Hey there! Plume back again, here with another review!
Ooh wow. I really loved reading this section! Something about the way you write is just so engaging. (I know I said that last time, but IT'S TRUE.) You write with a practiced air and it is so impressive. Maybe it's the staggering lack of grammatical errors, but whatever it may be, it's really great.
One thing I really enjoyed was your sentence progression/variation. I think the flow of the actual prose was really impressive. The way you input dialogue is so casually effortless. Every sentence seems like it belongs in the places. It's one of those things that I read and I don't feel like I'm reading, you know? I feel like I'm experiencing it. It's really great work you have here, and I hope you know that.
One thing I will comment on is the pacing. Like Star said, I feel like Pinkeye's death was kind of brushed over. I didn't feel as sad as I really should. The immediate segue into planning for retailiation (get it? reTAILiation? cause they're cats? ah never mind) really made this go by so fast and I feel like you could have drawn it out a bit longer. This would also be a great way to characterize. Grief brings out a lot of interesting character aspects in people, so I'm curious what it would do to your characters.Also I want longer chapters your stuff is so great to read aaaa I do acknowledge that grief tends to slow down a story, and if you're looking for that fast paced action, it might not be the right choice. It's just something to keep in mind!
Also, I wondered about the POV. If I'm not mistaken, it seems to be switching? The reason I ask is because I can't really pin down who's POV it's from. Maybe it's the names. The switches are pretty subtle in my mind, and it creates this niggling confusion in the back of my mind. I'd suggest reinforcing them in a more explicit way. (Also, if the POVs aren't switching and I'm just confused and can't get these names straight, you can just ignore this part.)
I don't really have any specific suggestions. Grammar/formatting wise, this piece was pretty spotless. Nice work!
Overall: really great job! I love reading your stuff, and I know I'll definitely be back for more. Until next time!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
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