopped you meant stupid. That's the only word I thought would fit into this context. Stooped obviously wouldn't have worked. So I'm guessing it's stupid. And then there's uncoverta bill, it's actually meant to be uncomfortable. It's not that hard to spell. If you did it this way:
un-comfor-table
Would that make it a bit easy? I hope so. And then the last bold word, is actually meant to be their instead of there. Homophones can be so hard! And my goodness, I'm loving Morbeck right now. <3
Coltharn said looking strate at Morbeck with a very sears face.
So the first bold word is actually supposed to be straight and the second bold word is actually supposed to be serious.
“Well I feel like that was a waist of time don’t you,”
The bold word is supposed to be waste. The word waist has a totally different meaning.
“No I do not, now can you pleas[b] go I need my space,”
“just [b]pleas can you go now,”
Now in these two quotes, you can see that you didn't add that e at the end of both pleas's.
Talon Eye heaved in a sie as he heard Takasol walking away from his room. He then went to his desk and picked up a photo of his hole family,
So the first bold word is supposed to be sigh, instead and the second one is meant to be whole.
The glass broke into serval peace’s. at that very point Talon Eye went over to his bed and collapsed on to it, the bed mad a treble squeaking nouice.
1. serval -> several
2. nouice -> noise
Talon Eye throught as he sobbed and cried more and more. At this point a door opened and in came Tarath. He closed the door as he sore Talon Eye cry on his bed and the photos glass smashed on the floor.
1. throught -> thought
2. sore -> saw (You make this mistake in a couple other places so you may wanna go back and check on it.)
3. cry -> crying (There is no spelling error. You just needed to the past tense.
"Hay I no how you feel, I felt like this when I was at this point of my life to," Tarath said as he animatedly new what was wrong with him,
1. no -> know
2. new -> knew
You had these two mistakes in other places, by the way, so just keep your eyes open for that.
"I am going to go now and train, you can come and join us for training if you want to, but I am shore[b] that it won't mater if you miss today,"
The bold word is indeed a word, but not the right word. It sounds very much like [b]sure, but I'm afraid it isn't the same word.
Talon Eye walked out of his room and went strait to the Training arina.
The first bold word is actually meant to be straight. The second bold word is meant to be arena.
Talon Eye and Targothar felt the presher of the metal under them as they flew up.
You know what I thought was really cool here? How the eagles flied even though there's so much weight on them. I was like, whoa. These are some extra fit eagles! Just one thing here, the bold word is supposed to be pressure. And you know what's funny? I used to spell pressure the same way you do! 0_0
Two more then enmeadetly came into the battle.
"all right stop you five, your done, you have all ready done your training you may move so that our genrell will be teaching you now," Tarath said impressed with how much they had leaned. They had ganed the strength and skill, to pull there way.
1. genrell -> general[b]
2. [b]leaned -> learned (I'm pretty sure you're fingers were flying over the keyboard so you forgot the r)
3. ganed -> gained
"I cannot believe it were moving up does this mean I will become a solder?"
The first bold word is missing it's apostrophe that is supposed to go right in the middle. And then, there's the second bold word. It's actually supposed to be [b]soldiers[b]. Anyways, that's it. Hopefully this review helped. I loved reading your chapter and I loved reviewing it as much! Oh, before I forget, if you found that anything I said was rude, then please tell me or just flat out ignore it. <3
Happy Review Day!
Keep on writing!
~Liberty500
Points: 825
Reviews: 453
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