z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The girl in the woods- Chapter one

by writerkitty


My heart skipped at the sight of fresh blood. The strange metallic odor coming from it made me gag.

I was never a fan of blood and gore, the very sight of it made my whole body tingle. After all, I'm just seven years old.

With trembling, sweaty hands I slowly stroked the motionless body of the creature lying in front of me.

It's soft brown feathers brushed against my cold fingers. It gave out a faint chirp and I quickly took away my hand, fearing I might hurt it even more.

Despite my hatred for the sight of blood, I sat down beside it. The poor creature was injured because of me and my little mind told me that leaving it like this was not the best solution.

A gush of cold wind brushed past me and the trees around me gave a creepy rustle. Taking Sourball for a walk in the woods was the worst idea I've ever had.

If I stayed at home, nothing like this would've happened.

"What are you doing?"

I stood up, startled.

It took me another second to turn around and face my attacker.

It was a little girl. She didn't look any older me. Her crystal blue eyes were scanning me. She had a small pointy nose and her face was covered with freckles, lots and lots of freckles.

And her hair, it ran down to her knees. She looked a lot like Rapunzel!

"Why do you look so pale and scared?" She asked breaking into my thoughts. "You have no right to wander in the woods at this time of the day!"

She knotted her eyebrows, trying to scowl.

I shrugged, "There's nothing wrong about that..."

Her eyes widened, "Oh, but there is! You see little children get lost if they wander into the woods alone, little boy!"

"But, you're little too," I replied, frowning.

"I live in the woods." She said in a tone filled with triumphant as if she won a battle.

"Are you Rapunzel?" I dared to ask.

The girl broke into a giggle, "Kinda like that."

"Where's the tower, you're supposed to be trapped in there."

Before she could answer, the little bird gave another faint chirp.

"Oh no, what happened to poor birdie?" She asked with a gasp and rushed over towards the little creature.

I bit my lower lip, trying to forget how my cat attacked the bird just a few minutes ago.

"Oh, you poor little thing," the girl said in a soft voice as she slowly picked it up.

"Careful," I muttered, feeling slightly guilty about not doing anything to help birdie.

"Did you do this?" She snapped, cradling the bird in her arms.

"No-no..." I mumbled. What if she was a forest spirit like, in those fairy tales. She'd punish me for hurting her animals.

"Then, what happened?" She asked taking a step towards me.

"My-my cat...attacked birdie," I muttered. " I-I tried to stop Sourball, but he-he didn't listen." Tears filled up my eyes making my vision blurry.

"Your cat attacked birdie, and birdie's the one who got hurt." She said looking thoughtful. "Then, why are you the one crying? You didn't do anything."

I stared at her, "I cry because I'm sad!" I replied, getting pretty tired of all her questions.

The girl smiled, she came closer and patted me on the head, "silly boy, you can go home. I'll take care of birdie, I promise."

"Who-who are you?" I asked, wiping snot off my nose.

"I'm the girl in the woods, duh!" She said with a smile.

"But-"

"I have to go now," she replied, gently patting the bloody creature. Its blood was all over her light pink frock, but she didn't seem to mind it at all.

"Bye, Silly boy!" She said in a hurry and ran into the woods. That was when I noticed that she was barefoot. It looked strange.

I stood there, trying to figure out what just happened when a hand grabbed me firmly.

"Matthew Walker, what are you doing here all alone?" My mothers demanding voice pounded my ears. 

"Is this blood on the ground?" her horrified voice made me cringe.

"What happened here, are you all right?" She asked bending down and shaking me hard.

"Sourball hurt a bird," I said tearing up again, "Sourball didn't mean to be mean, he-he..." I choked.

My mum hugged me, holding me tight against her. "Aww, sweetheart..."

Just then, I saw the girl peeking out from behind the huge trees nearby.

"Mum, look! That's the girl who told me that she'd help birdie," I said breaking free from her grasp.

"Which girl?" My mother asked looking around, confused.

"That girl mum, she's right there!" I said pointing my finger towards the bushes. Why can't she see her?

My mum brushed back a few strands of short brown hair from her face and glanced at me. "Matt, there's no one there."

"She's right there!" I said, marching towards the girl.

My mum stopped me halfway and dragged me by the hand,"come on, we're going home. Things like this happen when you spend too much time alone!"

"But she's right there!" I shouted trying to break free from her iron grip.

The girl was staring at me, tears brimming up her eyes. Birdie wasn't with her, and I could see that her hands were trembling.

"Mum, you made her cry!" I cried, trying my best to stop her.

"That is enough, Matthew!" She snapped, giving me a fiery glare. "There's no one there, and that's it, We're leaving!"

"But, Sourball..."

"He'll find his way back," She said in her usual stern tone. "You're not allowed to wander alone again, do you hear me?"

She asked without loosening her grip.

I nodded, glancing once more at the strange little girl.

She ran into the woods, and I doubted whether I'd see that mysterious girl again.


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616 Reviews


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Tue Sep 10, 2019 11:34 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello Kitty your friend FlamingPhoenix finally here to leave a review on your work. Sorry the review has taken so long, I thought I reviewed this, guess I was wrong.

Anyway let's start.

So I saw one or two things I would like to point out to you today.
Here is the first one.

The poor creature was injured because of me and my little mind told me that leaving it like this was not the best solution.

So this sentence feels really long, so I would suggest braking it up a little, maybe add some commas in to help with the flow. So you see the two words in bold, well as I was reading this sentence that is the best place to add in a comma, but you don't have to if you don't agree.

Okay onto the next thing.
It took me another second to turn around and face my attacker.

Over here I don't think attacker is the right word, I mean you can't really say that because the little girl hadn't attacked him she had only asked a question. So may be change it up a little, maybe take out the may and attacker and replace it with 'the one who had spoken.'
I'll give you an example now.
It took me another second to turn around and face the one who had spoken.

To me this sounds better but you don't have to agree.

Anyway that's was all that I could see other than a little more description in this chapter would have been nice, but that is just me liking to see what is going on, and having a picture on my surroundings always in my head, Though to me I think a little more description in this chapter would liven it up a but. But it is up to you.

So this was a really good chapter and I no who the girl is! Though that is because you have been telling me a bit about your story and stuff I think younger Matt is so CUTE! Is just sweet and caring. And the little girl is so unique and out there, a little nosy just she is sweet. I wonder what happened to the bird she took to look after? Did she drop it, or did she take it to her home already? So many questions. But I will have to wait for the next chapter.
I like the story plot so far and it looks like everything is going to plan.

So that was all from me for now I hope you will come back to the site soon and start posting again soon, I hope you will keep writing and have a great day or night either one.

Your friend and faithful reader
FlamingPhoenix!
Reviewing with a fiery passion!

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Mon Jan 01, 2018 1:38 am
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LJF wrote a review...



Hmm....Curiouser and curiouser....(Sorry! I couldn't help it!)
Matthew seems like a sweetheart, but I have a feeling that most of the story will be about him as a teenager and/or adult. Not that I'm complaining.
I'm really curious about the mystery girl. Is she a ghost? A spirit? A figment of his imagination? (Probably not that last one, but you never know! ;P)
Poor Sourball! He was just being a cat.
I really like this story so far, and I can't wait to see what happens next! Good luck!




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Mon Jan 01, 2018 1:34 am
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LJF says...



This chapter sort of reminded me of the book I'm currently reading (The Princess and Curdie, by George McDonald, sequel to The Princess and the Goblin). There is a scene at the beginning where Curdie (the mc) nearly kills a bird and feels so incredibly remorseful about it- only for a strange and magical woman to help heal it and teach him a lesson or two about the value of life.




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Sat Dec 30, 2017 1:57 pm
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YingYangGroove78 wrote a review...



This is an intriguing piece. The fact that its written from a young boys point of view with basic language and simple sentences emphasises characterisation. its new and fresh as most pieces aren't taken from this angle; but I cant help feeling as I was reading that we've lost some of drama and perspective as to what is actually going on here. I think it would have been better if the boy witnessed the girl doing something to the bird before his mother came along. Having said this I did like the dialogue tags that suggest she is something more of a sinister character.




writerkitty says...


Thank you for the review!!



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Mon Dec 18, 2017 12:25 am
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LMAuthor312 wrote a review...



Good story. It felt a little choppy with the way you have it formatted. You also used "said" a lot when your characters communicated and it got a bit boring and repetitive after a bit. Try to mix it up.
Also, "Her hair ran up to her knees!" It sounds like her hair is growing out of the ground, not from her head. Maybe try and reword that in some way. I'm eager to see what you have happen next. I'm intrigued for sure.




writerkitty says...


^-^ I will fix those errors right away, thanks for pointing them out.
And thank you for the review!!



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Sun Dec 17, 2017 10:03 pm
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lemonboi wrote a review...



This is a really good story. Your usage of imagery was amazing and I didn't catch anything grammatically incorrect. I was surprised when I read that Matt's mother couldn't see "The Girl in the Woods." I think that this deserves a lot of applause, i mean you really captivated me, and I really look forward to chapter two. Imagining the little girl and Matt came really smoothly, so I think you're comparisons were amazing. I also really liked you're writing style; you make everything so vivid! So, I guess what I'm saying overall is that I love chapter one, and I can't wait for Chapter two!

Thanks for reading my crappy review.

Happy Holidays!




writerkitty says...


^-^ Thank you so much for the wonderful review, it wasn't crappy at all!!
You sure gave me the motivation to write the next chapter!

Happy Holidays to you too!!




It is only a novel... or, in short, only some work in which the greatest powers of the mind are displayed, in which the most thorough knowledge of human nature, the happiest delineation of its varieties, the liveliest effusions of wit and humour, are conveyed to the world in the best-chosen language
— Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey