Young Writers Society

Hey, Vilnius! I'm back with yet another review for you. I'm a bit sleepy today cuz I was up late watching Bojack Horseman and listening to some Middle English stuff, but that's neither here nor there. I'll do my best to deliver a RevMo worthy review of your poem.

Okay, gonna start with critiques today. I noticed your rhyming was a bit choppier with this poem--not in the sense that they don't rhyme or that they're not consistent, mind you. I mean they feel a tad forced, especially on the lines "who received from all folk their sweet smiles" and "and of her Tale there were rarely complaints." It feels like you're running out of things to say in these lines and a couple others.

In keeping with our rhyme theme here, I'd also like to address your rhyme scheme (see what I did there?). Throughout the poem you have a consistent pattern where you rhyme every other line, but in the third stanza you switch to sets of couplets. Not only that, but--and this really got me--you rhymed "Land" with "land"! That's another one of those choppy rhymes I was talking about above. That aside, I'm just curious about the scheme change. There's not necessarily anything wrong with it; I'm simply wondering what brought it about.

That's the structural stuff out of the way, now. I'm gonna aim a few critiques at your first stanza now. Number One (this one is a little nitpicky): The word "sorrow" is used to describe the Tale of Souls twice! I would have liked to see a little bit more variety in the phrasing of this stanza. This brings me to my second point: In the same line you say "sorrow and woe", I gotta say, that makes me want to fret. When you tell the children of yonder not to fret and then follow up with one of three "for"s, I would expect something comforting to come after. Instead, I hear that this is a tale of sorrow and woe (which is already established in line one). If you must have the sorrow and woe line, I would move it towards the end and add "though full of" right before it, thus separating the bad stuff from the exciting stuff like adventure and love.

One last critique: I would like to see at least one more stanza dedicated to the contents of the Tale after which this poem is titled. For a titular object, the Tale really doesn't have much coverage aside from some mentions and a single stanza.

Huzzah, nasty stuff is out of the way! Now for the things I liked. In the final stanza, I liked that you re-established your poem's first line through Sinestra's words. That was skillfully done. Also, your ending was lovely! "for North, South, and East shall I go/until [at] last find I the histories of the West." This was such a cool line. Finally, I really appreciated that there was a bit more rhythm to this one than the other two I've read. It gave it a bit of a bounce that's vital to entertaining stories.

Overall, Vilnius, this was a pretty good poem. There are of course a couple typos here and there, but nothing too drastic. I think with a couple tweaks and a few additions, this will be right up there with "The Devil's Song of Ismelda the Sixth"!

Happy Revmo and happy writing!

Wishing you the very best,
RavenLord

Hey! c:

I like the edits you've made! As usual, it reads more smoothly now, and I love the overall natural, legend-like flow of the poem. There's really nothing about this that I don't like.

There's a few small typo sort of things, so I'll just point them out in case you missed them.
- Stanza 1, line 3: Be warned, dear children of yonder days
I think this is meant to be addressing "dear children" and telling them to "be warned... of yonder day?" So you'd need your comma after children, which I know you know lol
- Stanza 3, line 5: A history, this way, of those ancient lands
I think you mean "A history, this *was*?"
-Last stanza, line 7: Indeed, we are all apart of that Tale,
*a part
I think Bubbles already pointed out the couple others.

A few things that stood out that I liked...

I like the way you put an ellipse at the very end of the first stanza; it makes that part about love between friend and foe seem thoughtful/reflective, encouraging the reader to pause and consider the possibilities of what's coming in the Tale, possibly acting as a bit of foreshadowing.

When at last the tale came to an end,

Sinestra sighed and looked at the floor.

"There is more to be told, my dear friends.

I'll return when i have something more.

For the Tale of Souls is sorrow-filled,

an epic that never ceases, nor ends.

Greetings, felow author!

I'm here to review this wondrous poem that, judging by your publishing history, is part of another universe. The very first thing that struck me was the lack of musicality that remains pervasive throughout the entire poem. Poetry is more than just rhymes, even if it's an epic. It's important to keep a rhythm to the verses as well. Usually you can ascertain it by reading it out loud, the stressed syllables come out and they're pretty much all there is to the rhythmic foot.

Also, constant verse length goes a long way, and your poem really lacks it. Let me give you an example:

For the Tale of Souls is sorrow-filled,

and epic that never ceases, never ends.

Indeed, we are all apart of that Tale,

and never again shall these old bones rest,

the gleam of the night lights were in her hair,

Started was the Tale by a kindly old witch

until I last I find the histories of the West.