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Young Writers Society



Masks

by Atticus


We hide behind masks every day.
In our effort to match society's expectations,
we compromise our own idea and way
of looking beautiful and being ourselves 

It begins simply, using a social media filter
to enhance our natural appearance on our photos.
We use it to straighten out a curl or anything that is akilter
or to present ourselves in a better lighting, make us look prettier

But these masks are a terminal disease
And their symptoms do not just end there.
Now we can change our appearance with ease,
And we begin to hunt for ways to improve 

We apply layers of makeup like paint, 
ignoring our strengths and reducing ourselves to faults
that our culture has told us we have, and we taint
our natural beauty with products to impress others

We Photoshop images of us in our everyday lives
in an effort to look skinnier, curvier, or stronger. 
Even our prettiest freckles disappear; not one survives
the purge we put our bodies through to look "attractive"

Because we are no longer satisfied with our natural bodies,
we put money in the pockets of plastic surgeons
seeking artificial to our bodies that, in our minds, embody
The image of perfection, an unachievable goal we expect to reach

Hundreds of industries have taken advantage over this weakness
that haunts so many worldwide, and never stops gnawing at us.
It is an unsatisfiable hunger, and we no longer embrace our uniqueness. 

Instead, we choose to use artificial enhancements, little touch-ups 
that society nods proudly at, but it has done its job because now 
we have paid the price for all our medical and technological advancements.
We didn't realize these masks came with an asterisk, an unknown cost

Now it is time to pay or remove the masks, return it to its owner, 
pack them in a box and never once look back or open the box. 
And we realize that our trial is over, and now we return them to our loaner
Let us join together and lift these masks off our skin and realize our beauty.

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Sat Dec 30, 2017 5:03 pm
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zaminami wrote a review...



Hello MJTucker! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
We hide behind masks every day.
In our effort to match society's expectations,
we compromise our own idea and way
of looking beautiful and being ourselves{.}

It begins simply, using a social media filter{,}
to enhance our natural appearance on our photos.
We use it to straighten out a curl or anything that is akilter
or to present ourselves in a better lighting, make us look prettier{.}

But these masks are a terminal disease
And their symptoms do not just end there.
Now we can change our appearance with ease,
And we begin to hunt for ways to improve{.} {oof the metaphor}

We apply layers of makeup like paint, {I don't I think makeup is stupid}
ignoring our strengths and reducing ourselves to faults
that our culture has told us we have, and we taint
our natural beauty with products to impress others{.}

We Photoshop images of us in our everyday lives
in an effort to look skinnier, curvier, or stronger. {**glares at People magazine**}
Even our prettiest freckles disappear; not one survives
the purge we put our bodies through to look "attractive{.}" {SCREW ATTRACTIVE SCREW PRETTINESS SCREW BEAUTY BE YOURSELF}

Because we are no longer satisfied with our natural bodies,
we put money in the pockets of plastic surgeons{,}
seeking artificial to our bodies that, in our minds, embody
{t}he image of perfection, an unachievable goal we expect to reach{.}

Hundreds of industries have taken advantage over this weakness
that haunts so many worldwide, and never stops gnawing at us.
It is an unsatisfiable hunger, and we no longer embrace our uniqueness. {there's only three lines in this stanza and that interrupts flow}

Instead, we choose to use artificial enhancements, little touch-ups
that society nods proudly at, but it has done its job because now
we have paid the price for all our medical and technological advancements.
We didn't realize these masks came with an asterisk, an unknown cost{.}

Now it is time to pay or remove the masks, return it to its owner,
pack them in a box and never once look back or open the box.
And we realize that our trial is over, and now we return them to our loaner
Let us join together and lift these masks off our skin and realize our beauty. {THANK YOU}


My interpretation:



**looks** I don't really need to, don't you think? It's clearly said in the poem and I'm just too lazy to analyze shhhhh.

Overall:



I loved this! Why doesn't it have more likes?! I have three reasons:

1. Pretty much every single girl in my school either a) wears a crap-ton of makeup on their skin so they look like a baked cake, b) has disgusting perfume on, c) has slutty clothes, or, most of the time, d) all of the above. I hate that they do that and you can just tell who the ones are who are growing up way too fast.

2. I have always been a huge fan of personal beauty. If you're not pretty, who cares? You're awesome inside unless you're a serial killer and then you are horrible for killing cereal.

3. I only have one word: Drama.

Keep up the great work!!

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

Image


This review courtesy of
Image




Atticus says...


Hi there Kara, and thanks for the review! Two short questions: what did you mean by 'oof the metaphor', and what about drama? I'm having a bit of trouble inferring from the context :/. Thanks again, and I'm glad you liked it! it probably didn't get that many likes because I'm a horrible poet



zaminami says...


comparing masks to a disease :D

drama in famous people who are "pretty" and I hate it



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Fri Sep 29, 2017 7:30 pm
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Konijnje wrote a review...



Hello! Konijn here to review!

Although this is a bit old, I came across it whilst looking for something interesting to review. While it has a really good topic, I found it a little... long? Too wordy? Even forced, in some areas and aspects. It starts off pretty well, but as you near the end I feel like it goes too much in depth. Poetry embraces the imagery in life; the way we can see and comprehend rather than be told something. This poem has such potential for topic, and when you started off with the mask metaphor, I was expecting something much different. This poem lacked a lot of what makes poems so enjoyable. I'm not saying it is bad- please don't think I'm bashing your poem. This is just my personal opinion on how to improve it. Take it for what it's worth.

I would like to firstly critique the rhyme, because I noticed from the start it seemed forced. In some areas, it was pretty good, but when you get to sections like stanza eight, it appears that there is no rhyme at all. Personally, I'd do away with it completely for this poem, since it seems to be restrictive in wording and flow - which brings me to my second critique!

The flow was a bit odd in this poem. Often times when reading poetry that is in set stanzas with rhyming patterns, the syllables in each line are very close in number, helping it have a pleasing flow. For instance, Robert Frosts poem Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening says: "Whose woods these are, I think I know./ His house is in the village though;/He will not see me stopping here/ To watch his woods fill up with snow."

When reading this, you can see how the rhyme seems to flow off the tongue and the syllables are similar in length. This is something I noticed your poem visibly lacked, as each line seems to be increasingly longer in length and larger in syllable number. As for fixing this, I have no suggestions other than re-writing it, which may be something you aren't interested in at the time.

Lastly- something I just happened to catch- in the last line of the very last stanza, you begin with a capital letter although the previous line had no indication of the sentence ending. Basically, you could either add a period at the end of the previous line (right after the word "loaner", or you could remove the capital letter at the beginning of the last line where it says "Let us..."

Those were the three big things I wanted to critique. Other than that, your poem was pretty good! Like I said in the beginning, I really like the topic. Keep writing! I look forward to reading more of your works in the future.




Atticus says...


Thank you for your review! This was only the second poem I've written, so I appreciate any critique I can get. I'm glad you liked it, and thanks again :)



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Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:26 pm
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quratulainanjum wrote a review...



Very well written MJTucker! masking ourselves behind the social media is like a trend now a day. People pretend to show off that how great and fulfilled they are, while they are just hollow deep inside. It not only snatch our originality but also makes us fake. At the end of the poem, encouraging oneself to remove that mask is all we need.




Atticus says...


Thank you!



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Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:23 pm
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RainaDee wrote a review...



I enjoyed the idea of this, however some parts could use a bit of touching up. I feel pretty much the same way as @Lightsong feels, that poetry is generally ment to be short and persice. However, you could turn this into a short story and add some details or examples of what you mean. Either way, I feel this is a good idea that just needs a little polish. Keep up your writing! :)




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Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:12 pm
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Lightsong wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to review! :D

We hide behind masks every day.
In our effort to match society's expectations,
we compromise our own idea and way
of looking beautiful and being ourselves


In poetry, you need to be as short as possible if said shortness can still deliver the same message. For the second line, you can omit 'In our effort' to make it more direct.

It begins simply, using a social media filter
to enhance our natural appearance on our photos.
We use it to straighten out a curl or anything that is akilter
or to present ourselves in a better lighting, make us look prettier


The same goes this stanza. The third and fourth lines pretty much a more imagery version of the second line, so you can omit the second line to make it more direct. We don't need to know filter is used to enhance appearance when we already read of how it works - by straightening a curl, putting us in a better lighting, etc. 'look prettier' is telling, so you can omit that line too. The stanza would be like this:

We used a digital filter to straighten out a curl or anything
that is akilter or to present ourselves in a better lighting


Since the stanza is shorter now, you can add in more emotive lines to make the delivery stronger.

One of the biggest flaw of this poetry is that it works better as an essay. It's precision with the lack of metaphor and vagueness simply doesn't present itself as a poem. Its message is crystal clear to the point where it seems like a writing that has been broke into lines rather than lines that made up a poem. I would suggest you to incorporate more stylistic devices like metaphor, similes, repetition, allegory, etc. The use of rhyming is utilized 50 percent here and since not all lines are rhymed, it feels forced.

Overall, this poem has a powerful message, it really does. You certainly know what you want to say, but it's only a matter of rewording it to make it more of a poem. The lesser words used, the better. The vaguer it is, the better - though it can't be too vague. You want your readers to read this and leave wondering the meaning behind this and allowing more interpretations to be made. If you have any question, feel free to PM me. Keep improving! :D




Atticus says...


Thanks for the review! I appreciate your stylistic critique, since this is the 2nd poem I've written, and I will try and work on that idea. I'm better at essays than poems, and this idea started out as a short story, then morphed to essay, then to poem, so I can see your points there. Thanks again, and have a great day!




The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names.
— Chinese proverb