This reminds me of a scene in this one book we were reading in school called "Tuesday's With Morrie" where this phenomonally well liked teacher comes into his college classroom and just sits there staring at the kids for twenty minutes, completely silent. It makes all the kids uncomfortable, and after a while he starts a discussion about what about human nature makes us uncomfortable with silence? I feel like this is something like what you were going for, and also just curiousity about how random people would react to this. I agree in thinking there should be more blank space, though. It is hard to review a blank canvas.
Needs even more space! Reminds me of a famous musical piece called 4'33 by John Cage--there's a video on YouTube of a pianist walking to the bench, sitting down and just...sitting down. That's it. It's 4'33 minutes of silence. He stares at the sheet music, opens up the keyboard, adjusts his lapels, and keeps pretending as if he is about to play a piece. He's not. He never is. The whole thing is a performance art piece about silence dressed up as a piano solo.The reason I'm describing the piece is because that is what your piece basically is, but shorter (and honestly, more to the point, but such are the advantages of a visual medium) Go look at it! I think you'd be interested in how uncomfortable it makes you, having to sit there in silence with just your thoughts.
Seems like something I would do on your wall >.>
Hey TheCursedCat! Because you have this in satire, I was under the impression that it's supposed to be blank, especially since you titled it "Open to interpretation"? I actually think it's an interesting, postmodern sort of idea, and I'm kind of intrigued to hear your reasoning behind it. As mentioned, I think the idea itself is actually quite interesting, but I'm not sure if it meets its full potential.If you're not going to have any words in this poem, and mainly want it to be about the blank space, I think that's totally fine, and interesting, but in that case my main suggestion to you would be to play around with the space on the page. Are there symbols, letters you could use? Could the page be mostly blank with something close to the end? As it stands, it's hard for me to critique nothing, but if that's the way it's going to be there's something that has to allow your reader to think about what it means.Something that just came to mind (though of course, feel free to ignore this) is the idea of "word salad", when people say a lot but nothing at all, and I had a vision in my mind of a poem entirely gibberish words. Anyway, thanks for sharing!Hope you're having a great week, and keep writing. Elinor
Ah, yes space, emptiness the pursuit of nothingness into time of eternity. We live in it, we die in it we grow and we learn in it.This is us. This is wonder. This is life.
114,282 Literary Works • 616,234 Reviews