Young Writers Society

A wonderful relation between stars and your feelings.

I acknowledge your poem not only for its ideas but also for your effort in sticking to a particular format while building on the idea. It was a great attempt, but I feel that you need to build a little more on your idea. Though you have clarity there is a lack of structure in your idea(not the poem). You have laid a great foundation but the tower remains short.

I would suggest you to keep working on it till your tower looks sharp and tall. Great work. I loved your poem and my favourite parts were your descriptions and imagery. For example;

"ink-black heavens"

and

your final relationship with the poem - the way you concluded, which was,

"soon explode into
thousands of shattered
pieces.
I know all too well
what it feels like to
shatter."

A great poem. Please keep writing.
A quote from my favourite video game if it will help.

"Sky Above, Voice Within"

Aim for the sky with all you've got and I'm sure that you will have mastery of your way of expression.

Hello! I like this piece. Although, I don't know f I should say just the words "I like this." They seem too peppy, too insincere to say about this poem.

It is a beautiful poem, laced with melancholy. The words ring purple and blue and cool and soothing, as if I am floating while I listen to such music. The words... it's as if they are swirling around me, touching me, comforting me, assuring my heart that to be broken is not the end.

I could feel emotion in these words. I read poetry to get a feeling, not necessarily to understand the words, yet here I get both. I feel the words, I feel the emotions. The words are simple, dressed and coming as they are, barren flowers that people overlook, but once you look closer you realize that the flowers are beautiful in their simplicity.

This poem is simply beautiful, and beautiful in its simplicity.

I loved it. Thank you for sharing such a poem. I'm sorry the words here are loopy, like rippling thread floating in space, but that's how I feel when I read this.

Wow, the end there kinda made me sad.

I'm not going to leave this as a review because I'm not familiar with this poem style, but I think you were saying that traditionally the b lines rhyme, but you decided not to make them rhyme?

I had thought that all the a lines rhyme with one another as well. Overall, was your intention that this is a Lai but it doesn't rhyme, and instead the inspiration is just the syllables & stanza length, etc.?

The idea behind this is very interesting; I love stars and I often look at the news for astrology discoveries, etc.

I wonder if this author is looking far out in the stars to search for something within themselves. Or rather, because they've given up on that.

Hi@DJTurkey.Honestly, I never knew there existed something called" Lai poetry structure" I got to know it from you. So thank you.
I liked your poem. I love how you rhymed it well. I don't have any knowledge about this style so no comments at all.I loved how you explained the journey of scattering of stars.The last line was indeed heart touching. I could feel you.
I feel the following lines are awesome:
"gazing upwards at
the ink-black heavens
above,"
I feel you should have written g of gazing in capitals. I think it was just by chance or is there any reason behind it
Do reply.
From:Bhavya.