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Christine City, City of Kings

by Vil


Christine City,

the glorious capital of the north,

standing on the shores of the Sea,

longing, longing, longing to gaze westward evermore.

---

Christine City,

home of the kings.

heart of the empire so tried, so true,

longing, longing, longing to return to its former glory.

---

Christine City,

my home of old,

sister to Laenalaen, shining bright

o'er the horizon, forevermore seen in the West.

---

Christine, oh Christine!

City of the lore-filled days,

now dust, and ash, and bone,

no longer the heart of our ancient song.

---

Christine City,

oh, my beloved city,

no longer standing o'er that mighty Sea,

shining brightly from continent to continent,

destroyed by the flames of Thiran fire, Thiran evils.

---

Christine City,

again you will stand.

Though time may forget your name,

it will forever belong to you!

---

Christine City,

the crystal city,

the heart of an empire

so fair and so true.

---

Note: Written by Lord Wrenflight I following the Great War of 1807-1809 (1331-1333 Belecthorian Calendar).

Excerpt; "Poems of Belecthoria and Its History: The Essential Guide to a Cultured Nation," as Revised by Carolina Edwards and Assembled by Order of King Michael II


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110 Reviews


Points: 2844
Reviews: 110

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Tue Sep 15, 2020 2:33 am
RavenLord wrote a review...



Heya, Vil! I'm back to review this piece for you.

So I'm gonna get right down to business because my mind isn't where it should be (possibly due to some very sleepy tea I just drank) and it's almost the deadline for week two: I loved this poem like I love all your poems. It's very different from your usual formatting, so that was interesting to see. It's awesome how your speaker just pours their love for this city into their words. I can definitely see it's beloved by many.

For critiques, I only have one: I know you to be an excellent artist when it comes to painting pictures with words. Imagery through tone is one of your strong suits. However, in this poem you fall a teensy bit short of that. While the emotion is all there, I can't quite get an image of this place in my mind. The history is crystal clear in all the stanzas, but in your last two stanzas you seem to lose some steam. The last one I kind of like as a wrap-up, but the second-to-last one could stand to be beefed up a little.

Vil, you have once again delivered a masterful piece from this rich fantasy world. History oozes out of everything you write, and I just can't get enough. This was a real treat to read, and I can't wait to see more! Happy RevMo and happy writing!

Wishing you the very best,
RavenLord

Image




Vil says...


Hehehe... Threw you off just a little, didn't I? XD

Don't worry, I'm composing a coronation poem!



RavenLord says...


Oooo I can't wait to read it!!!



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53 Reviews


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Tue Sep 15, 2020 1:07 am
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Lezuli wrote a review...



Hello there! I am here for a review, this will be a little short since there are no grammatical errors and this was super well-written.
So, with that out of the way, I'd like to start by saying that the way you wrote this extremely skillfully, so much so that it totally feels like a tried and true fantasy poem straight out of a myth. Like the person below me, it definitely reads like a Tolkien poem.
I also love the way that this tells a story of a fallen capital and its former glory. The way it falls to flames and ruin through enemy invaders is well expressed through your words. You also feel for its former glory and awesomeness.
Great job with this! I'd totally love to read more about this world!




Vil says...


Thanks!

There is one other poem regarding cities that I have written-- In Laenalaen. In a tab in my portfolio called "Belecthoria and the Dragonhearts" or something similar, there are other poems and short stories you can read.



Lezuli says...


Ah, cool! I'll totally check those out! Thank you



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Tue Sep 08, 2020 10:56 am
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Buranko wrote a review...



Hello there my favorite fantasy author on this site. I am gonna review this poem you just created.
I really love how you write. Your works have this magical touch to it, probably because they use tolkien's novels as a starting point.
I see that you are really interested in showing the lore behind everything you write, be it as little as possible. With this poem, more like a song sung by the main character of a movie, as he/she watches some wrecked ruins, you really gave your best to incorporate some really profound feelings with the lore you are so good to create. From what I understood Christine City was a mighty capital city that was wrecked by a fire or the metaphor of a fire, the destructive force of a barbaric army.
The longing of the persona is really strong, he/she seems really affected by the loss of this wonderful royal city. I see a small hint of hope in the words he/she speaks but it's really small.
Given that this poem is more like a song of sadness I think that if it were traditional verse, with rhyme and a strict rythm it would have been so much better. But it is good like this too.

Lovely, I also loved the historical details at the end, and I'm surprised no one reviewed this until now! Keep up this good work!




Vil says...


Thanks for your review!




Be careful or be roadkill.
— Calvin