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My world

by The pages


my world is as vast as my imagination, and I have a fertile one.

In my world, the trees sway hither and thus in rhythm with the wind. The two chime as if they were old friends discussing ancient times.

The green grasses plaster the land, in contrast to the beautifully colored horizon—showing what an artist the creator is.

The birds chirp in unison, the praises of yet a new day.

In my world, i can't help but notice how rich I am, with gold in the morning sun and silver in the starry nights.

The cool breeze of the virgin night caresses my body, giving an unexplainable feeling of calmness. A true solace of open spaces.

In my world, I notice too, how ripples kiss the water's surface the way mothers do their new borns.

Scattered candy-like clouds make up to the skies,  in an attempt to absorb all that's around them.

In my world, I witness as well, how the placid waters of age leave no man off board the great voyage of life.

I see how seasons come and go, just as my favorite song plays on and on...

In my world, love is genuine, I call to thee and answers. Only that my world is my world and not our world. The difference between the two—only one is reality. 


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150 Reviews


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Fri Nov 01, 2019 4:20 pm
KatjaDawn wrote a review...



Hello The pages, Katja here to review your work! As with all of my reviews please feel free to disregard any and all comments or suggestions made should you find them to be unhelpful. With that being said, Onto the review!

Overall Opinion

I think your piece really emphasizes the desire to change the world into something untouched and beautiful without death and with only joy, happiness, and love. Your strongest point in this writing was for sure the vast amount of imagery used to show the reader what you are envisioning. I really enjoyed that it actually felt like a natural flow of thoughts, like the writer is explaining as they visualize their ideal world. It felt very sad at the end,

The difference between the two—only one is reality.


Like emphasizing that the real world is so much worse than the one the writer wants. And truly would it not be great to make the world our own ideal version? This one sounds beautiful and your use of imagery really helped me visualize every part of it. :)

Suggestions

my word is as vast as my imagination


My should be capitalized and I'm pretty sure you meant "world" instead of word?

In my world, the trees sway hither and thus in rhythm with the wind.


Not so much as an issue rather than my perspective: I would possibly add "are" to make it "and thus are in rhythm" or something like that. When I read this my first thought was that you were using thus to also describe the motion (swaying) of the trees alongside hither. While not incorrect that's how I read it the first few times so just a thought.

In my world, i can't help but notice how rich I am!, with gold in the morning sun and silver in the starry nights.


the use of the exclamation point and comma is incorrect, I would suggest either making the next line a new sentence or combining the two^^ For example you could say "...how rich I am, with gold in the..." or "...how rich I am! I have gold in the..."

Other than that your use of "i" should be capitalized for example,

In my world, i can't help but notice how rich I am!


That first i should be capitalized.

Final Thoughts

I really enjoyed this, particularly your use of imagery. I love how seemingly each line evokes a new image in my mind, but I can't help but feel a little sad by the ending, creating such a beautiful world that is ideal to the writer and realizing that the reality is the world will always be imaginary. I'm not sure if you meant for the piece to have this much of an affect on the reader, but it truly made me ponder the changes our world could have to make it better, and realizing that is not going to happen is very sad. You did a wonderful job!

My favorite part of this piece was,

The cool breeze of the virgin night caresses my body, giving an unexplainable feeling of calmness.


Great job and I hope to read more of your work soon!


~Katja




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Fri Nov 01, 2019 3:17 pm
Stellarjay wrote a review...



Hello The pages!
I really enjoyed your work. I liked how it was almost like a poem just with long lines. It was a nice change! The only thing I see that needs a change is in the first line. You spelt world without an "l". But that is so minor that it doesn't even matter! Other than that there is nothing that you need to change in this story. From my point of view at least :)

Keep on writing
- Stellarjay




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Fri Nov 01, 2019 2:16 am
dahlia58 says...



YWS tends to post reviews twice....




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79 Reviews


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Reviews: 79

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Fri Nov 01, 2019 2:16 am
dahlia58 says...



What a beautiful world your world is.^^ I like the strong nature-related imagery you've used throughout the work. I especially like the second-to-last stanza, where you compare the coming and going seasons to your favorite song playing continuously. The last verse is a little sad, but sometimes, what's most important doesn't have to be in reality, at least in my opinion. I really enjoyed reading about your world.




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79 Reviews


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Fri Nov 01, 2019 2:16 am
dahlia58 wrote a review...



What a beautiful world your world is.^^ I like the strong nature-related imagery you've used throughout the work. I especially like the second-to-last stanza, where you compare the coming and going seasons to your favorite song playing continuously. The last verse is a little sad, but sometimes, what's most important doesn't have to be in reality, at least in my opinion. I really enjoyed reading about your world.





"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss