z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Augury of RiverClan - Prologue

by Riverlight


"Touch your nose the the Moonstone," Berryfur purred as the giant rock lit up with light. "StarClan will speak to you then." Shorepelt obeyed the ancient tom, feeling its cold, rough texture against her muzzle. Before she fell asleep, she saw the medicine cat do the same. She awoke in a dze, the scents of cats and prey filling her nostrils.

"Welcome, Shorepelt," all of StarClan said at once. Nine cats stood before Shorepelt as her green eyes reflected the stars in the others' pelts. A long-furred silver tom padded forward first, head held high as he smiled at the RiverClan deputy. "My name is Riverstar," he purred. "With this life, I give you tireless energy. Use it to protect your Clan." The ancient tom touched his nose to Shorepelt's muzzle. The she-cat unsheathed her claws and ripped at the ground beneath her paws as pain rippled throughout her body. Nearby, Berryfur glanced at the deputy worriedly.

"I'll be fine," Shorepelt murmured weakly. Would all of the lives be so harsh? The deputy looked at the next cat to come forward, an orange-furred tom padding towards her. "Russetclaw?"

"Hello, sweet kit," the tom purred. "With this life, I give you forgiveness. Not all cats are evil at heart." He reached his head down and placed it on hers as more pain ached at her paws.

A large brown tom with amber eyes came forward next, paws gently brushing the grass beneath his feet. "You were a faithful deputy, Shorepelt," Branchstar mewed kindly. "With this life, I give you humility. Even the most prideful cats must know when to ask for help." There was no pain this time-- her tail barely twitched.

"Frostypelt!" Shorepelt purred happily as she saw the young she-cat. The deputy started to pad forward, but the former medicine cat shook her head, offering Shorepelt a smile.

The tabby offered the deputy a smile and said, "With this life, I give you trust in your closest advisors, the medicine cat. Use it well as you lead your Clan into the future." She touched her cheek with Shorepelt's and stood back as another wave of pain struck the deputy's body. It felt like lightning had struck her nose and ran all the way through to her tail tip. Frostypelt dipped her head and then padded over to Berryfur. "I'm sorry I died. You were a good mentor, but it was the will of StarClan."

"I know," the ancient tom mewed quietly. "I'll find another apprentice one day."

A black tom, Stormwing, padded forward next, stars shining in his blues eyes. "With this life, I give you adventure and strength. Both are necessary if you hope to lead your Clan into the future."

As the tom touched her muzzle, Shorepelt grimaced as she received her fifth life. It felt like a tree had fallen on her, and for a moment she struggled to breathe. But then a white she-cat appeared, and the pain subsided. "I don't know you," Shorepelt whispered.

"I am Moth Flight, the first medicine cat," she purred. "With this life, I give you faith in StarClan. You'll need it." The WindClan cat winked at Shorepelt as they touched muzzles. Power coursed through the deputy's bones, and devotion filled her heart.

Cloverpaw padded forward next, all signs of the rat bites that had killed her gone. Her tortiseshell pelt shined with the stars as she gave Shorepelt her next life. "My gift to you is hope," the small cat said. "Even when all seems dark, hope remains."

Happy thoughts flooded Shorepelt's mind-- her Clan would have many seasons to grow larger, stronger, and wiser. The moons ahead would be hard, but they could make it. As a black tabby tom came forward next, the RiverClan cat couldn't stifle her purr as she looked at her old mentor. "Troutflash!"

"Yes, yes, it's me," he said stubbornly, yellow eyes smiling despite his rough mew. "I'm here to give you a life for honoring old traditions. So long as we keep to our faith and remember our history, we can claw a path forward like the river claws through the gorge."

Again, Shorepelt felt like lightning had struck her pelt. It started in her paws and worked its way up through her limbs. When it subsided, she mewed, "If you hadn't died, I would have made you my deputy."

"My service to RiverClan was over," the old tom snapped. "I retired for a reason."

He stepped away and was replaced by a dark ginger tom with white patches. "My name is Blazingstorm. With this life, I give you justice and love."

Shorepelt nearly fell off her paws as the pain of her ninth life swept over her. Her jaw clenched as she felt like her fur was being pulled in all directions. After it finally, ended, Branchstar padded forward once more.

"I hail you by your new name, Shorestar. Your old life is no more.You have now received the nine lives of a leader, and StarClan grants you the guardianship of RiverClan. Defend it well; care for young and old; honor your ancestors and the traditions of the warrior code; live each life with pride and dignity."

Around her, all of StarClan started to call out, "Shorestar! Shorestar! Shorestar!" One by one, they disappeared, until only Shorestar, Berryfur, and Riverstar remained. The sleek-pelted tom gazed at the new leader and her medicine cat before he spoke again. "Our Clan will face hardship in the seasons to come, Shorestar," he admitted. "Waters shall rise and then recede; kin will turn on kin, and the end shall come."

Before Shorestar or Berryfur could say a word, they woke up beside the Moonstone, darkness surrounding them completely. The she-cat glanced at Berryfur, green eyes glistening with worry. "What does it mean?" she asked quietly.

"It means," the tom replied, "that RiverClan is about to change."


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Sun Mar 07, 2021 4:56 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



I hope this review can still be helpful, even if I haven't read the original series <3

"Touch your nose the the Moonstone,"


I believe you have a typo here cx So is the Moonstone an actual stone, or is it a cat/name? That'll probably be cleared up once you edit this real quick ( I wouldn't have pointed out the typo, but I did so it would be more clear what the Moonstone was :p )

Okay yeah, reading on, I think it's an actual rock cx

Shorepelt obeyed the ancient tom, feeling its cold, rough texture against her muzzle.


This sentence makes it feel like you're talking about the "ancient tom" that has a cold rough texture, since that is the last noun you used, not the Moonstone.

I love all of these cat names, so pretty c:

The ancient tom touched his nose to Shorepelt's muzzle. The she-cat unsheathed her claws and ripped at the ground beneath her paws as pain rippled throughout her body.


Ooh omg what is happening :O

Ooh, so I understand that you have a lot of cats needing to be introduced (as there are 9 on the Starsclan) but it is a bit confusing to keep up >.> I'm getting lost which cat is which, which cat has which description, and which one you're talking about when you refer to a specific colour. I was thinking, if you need to introduce all of these cats in this chapter, can you stretch it out a bit? Include a bit more before Shorestar receives the thing from the next cat. Like the moments she's in pain - you can use a simile or some figurative language to describe what kind of pain she is feeling. Well, actually, you do use some figurative language, so maybe don't make the next cat come immediately after another cat has gone? Like you can describe one cat walking away, and during that moment, Shorestar might recall a memory between the two. Otherwise, you usually have another cat coming straight after, and that may be causing the confusion

I think some more descriptions would be lovely in general; what does this arena area look like? What's the weather and time of day? Is this a sacred/solemn/serious ceremony? I think that might be helpful! ^_^

Ooh, and I guess another difficulty is the lack of words to refer to a cat. That must be difficult, to spice it up cx "tom" seems to be the most used one, so maybe if there was any way you could replace some of those with other words for cat? I know that's difficult, so I'm don't want to be too picky >.> I can't even think of others, but I thought I'd point it out just in case you wanted to try ^_^

As the tom touched her muzzle, Shorepelt grimaced as she received her fifth life.


OH that's why there are 9 cats. I was thinking, 9 Supreme Court justices, so nine cats xD why was that my logic omg

this ceremony thing is so cool, I love how she's receiving lives and characteristics, that's awesome 0.0

Cloverpaw padded forward next, all signs of the rat bites that had killed her gone.


oof

The moons ahead would be hard, but they could make it.


Aw, I like this sentence. Creative way to refer to days c:

Around her, all of StarClan started to call out, "Shorestar! Shorestar! Shorestar!" One by one, they disappeared, until only Shorestar, Berryfur, and Riverstar remained.


The cheering to disappearing happened rather quickly , perhaps you could elaborate on it more?

"Waters shall rise and then recede; kin will turn on kin, and the end shall come."


Oh dear 0.0

"It means," the tom replied, "that RiverClan is about to change."


Ooh, what a mysterious and suspenseful sentence to end this on!!! Now I am very curious as to what change is going to come about :O

Ahh, this was so interesting! The whole "giving life by passed away cats" was super duper interesting. I love how each life also portrayed? carried? a specific characteristic / had a meaning behind it. And it was also cool to know that Shorestar had a connection to (most of) the cats at some point in her life. I think that makes the ceremony more personal and more meaningful - to stand before all of these wonderful cats and receive lives c:

OH and also that Moonstone is super neat omg. I love how they "fell asleep" and were transported into this whole other area, and then when it was all over, they awoke once again in their original starting position. That gives this chapter even more mystical vibes, and gives the nine cats some Olympus gods vibes xD that's the best way I can explain it haha

As always, I really enjoyed reading this! It's fun to get to know more about the original novel while not having read it. Hope to read more from you soon, and good luck with your writings!! Much love <333




Riverlight says...


Yay you liked it XD

StarClan is very mysterious lol.

Yes, lots of cats ;-;

So, the way the 9 lives work is that each cat that gives a leader a life had a significant impact on the new leader, eg Cloverpaw was Shorestar's first apprentice, Moth Flight is an ancestor of Shorestar, etc



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Sun Mar 07, 2021 6:41 am
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Ilium417 wrote a review...



This is so well-written! The words vary well (the only word I see repeating a lot is "tom" and that's the term for it so you can't do much with that) and the imagery is very nice. The way that you incorporated the nine lives of a cat is really clever. The cliff-hanger at the end was really awesome too. It encourages readers to continue reading and keeps them interested.
The names you used are awesome too, but it seems like some of them are a little too stretched to be names, like "Moth Flight." Other names are so cool and its so sad that the characters bestowed with those names immediately vanish from the story. Maybe get some of the average names for the lesser of these nine awesome cats and get their awesome names for the more primary characters of the story.
The dialogue is absolutely epic! Its inspiring and poetic and the style is impeccable. Overall, really nice story and I'm excited to read it more! :D




Riverlight says...


Some of the characters that appear in this (Riverstar, Moth Flight, and-- later on-- Dappled Pelt) are cannon, so I have to keep it that way :P

Thanks for the review!! c:




I basically just diagnosed you as irreversibly human
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