Young Writers Society

I really love this, I think for two special points:

1. The beauty and clarity of this poem
2. The deep meaning and the words you used to describe.

Gosh, this is beautiful. I love your words, the way the lines melt and flow together perfectly, and just the complex yet simplicity of it.
My favorite verse would have to be:

"In the abyss where few souls wander,
Water as heavy as it is deep,
And day as dark as night,
A whole world swims undetected,
Unappreciated, understudied."

(I interpret things very seriously sometimes haha)
This makes a lot of sense and it's like a metaphor to describe human emotions and struggles. I interpreted it as if the bioluminescent light could shed hope to the deep, dark below except it is too far away, unknown and ignored. I really love this (wow I keep repeating myself). Anyways, I think this poem should honestly win an award, you should enter in contests and magazines!

The only thing I felt that was out of place was the definition at the beginning. It felt a bit blocky, maybe you could change it up a bit to rhyme and flow into the next verse?
I loved the idea and the sort of scientific inspiration!
Hopefully, my review wasn't super cheesy haha!
Keep writing, this was beautiful!

This is a very neat poem. I really like the complexity and variety of the language, and the consistent use of science to portray a vivid scene and also help the reader understand the narrator. This narrator is a very scientific mind, yet also has a flair of romanticism about what he studies, to thus describe the underworld of the sea in a new and different fashion. One thing that came up that I was a little curious about was how the poem, which had stayed consistent all the way, suddenly turned into sounding like a love poem in the last - the very last - stanza. If your intent was to make this a love poem, then I think there needs to be some sprinkling of that theme in the rest of the poem so that the actual message of the poem does not get confused. If it was not meant to be a love poem, then I recommend adapting the last stanza to not sound like one.

Other than that you have done amazing work! Excellent!

Hello! Just wanted to say I found this piece as alluring as an anglerfish. Deep-sea creatures truly are fascinating, and I feel you've managed to capture their energy with your use of verbs. Besides this, I particularly liked the lines:

"A whole world swims undetected,
Unappreciated, understudied."

For me, this was where it became more than just a poem describing deep-sea life, but also their significance to us in general. I like that you did this because it gives your work a more unique perspective.
Here are some general comments:

1.) Seeing as it is a Science-inspired poem, I thought the definition you put in the beginning made sense, though I wish it linked more smoothly with the next stanza. Going from this factual statement to something as energetic as a dancing sea of light was a bit too abrupt for me.

2.) While I liked the sneaky mid-rhyme in ". . . -- a lure to dangle . . . allure" on its own, it comes across as a bit forced or confusing, because the line before it lists "side, and head and esca", of which only the esca dangles. Not sure if I'm making sense here, but perhaps it would be better either to use a verb that applies to all three body parts or to separate the dangling esca from the other two.

Lastly, just as an idea, perhaps you could consider including descriptions of specific colours? Phrases like "patterns" and "sharply contrasting" sort of describe a general presence of colour, but bioluminescence comes in such a variety of hues, it seems a bit of a shame not to spend a couple of words going into detail on that.

Overall, this was a really interesting piece. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you find my comments helpful!

I love this! At the very start I was put off a bit by your author's note because it made me think that maybe you'd just copied google's definition into the poem, but then I looked up bioluminescence and you obviously paraphrased the definition (very succintly, too, and it leads into the rest of the poem nicely, sorry about my overly suspicious mind), so all I'm going to say is that you don't really need to credit google for that, because a) google isn't really a proper source anyways if you're doing it to avoid plagiarizing (and I completely understand that reasoning), and b) definitions of normal words like this, unless you're using someone's exact wording, aren't copyrighted - language is free! Anyways, on to the rest of the poem.

In the second stanza here:

Radiance bursting forth from side,
and head, and esca -- a lure to dangle,
allure to mesmerize unknowing prey.

Sharply contrasting fins for alarm,

with the admiration and compulsion
to surrender your undivided attention