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The Augury of RiverClan = 5.0

by TheScribe


"Rookfeather, will you just shut your mouth?" Quickflash snapped. "You've been bullying Riverpaw for days. He's not doing any harm by helping out Pinestep."

"He needs to be preparing for his assessment," the blind tom growled as he lashed his tail. "He doesn't need to be fawning over herbs."

"Then maybe he just isn't meant to be a warrior."

Ripplepaw sighed as he slipped away from the other members of the hunting patrol. Bicker, bicker, bicker, that's all that mangy old tom does anymore, Ripplepaw thought to himself. He needs to retire before he crosses the wrong cat. At least elders are allowed to be grumpy.

Dewwhisker flicked her tail and added, "Pinestep asked us to keep an eye out for these herbs. Riverpaw should take them back to camp."

"Some other cat can do that," Rookfeather snapped.

Riverpaw, Graypaw, and Ripplepaw silently sat to the side and watched their mentors argue. "Don't worry," Ripplepaw whispered to his brother, "he's just upset because you might be his last apprentice."

"I know," Riverpaw mewed quietly, whiskers twitching disappointedly. "I just... being a warrior doesn't feel like it's meant for me."

"We've been training for almost six moons," Graypaw whispered back. "Surely you won't change your mind now."

"I'm... not sure." Riverpaw pawed at the ground uncomfortably. "I've never been the best fighter... maybe it's better that I stick to my strengths."

"What're you three whispering about?" Rookfeather growled, interrupting their conversation.

"We were trying to figure out when our assessments will be," Ripplepaw lied quickly. "We've been training for ages. It can't be too much longer before we're warriors."

"Maybe you and Graypaw," Rookfeather sneered. "Riverpaw won't be a warrior if he doesn't--"

"Riverpaw, take the herbs to Pinestep and see if she needs anymore help," Quickflash interrupted. "Graypaw, you and Ripplepaw are going to hunt near the stepping stones instead of finishing this patrol. Consider it a test of your skills. Speckleheart was there this morning and said it was a bit misty, so be extra careful."

Ripplepaw felt his fur lie down; he hadn't realized it was even bristing. He shook his head trying to clear his head a bit before turning towards the river. He flicked his tail for Graypaw to follow while Riverpaw started back towards camp. As the three warriors headed towards the border, Ripplepaw turned back to look at his sister. "You don't really think he'll abandon us, do you?"

Graypaw was quiet as she pushed past him, changing from a brisk walk to a steady jog. "It's up to him," she reasoned. "I can't decide what he does anymore than you can, and really I'd rather not think about the possible repercussions that could have. Shorestar wanted all of us to be warriors. She's not going to like being told that one of us mght not become one."

Ripplepaw sighed as he followed her, carefully trudging over the twigs and stones that were scattered all over the ground. Since when is she not one to talk about our family? he asked himself.

Graypaw held her tail straight up, signaling for Ripplepaw to stop. "Do you smell that?" she whispered, lowering herself into a crouch.

Ripplepaw crouched closer to the ground as well, opening his jaws to scent for prey. The aroma of heather and gorse overwhelmed his other senses. "Rabbit!" ghe mewed giddily.

"Shh," Graypaw warned as she started to move forward, fur brushing against the ground. Then, like a bolt of lightning, she lashed forward and growled as she pounced on top of an unsuspecting bunch of fluffy fur. The rabbit squeaked loudly; Graypaw has acted just a moment too late as she nipped at its spine, killing it. "Mousedung," she hissed.

Ripplepaw stood up again and looked at the massive rabbit. "That's as big as Stormkit!" he exclaimed. "It's more than enough to feed all of the elders and still have some left over."

Graypaw shook her head and replied, "There won't be more prey around here now. It's all been scared off."

"We can go back towards camp and catch more prey on the way," Ripplepaw reasoned. "Then we'll have time to find more prey as we go." Graypaw nodded slowly and picked up her rabbit in her jaws. Ripplepaw watched as she emotionlessly padded back up towards where they had left the others earlier. There's something wrong with her, but I can't quite put my paw on it, he thought.


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10 Reviews


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Tue May 04, 2021 3:22 pm
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Otterpop wrote a review...



Greetings! Otterpop here, with a quick review!

Wanted to get this out of the Green Room, and it's been a while since I've read Warrior cats stories! I do apologize that I have not read the previous sections, but I think I may be able to provide some useful feedback regardless!

So from the dialogue at the beginning, I am under the impression that Riverpaw has aspirations of being a medicine cat, and there may be those that either support or object to Riverpaw's desires. I'm not sure if this was established in previous sections, but either way it's external conflict that could potentially brew up some internal conflict, which is a great thing to have in your story! Relationship conflict between Graypaw and Ripplepaw is also a bit of an interesting thing to see. Any kind of conflict in a story has potential, and can be resolved quickly, over a long period of time, or not resolved at all, and that's the real beauty of good conflict in any story.

The rabbit squeaked loudly; Graypaw has acted just a moment too late as she nipped at its spine, killing it.


Something little I noticed, but it should be Graypaw had acted, not has, for third person POV. I'm also a slight bit confused by what you mean when you say Graypaw was a moment too late? Could I have misread something?

This is also a slight bit of a nitpick.....but it took me a little bit to realize that Ripplepaw and Riverpaw are two different characters but their names were so similar I actually had to reread a couple of sections to un-confuse myself. I personally don't like when two characters have very similar names, unless it's for plot or character reasons, but again, this is probably just a tiny nitpick from me.

The dialogue flowed really well in this and you seem to have made all your characters very grounded and varied in just this one section I've read, from Quickflash's encouragement to Graypaw's indifference to Riverpaw's nervousness. A lot of the emotions Ripplepaw was feeling seemed subtle and the overall story flowed rather well. These are some interesting characters and a fascinating story you seemed to have put together; I can tell even from this one section!




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Sun Apr 11, 2021 7:32 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



AHHHHHH IT'S HERE <333

"Rookfeather, will you just shut your mouth?" Quickflash snapped. "You've been bullying Riverpaw for days. He's not doing any harm by helping out Pinestep."


OH RIGHT, cause his true calling is a medicine cat, but not everyone is going to be happy about that >.> Quickflash is always so supportive of everyone else - I'm glad someone has Riverpaw's back

Bicker, bicker, bicker, that's all that mangy old tom does anymore, Ripplepaw thought to himself.


Omg Riverpaw xD I don't blame him at all for thinking so negatively of Rookfeather though; I'm sure this is all pretty hard on Riverpaw :/

"We've been training for almost six moons," Graypaw whispered back. "Surely you won't change your mind now."

"I'm... not sure." Riverpaw pawed at the ground uncomfortably. "I've never been the best fighter... maybe it's better that I stick to my strengths."


YES RIVERPAW <3 sure, he's been training for six months, but college students are three years in and realize they're in the wrong major xD so it makes sense for him to explore an option and figure out it's not best for him. I think it's super interesting how instead of wanting to "hurt people" (being a warrior) he wants to heal them (medicine cat) -> they're opposites, so it's not going to be easy for Riverpaw if he's forced into being a warrior

"What're you three whispering about?" Rookfeather growled, interrupting their conversation.
]

HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE

"Graypaw, you and Ripplepaw are going to hunt near the stepping stones instead of finishing this patrol. Consider it a test of your skills. Speckleheart was there this morning and said it was a bit misty, so be extra careful."


Quickflash to the rescue! This dialogue is really natural, and ahh it seems so real

He shook his head trying to clear his head a bit before turning towards the river.


Just wanted to point out that bit of repetition :)

Shorestar wanted all of us to be warriors. She's not going to like being told that one of us mght not become one.


It's scary how real and relatable this is >.> like this is a story about cats, but this could be so easily applied to people in the real world - and I think that's why Riverpaw's story is so ahh </3 because it feels so real and ugh, poor guy :/

The aroma of heather and gorse overwhelmed his other senses. "Rabbit!" ghe mewed giddily.


YES I love these little details and use of specific scents c: (p.s. I believe you meant "he"?)

unsuspecting bunch of fluffy fur.


ahh I love this little phrase <3 it's so interesting and awesome and heartwarming to see how much your style has changed an improved since October! c: AHHH I'm really enjoying this chapter

There's something wrong with her, but I can't quite put my paw on it, he thought.


Love the adaptation of the praise! :) Have you thought of sneaking more hints that something is off with her? You DEFINITELY don't have to if you want to make it more subtle haha, it was just a thought c:

okay but now I'm curious as to what's up with Graypaw >.> what if she's like, leaving the clan or something - that's probably not it, but "emotionlessly padded" makes me think that it's something bad that she's been keeping to herself :/ I just hope she's able to talk to someone about it soon and not keep it all to herself. But I just have a feeling that it's something big like her leaving 0.0 hope not!

POOOOOOR RIVERPAW :( from the way things are looking BEFORE he has announced he's going to be a medicine cat, I can't imagine the reaction he's going to get after he starts to take the path to a medicine cat 0.0 I just hope that his family and those around it will be able to accept it quickly <3 at least he has Quickflash on his side :)

much love for you <333




TheScribe says...


Quickflash is just awesome in general XD

Tysm for the review <333




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