Young Writers Society

I definitely relate to this in a sort of different way. I’ve never grown up around religion and so it’s never been a significant part of my life. To be honest, I’ve always desired to be a part of a religion if only for the sense of purpose and belonging it may provide. But I’m also really doubtful because how can I place all of my faith and trust in someone who others claim love all and demands my faith yet allows so much hate and pain to thrive amongst humanity.

Hey Tuck,

This reads not quite like a poem, and I think it might be more striking and impactful if structured to mimic the form of a psalm - or other religious scripture. At the very least, in my opinion, this reads more like a prose poem of sorts which is why I suggest an adapted structure.

Overall, as someone who is not religious and has little desire to seek out faith for reasons adjacent to your own (mostly, I disagree with the contradictions you highlight here), this was a really interesting piece. It is uniquely concise and does not beat around the bush. The directness of the language, of the voice, is... peacefully confrontational in a way that I respect. It also conveys the emotions of loss - feeling denied by your own, grieving an inability to feel fully embraced by the faith community. I think that maybe this could be quite effective if read by someone who also belongs to the Church, yet is not in your shoes. It might provide them that opportunity to stand in your shoes and see your perspective a little better.

I appreciated the sectioning of the poem (trust, follow, believe, love), and I think if you adapted the structure according to my suggestion above, you could still do so with these sections. Not only does it slow it down, but I think it further strengthens the emotion being conveyed here and also streamlines the message you are trying to get across.

The last two lines are the strongest, and maybe because they seem reminiscent of language found in the Bible: "not crucifixion of my sins or my flesh / but ... of that which makes me myself". All the words before are ultimately leading up to these two lines. Well done.

Thanks for an interesting read, and for conveying such a heartbreaking message in such a productive way.

All the best,
Lavvie

Hey! Zekcede here,

The first thing I want to say is that this is absolutely beautiful, and it left me speechless. The first time I read through it I had to go and re-read it because the little details sprinkled throughout are amazing.

I don't think I have anything to critique about the work, so let's move on to more good things!

- I love the writing style!!!! the way you write is so breathtaking I had to stop for a second while reading

- I really enjoyed the back and forth between trying to trust, and yet knowing that there are so many things and reasons why not to trust

- I love how the God in the story barely speaks, and yet brings out all these emotions int eh character ))

(all of the aforementioned emotions are sent down to the reader and now I'm crying)



this was amazing! keep it up!

-Z

Hello tuckster!!! Here for a review. I really wanted to drop a review and what I think about it. Well, to tell the truth, I guess I am a believer of God but still want to be confirmed. It's really full of questions– the biggest mystery ever. There are many many people who claimed that God do exist– in fact they have seen God!! But, can't that be an illusion? Maybe they were insane to reach god and as a result they started imagining. Can't it be that? Then there are many who think god created us. If so, then god must have created our brains but our brains are telling that god doesn't exist! What can we do now? If you ask for believer, then I must specify the big bang. It somehow happened– a cataclysmic explosion. But, how it happened? I was reading somewhere that the universe was in a stationary state before it happened. What made it move then? Science tells that something can't change its state until force is applied? Who or what applied that force? Can it be God? Or Big bang didn't actually happen?

<333

Hi
This is so beautiful...it's moving, deep, profound, touching...I could go on forever.
Especially loved the last two lines of the second stanza
Keep writing