Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Other

E - Everyone

The Beat...

by TiggaBiscuit

The Beat is like a shadow in the night, lurking and waiting to consume you.

It lurks in the shadows as I pull the headphones up over my head.

The Beat is stepping further into the shadows inviting me to follow.

It glistens as the rain starts to pound against my hands and phone as I unlock it and open up iTunes.

The Beat is surging now, pulsing in my veins as I start my favourite song.

It lights up the rain ridden path, igniting the life in its path.

The Beat has taken control and is showing reality its true colours.

It lets the world burn before it, as it takes control.

The Beat takes control, my feet pound against the concrete as I run down the dark street.

It intensifies as I quickly run across the street, heading home.

The Beat ignites my mind and numbs the pain of the metal smashing into my flesh and bone.

It stops and has left me there, disposed of, left to fade away.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
130 Reviews

Points: 2109
Reviews: 130

Mon Jul 28, 2014 4:19 am
ScarletDreams14 wrote a review...

Hey there! Scarlet here to review.

Yeah, yeah I know. Review day is over but I just can't help myself!

Nitpicks first...

None, great job!

Poetry confuses me in so many ways, but your poem was clear and beautiful. I can really relate, I love music. I literally cannot live without music and I would fall into depression if without it.

This is elegant and bold, smooth but with a sharp edge. I like that.

You did a very good job and I salute your beautifully crafted writing skills.

I give you... 7/10.

High five! Or not...


Sincerely, Scarlet; Reader, Writer, and Reviewer

TiggaBiscuit says...


User avatar
557 Reviews

Points: 2194
Reviews: 557

Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:26 pm
erilea wrote a review...

Hey, TiggaBiscuit. Wisegirl22 here for a friendly review. Happy Ultimate Pokemon Awesomeness Team Plasma For The Win Review Day! I really wish we weren't third place with second place 6,000 ahead of us...

Okay, in this section you misspelled "veins".

"pulsing in my vains"

And in here, you misspelled "favorite". No, no, it's perfectly valid, but I prefer the non-British term.

"I start my favourite song."

I have no idea what "palf" is, and it's not a word.

"igniting the life in its palf"

Again, I prefer the non-British spelling.

"showing reality its true colours."

Overall, this was amazing, besides some nitpicks. I think you're great, so keep writing! The Green Room is where you belong!


TiggaBiscuit says...

And in here, you misspelled "favorite". No, no, it's perfectly valid, but I prefer the non-British term.
Do not fix something that does not need spelling and who said this was BRITISH? Sure the language comes from there but still...

erilea says...

It is British. Kind of.

User avatar
116 Reviews

Points: 1994
Reviews: 116

Sun Jul 27, 2014 8:45 pm
ForsakenAngel wrote a review...

Hello there, how has your day been?

Well, this isn't nearly as good as your work Your title goes here... but it definitely has potential to be amazing! You've put into words what I've thought every time I've jogged to a really good song, so thank you. :D

On to the criticism! There was quite a bit of repetition, and I don't just mean when you said "The Beat" at the beginning of every other line, which is perfectly fine.

The Beat is like a shadow in the night, lurking and waiting to consume you.

It lurks in the shadows as I pull the headphones up over my head.

The Beat is stepping further into the shadows inviting me to follow.

Just in the first few lines you repeat shadow(s) three time, and having "lurking" in the line above "lurks" isn't a very smart move. Find another word to replace them; that way you can show off your extensive vocabulary as well as use a variety of phrases so that readers don't get tired of seeing the same words used throughout your writing.

Other than that, this is very good, which I've come to expect from you! Keep up the great work and write on.


TiggaBiscuit says...

The message is more important then the vocab.

User avatar
28 Reviews

Points: 531
Reviews: 28

Sun Jul 27, 2014 8:17 pm
eleutheromania wrote a review...

I loved your take of music in this characterization of rhythm. I really liked how you captured the haunting comfort of music, showing how it's wickedness is an escape as well as a cage and that even though often music gives us rest from reality, it can sicken us with the volume it has in spreading a message about reality or life. However, I thought that the fluidity of the poem was a little choppy because you jumped from idea to idea in a way that was slightly abrupt. I think maybe in the future you should try to write down what you've decided to tell a story about and reread it a few times and make small changes. Reading what you've written out loud really helps when you're trying to make things more fluid and consistent in a poem. As a writer who likes bending the rules though, I'd like to say that if you do have the previous practice of reading over what you've inscribed and thinking it through before sharing and if this form of your writing is merely who you are in the words, punctuation, and organization, then please, don't change. Having a signature way of breaking the rules of writing is really fun as a poet. Thank you for the imaginative metaphor and whatever you do don't stop writing!

User avatar
213 Reviews

Points: 150
Reviews: 213

Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:58 pm
dark wrote a review...

I wish the Beat was a person so we could dispose of people together! Mwuhuhuh!

I enjoyed this poem a lot. There really isn't much to say, no mistakes, no grammatical errors, that I can see anyway. The poem is solid, and if or not the poem has a solid meaning or not, I don't know. That's the best part. The unknown. Some people fear it, but I embrace it.... Sorry. Good work, Tigga

~The dark one.

User avatar
806 Reviews

Points: 1883
Reviews: 806

Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:32 am
Aley wrote a review...

Hey Tigga~

I think you've got an interesting image here that's very realistic in the way that your main character is using the music to drown out the surrounding life. You've done a good job examining that as an aspect of this individual.

That being said, I think you've got some room to improve still because you're not exactly clear about what's going on in the story, and adding different line breaks could add more of a visual beat to this poem instead of the random image it now presents.

For the original suggestion, I'd like to see you really focus in on what you want this character doing. At times it sounds like they're going for a jog to exercise, for instance, "the rain ridden path" and "the world burn" with "it takes control" because these would be pretty accurate for how runners get into a runner's high. The problem is you change it by saying "I run quickly across the street, heading home." because now instead of just running the track, the individual actually has a direction and somewhere to be, which breaks the idea that they're running to run, and draws in the question, why are they running in the rain in the first place?

As for the second, if you had line breaks that were more like quick quick long, quick quick long, then you could impose a visual beat of some music. You could get away with just about any line beat if you used it to make a beat visually, and really emphasized it to show for the average reader.

Overall, I think you've got some room for improvement, but you're doing a really good job getting there so far. I'm happy with where you're starting and I think with minor improvements it will be pretty great.

TiggaBiscuit says...

This isn't about the character, you need to take a closer look at it.

User avatar
230 Reviews

Points: 1224
Reviews: 230

Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:03 am
yellow wrote a review...

This is amazing! You did a good job! I really love the title. It fits perfectly with the story. It is very poetry like, lol don't know what to call it. You did fit the story under the right genres. Same with the rating. Overall, its a really nice poem. TiggaBiscuit, good job!


You know what the big problem is in telling fantasy and reality apart? They're both ridiculous.
— The 12th Doctor