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Life or Death ~Book one It Begins Prologue

by Tsunami


                                                     Prologue

The large orange sun slowly sank behind a mountain of hills in the distance. As the sun set beyond the horizon the once hot brown sand takes on a cold feeling to it as the heat leaves the small grains. Small lizards scurry across the small grains of sand trying to escape the crisp night air.

A young dragonet sat by the window of he's wooden house waiting for he's father to come back. He's mother was sitting on a long brown mat, her thing tail swaying in the air. Her large, sandy, yellow wings closely tucked to her sides. Her dark black eyes glances up at him and she smiled her large teeth catching the moons glow.

Her gaze never left his. Her warm eyes soon turned into concern. She slowly got to her feet and walked over to him. Her large talons not making a sound as she walked over the sand. His mother sat down next to him and looked down at him. She scanned him up and down frowning.

“Viper what’s the matter?” she asked in a gently soothing voice. She placed a large wing along his back bringing his small scaled body closer to her.

Viper looked up at her then back out along the sand dunes outside. “When will father be back? Has something happened to him did he get eaten?” 

His mother sighed. “Oh, Viper, I’m sure his fine. The chief wouldn’t keep him there to long!”

Viper nodded his head. His black eyes scanning the sand once again. His small wings tucked along his sides. ‘What if something really did happen? What if his hurt and he need our help? What if the chief is trying to kill him?’ he though.

His mother looked out the window and smiled. “It’s a lovely night.” His mother sighed, she stood up and walked over to the mat she was lying on a second ago. “Your father is fine Viper!” Then his mother went back to the book she was reading.

Viper turned away from the window and walked over to his bed. He lay down feeling sleep start to take over him. Then all was black.

…….

Viper woke up to the sound of talking. The moons light shining into the dark room and bouncing off of the rooms walls. Viper looked over to where he could hear his mother and father talking joy filled him knowing his father was safe..

“Already? But his to young!” his mother protested.

“We don’t have a choice Grain,” His father said.

“Yes we do Quake! His our son!” Grain whisper yelled.

Quake sighed. “I know. But if we don’t do this he will take him by force and kill us, and I don’t want that! I’ll at least be able to teach him!” Quake explained.

“But his only five!” Grain sobbed. Her frame shaking as she cried. Her tears falling to the sand.

Quake hugged her. “We have to be strong for him. There is nothing I can do about this! At least make it easier for him!” Quake said in a soothing voice trying to stop her crying.

Grain nodded her head looking up at Quake the last of her tears falling to the floor. “Will I be able to see him again?” She looked to where Viper was sleeping a look of hope crossing her face.

Viper ducked into the darkness, not wanting to be seen by his mother and father.

Quake’s hull body stiffened. “I’m afraid not. After a while I won’t even be able to see him!”

A new river of tears rushed down Grains face her wings shacking. “How long?” she asked wiping her tears with her talons looking back at Quake.

“Tomorrow I’m afraid,” Quake said wrapping his wings around her.

“Oh,” was all Grain could say before she let out another river of tears.

Viper gasped. ‘Is mama DYING?’ a horrified look came upon his face. He jumped out of his bed and ran over to his parents. “Don’t die Mama!” small tears falling down his face. He wrapped his talons around his mother’s leg not letting go.

Grain looked down at Viper and smiled. “Oh I’m going anywhere dear. I will be right hear when you need me!” Grain smiled down at Viper as he cried into her dark yellow leg.

Quake gave Viper a small kiss on the head, “Everything will be fine okay! We will always be here know matter what.”

Viper nodded his head. “So Mama isn’t going to die?”

Grain smiled. “No dear.” Grain leaned down and liked his face clean.

“Now go back to sleep. We will see you in the morning!” His father said quickly.

Viper looked over to his bed then back at his mother and father. “Could you sleep with me?”

His mother and father smiled and walked over to the bed and lay down. Viper ran over to them and snuggled into the warmth of their body’s. He slowly fell asleep next to them not knowing what the next day would hold.


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Fri Aug 10, 2018 9:42 pm
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dogsrule5 wrote a review...



Hey, Dogsrule5 here for a review!

Wow it's been so long since I've written one of these haha!

Overall your story is amazing, but there are a few things that would need fixing! Here they are!

1) When you say something like "I no" it should be I know spelled k-n-o-w not n-o

2) When you go to say his it should be spells he's (h-e's not h-i-s).

3) dieing should be dying (d-y-i-n-g)

4) holed should be hold (h-o-l-d)

There were a few other spelling errors, but that's really all I saw that no everyone else has mentioned! I just think you should work on spelling just a tad. (sorry not trying to sound rude or harsh, just trying to help)

I have a couple of suggestions for you as well!

1) I think you should describe what the characters look like, and what the setting is like, while telling the story so readers can imagine the characters in the setting! For example the room when Viper is waiting for his dad to come home, what does it look like. For example instead of saying "his mom was sitting on the mat" you could instead say "His mom was sitting on her pink map right next to a end table" or something along those lines, (that doesn't have to be the setting of your story, that's just an example on how you could describe things, so readers will know what the setting looks like).

2) also describe what the characters look like, and what their facial expressions. For example when Vipers parents were talking, you could've said, Vipers mom said this with a worried glance, or something along those lines.

3) I think you should describe what the characters look like. (I know I said that last time, but now I mean physically more) What color are Viper's wings, etc.

Those are just a few things to think about!

I hope this helped for this chapter, and chapters in the future!

Overall this story was super good, and I can't wait to read the next chapter, so let me know when it comes out please!

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs




Tsunami says...


Thank you so much for the review. You will find out what Viper looks like in the up coming chapters, but i will defiantly add a bit more description into this chapter.

It's just when your writing the story you don't really think about those things so much. So you defiantly helped.

And thank you again. I'll let you no when the next chapter is out.



dogsrule5 says...


Yeah, sometimes I forget to think about the setting to, because I'm so involved with the plot and action going on in the story, I know I definitely do that in my book Unsafe haha! And no problem, let me know if you have any questions about writing so setting descriptions, I'd be happy to help to the best of my ability! And great, I can't wait to see what Viper looks like, and learn more about his personality! And thanks, I can't wait for the next chapter!



Tsunami says...


I have posted the next chapter on YWS. Here is the link. Life or Death ~Book one It Begins Chapter 1
And I will let you no when I need help with my story, I'll make sure of that. And you can always come to me for help to you no.



dogsrule5 says...


Great thanks, and I just left a review for the next chapter! I loved it, and there's another review waiting for you to read haha!



Tsunami says...


I saw it. it was great.



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Fri Aug 10, 2018 1:11 am
EagleFly wrote a review...



Hi there you no ho I am I am here to do a review, first thing is that this is a grate lengh for me, Small lizards scurry across the small grains of sand trying to escape the crisp night air, I am not really shore about this bit, It is a bit tranche to me really it need a bit more discretion I think,
second thing,her thing tail swaying in the air, I think you mad a slite era I will point it out to you.

spot the difronse,
what you have said, her thing tail swaying in the air. what I have said,her thin tail swaying in the air. see it is only one era,

Viper nodded his head. His black eyes scanning the sand once again. okay I like this line but I don't really now what viper looks like here is need more description to it,
‘What if something really did happen? What if his hurt and he need our help? What if the chief is trying to kill him?’ he though.

His mother looked out the window and smiled. “It’s a lovely night.” His mother sighed, she stood up and walked over to the mat she was lying on a second ago. okay here her son is talking but she agnors him kon pleat ley it is not right don't she answer him.

“Yes we do Quake! His our son!” Grain whisper yelled. I don't really understand what you have said here at the end. so that is all that I can say about this. so keep up with the good work.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill




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Thu Aug 09, 2018 4:00 am
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Ophetheos wrote a review...



Hello Tsunami, (90% sure this is how I'm gonna start a review from now on) anyways...The first thing I've noticed is in this passage
“Viper what’s the matter?” she asked in a gently soothing voice. She placed a sandy yellow wing along his back bringing him closer to her.

Viper looked up at her then back out along the sand dunes outside. “When will father be back? Has something happened to him did he get eating?”

His mother sighed. “Oh Viper I’m sure his fine. The chief wouldn’t keep him there to long!”

(specifically the "Has something happened to him did he get eating?") The eating sounds weird when you read it out loud...did you mean "Has something happened to him did he get eaten?" Apart from that is Viper a dragon? I probably shouldn't question your naming but otherwise good work!

His mother sighed. “Oh Viper I’m sure his fine. The chief wouldn’t keep him there to long!”
Also this part is lacking some pauses try "Oh, Viper I'm sure he's fine. The chief wouldn't keep him there for too long!" Apart from that I'll leave a second review if I catch anything else?




Tsunami says...


Thanks so much for the review! I'll go change those things, and yes Viper is a dragon.


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Ophetheos says...


No problem! :)




It is most unlikely. But - here comes the big "but" - not impossible.
— Roald Dahl