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E - Everyone


by ToxicAnglerFish

Somewhere within an old story

Lies a truth and a dozen lies

Wrapped in mystery, hidden away within time itself

Only a few souls would find this tale

Look into the woods 30 miles in

Walk on the stairs into the unknown

Find tragedy among trees, dirt paths, and dried out creeks

Hear whispers in the wind and hidden caves

Go into adventure and make otherworldy memories

Discover the truth and tell the real tale

Go find the destiny of those fallen before you

Live it, breath it, feel it.

It's your journey, your adventure, live it.

Welcome to the forest

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79 Reviews

Points: 1923
Reviews: 79

Sun Oct 27, 2019 12:43 am
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dahlia58 wrote a review...

This poem is beautiful.^^ I live in an area with a lot of forests, so I can relate to this work very much. There's something, as you put it, otherworldly about the forest and the atmosphere it creates.

This is written in free verse, correct? Somehow, the structure seems to fit the free magic the forest exudes. My favorite line is "Lies a truth and a dozen lies." I'm not quite sure why I like this line, but it stands out to me as lovely.

Please do write more.

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26 Reviews

Points: 56
Reviews: 26

Wed Oct 23, 2019 2:54 am
DariaTheGirlWhoLovesPizza wrote a review...

Hey, I also saw ur comment in my feed! In all honesty, I should probably be trying to sleep right now. But who needs energy when u could review random poetry? Not me! 😬

Okay I’m going to start with what I like. First off, your beginning was absolutely amazing (I’m talking abt like the first 4 lines.)
Beginning poetry can be really awkward, mostly when I write poetry. But u did it pretty seamlessly. Also, the word choice was admirable for the most part. This poem didn’t confuse me but it also made me think, so that’s really cool. Honestly, I’m not gr8 with poetry bc I’ll delete a line like 40 times and still be unhappy with it.

However, I feel like this poem was told weirdly, if that makes sense. Like there wasn’t a connection between me (the reader) and you (the narrator) I of course liked the storytelling sort of narrative, I just feel like u need to establish some form of “relatableness.” Ok. Idk if that’s a word but I’m gonna go with that.

So yeah, also there’s basically no punctuation in this poem. Yes, this can be a stylistic choice and if it is, by all means continue! I’m not here to tell u how to live ur life. However- I feel like this poem would flow so much better if you added commas or periods (punctuation) at the end of ur sentences.

Ok well this is gonna be random, but while reading this I pictured one of those amusement park commercials, like Orlando studios. Where they tell u to chase ur dreams and such. I’m not saying this like a bad thing at all tho lol, I acc really liked this poem.

Anyways, you seem to be a talented poet writer, and I trust your future endeavors will be even better! Tho I swear I’m not just saying this, this is a nice poem.

Well... I’m off to go pretend to sleep. Bye!


Thank you! I really enjoyed how humorous your review was! And yeah I realized theres some sentence structure issues with grammar issues since some others pointed that out. But I'm glad you.enjoyed my word choice :)

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894 Reviews

Points: 29595
Reviews: 894

Wed Oct 23, 2019 2:06 am
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alliyah says...

Hey I saw the comment on your wall, so thought I'd at least leave a quick comment - I think the concept of using a forest as a metaphor for life? the world? is pretty interesting and there are so many directions you can take it. I think you have some very neat and mysterious threads in here already like the "otherworldly memories" and the notes about true - but I think it doesn't quite tell a story yet, not all the lines and themes and images feel connected quite yet. The language is provocative, but the narrative pull just isn't quite there yet. Maybe try taking another look at it starting with deciding exactly what you want to communicate - and then eliminating or adjusting anything that doesn't communicate or add to that main narrative point. Best of luck in your writing! I see some good poetic instincts here, and a lot of creativity already in this piece.

- alliyah

Thank you! I did want to keep this poem simple but I was thinking of expanding it a little bit :)

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109 Reviews

Points: 1283
Reviews: 109

Sat Oct 19, 2019 11:12 am
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4revgreen wrote a review...

Hey there!
I really enjoyed this little poem.
I liked how there was no rhyme scheme or structured form. For me, I thought it reflected the path of the story, and the path and journey through the forest.
The poem flowed well, though I think that a few of the lines were slightly too long to fit in with the rest of the flow and it disrupted it a little.

Wrapped in mystery, hidden away within time itself
For example, I think this would sound better as two different lines, separated where the comma is.
Find tragedy among trees, dirt paths, and dried out creeks
Again, I think it would flow a little better if you split it into two lines.
Obviously, this is just my opinion, but I really do think this is a sweet and adventurous poem :-)
Keep writing!

Thank you for the review! I really appericated it even on this small poem of mine :)

Spend your days thinking about things that are good and true and beautiful and noble, and you will become good and true and beautiful and noble.
— Matthew Kelly