Young Writers Society

Hello! AnotherCrowInRow (or simply Kay) is here with a review of this short but powerful work full of emotion.

As for the literary side, this work is really full of emotions that many people can identify with. You have a good vocabulary and use literary devices, which I like.

But what I would recommend is to use a little more punctuation. In some places it is not necessary, but some sentences without proper punctuation do not make much sense and cannot have such an impact on the reader because, well, one gets a little too confused in them. I assume that your writing style relies quite a bit on longer sentences, which suits this piece very well... But the punctuation is an important thing, so maybe try to look at your piece once again and put some of it here. If you have any questions about where would it fit or which of punctuation marks should you use, feel free o ask!

I know I probably focused a little too much on the grammar...but overall this piece is really emotional. It's the story of a person who let themselves be overwhelmed by the expectations of others, and that's...a very important topic, since people around us don't always realize how much pressure they exert and how overwhelming their expectations are.

All in all, it's a piece full of emotions, but it could use a little better grammar.

Have a nice rest of day/night/whatever because timezones are a little bit chaotic and stay safe!

Hello, there! Avi speaking
First off, this poem is beautiful and so scarily relatable. Being the eldest daughter in my family, I get it, and I want to thank you for writing this beautiful, prosaic short story.
I would fix some punctuation uses to make it even more powerful than it already is, but otherwise, this is an impeccable poem.
I'm just going to go through it real quick and fix the punctuation the way I would have done it if that's okay.
"Sitting on her bed, she could hear her thoughts that were loud enough to make someone crazy. She was tightly hugging her pillow, which was wet from the rain her eyes shed every night. Her voice was shattered, she screamed without any voice several times, hoping that someone could hear her silent begging for help. But no one did. No one could ever sense her bleeding heart behind her bright smile. Every night, she slept with a storm inside her which she couldn’t even let go in the fear of being alone. That pain was her only companion and she was afraid to be free from it.
She woke up every day in the hope of becoming a better daughter to her parents. A kind person to a world that never showed any mercy on her. Keeping the pieces of her shattered dream in her heart was her only luxury. Because the pain it caused was the only way for her to keep in touch with her dreams. She was a coward, afraid to disappoint others while disappointing herself in the most brutal way ever. She showed no mercy for herself while caring for even a butterfly in the rain, hoping that it could fly because she couldn’t. And surely, people like that cannot survive for a long time like her. Not so long after her misery set her free from all the responsibilities and burdens she carried with her to grave, she died while being a good daughter to her parents and something to everyone but nothing to herself."
The "not so long" sentence threw me off guard a bit because it seemed like it was leading to something. I thought it was leading to the next sentence. I edited that one a tad by melding the sentences together and deleting the "at last" bit at the beginning of the last sentence.
Overall, this is an incredible short story and I really enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Have a great rest of your day/night!