HELLO <3 excited for this one :)
Two fresh corpses lay on the ground-- a man and some hairless dog
ahh, of course >.> "hairless dog" is a tiny detail, but it makes this a bit more creepy, so I like that little note :)
Then, he heard a bark, seeing two giant mosquitoes fighting a German Shepherd
What do those two giant mosquitoes look like? :O What's the state of the dog? is her fur matted with blood, tangled? or does she look like she was just groomed the other day? just some tiny details that could add some colour to this ^_^
The roads were cracked and faded, no longer dark and clean as he remembered them. Rusty lamp poles, ancient debris, and yellowing grass littered the ground.
YES love these descriptions c: (although, does grass necessarily litter the ground? is it still in the earth? if it's like the aftermath of cutting your grass or something, it definitely could!)
All of these images you are providing really contributes to the atmosphere of this chapter. Rusty ogles, "ancient" debris, old trees, scorched homes - nice uses of words ^_^
I do agree with Shadow that sometimes the transitions aren't the smoothest, but you don't need to hear it twice :) <3
"Get him, Sadie!" Jacob growled as he quickly ejected the empty bullet shell before taking another, slightly shaky shot at the second person. The giant dog leapt onto the man
Sadie is so obedient / responsive to this man she just met and has already gotten used to her (maybe new) name :O
"Join or die!"
"Have your tea back, you jackanapes!"
"No taxation without representation!"
Omg xD
Jacob ignored the recordings as he exited the last room, coing to a partially collapsed floor that made a ramp between the bottom floor and a staircase leading upstairs.
(I believe you meant "going"?) That ramp sounds dangerous but fun haha :p
"That army training really came in handy, didn't it, Sadie?" Jacob said sadistically as he reloaded the musket again.
imagine if he had no training 0.0
"Nah, don't get ya panties in a twist, Carl, we'll get 'em soon, you's just gotta have some pashence, man," the second one-- apparently Marv-- replied.
rip carl and marv in advance >.>
so how does Jacob know these people are "raiders"? like what if they were good people with good intentions or something cx do they have special clothing or something? maybe you already mentioned this and I missed it oops 0.0
'Man, I dunno who you are, but your timing's impeccable," the black man said.
Was he just standing there and watching all of that? xD
"Name's Preston Garvey, and I'm with the Commonwealth Minutemen. I'm afraid that we need our help."
(I think you meant "your help"?)
OKAY BUT YES, he finally found some other humans so he won't be alone - and maybe helping them will help Jacob find his son! c:
although, I really hope these minutemen are on the same side as Jacob is and they won't backstab him or something. I trust no one in this place >.>
OOH but there are a lot of references to the American revolution here, and at first they were just old radio recordings. but these people do call themselves minutemen - is this implying that they take inspiration from the American revolution? is a revolution being planned here? what is the goal of these people anyway, and what's the goal of the raiders? I just realized that I'm not sure what the motive behind the raiders are :O and how many humans are even left on this earth? or is this vault business just happening in a specific country? AHHHHH
Preston Garvey sounds like a very ~mysterious~ and interesting guy - I'm sure he has a lot of stories to tell. excited to learn more about him :)
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