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Encounter the Unknown

by The pages


DARKNES WITHIN chapter one

The night was full of wind and destruction. Trees plunged and bent as their leaves flew hither and thither until the lawn was plastered with them, lying packed in gutters and chocking rain pipes as well as scattering damp paths. The moon shone onto the earth with a pale gray light with gasps of wind blowing over its surface making that cool, if not chilly sensation of early winter. The misty night empowered all creatures of the night,giving them the ability to arise and torment the living.

It was then that Jim-nock opened his achives collection in search for his father's research book and rather ancient map no navigator had put their hands on. Some kind of anxiety had struck Jim-nock's heart making him think that after five years of his father's cross over to the afterlife he had all it needed to resume his career.

Jim-nock's father, Bostock-al-verose was one of those supernatural hunters destined to rid the earth of any ungodly beings, well known for interference with the raid of emperor Chin's tomb in ancient China by some insidious minions of a powerful sorceress. He had also accompanied the mighty Abraham Lincoln in his quest to free the earth of the blood sucking mammals that terrorized the land, "vampires", they were called. however, Bostock met his demise when he attempted communing with the dead using one of Jao Yamaguchi's artifacts, the red soul stone. This was ranked third of the five dark magic artifacts. Whoever possessed it would have abilities of unveiling the past of any soul(living and dead), send and retrieving souls from the depths of the afterlife as well as draining another's life force to prolong the other or oneself's life. however such tremendous gifts had come with consequences no man had lived to tell, Bostock inclusive. his sacrifice to sermon his wife Maria-de-Verose ended in vein, him dying with Jao.

meanwhile, Bostock' research book(through ways perplexing and grim) had  made its way to the teenage Jim-nock at the father's grave. At this his heart skipped a beat or two. it had been two years since he had last heard from/of his father yet here it was—a note book with his father's credentials sealed by blood. " definitely an enchanted one..."he thought, yet still, for three years couldn't open it for fear of what lay beneath the covers. But that was before that night, the night the celestial verdant star of Lord Dramadon, grand master to the demons positioned itself atop the earth's atmosphere. It was the star that put Jimnock into unveiling the mysteries beyond all he ever wanted to know, and the first step to that was skimming through his father's notebook and he had the notebook.

With what seemed an eternity Jimnock had pulled forth an age beaten piece of colored paper wrapping the book from the underneath of his childhood toys. Carefully he unwrapped the pieces only to reveal a dark brown A5 sized notebook he had picked up from his father's grave, he then thought of ways of breaking the blood seal. No sooner had he touched the seal than his head flooded with visions, it felt like some other being was binding itself within him. "The ancient spirit of necromancy," he thought as he grabbed hold-tight of his head hopping to contain the tormenting headache that had fallen onto him with a wild thud of discomfort. The temperature in his room suddenly dropped as a freezing sensation made it's way from his heels upwards. Obviously Ill fortune had pressed itself upon him. However, it still meant nothing for he was to break the seal and open the book...so he opened the book.

 Then, the weather outside turned fulminous, a vermilion pigment touched the earth's surface all the way from the moon above it. Jimnock opened the book only to find it blank. He strained his sight with hope for a change only to meet disappointment, for the more he strained the heavier his head grew and later it also went blank. Avoid of white light lying vastly with him in the middle of it.(looking back now if anything happened at that moment in time...act of God). When all was clear, he could somewhat see the contents of the book at the back of his mind.

JaoYamaguchi, it stated, was a powerful sorceress who rulled ancient Japan with the aid of black magic. Aided by three of five dark magic artifacts, she had powers beyond magical bounds  yet still wanted more. Her greed had put her into finding the other two artifacts,the most powerful ones of all. Little did she know it would be her desire for power that would cause her demise...! Clearly it wasn't what she had hoped for when she sold her soul to the devil.(some clerical error perhaps!!!)


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27 Reviews


Points: 2223
Reviews: 27

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Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:17 am
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IsProcrastinator wrote a review...



Hello, IsProcrastinator here for the review!

The opening paragraph is well written, and pulled me right in. However, before I get to the content, I'll start by addressing some typos that may have escaped your notice.

DARKNES WITHIN (chapterone)


Darkness within, chapter one.

Trees plunged and bent as their leaves flew hither and thus until the lawn was plastered with them,


Pretty sure you meant hither and thither.

It was then that Jim-nock opened his achieves collection in search for his father's research book.


Archive collection.

Jim-nock's father, Bostock-al-verose was one of those supernatural hunters destined to rid the earth of any unGodly beings, well known for interfearance with the raid of emperor Chin's tomb in ancient China by some insidious minions of a powerful sorceress.


Ungodly, interference.

however such tremendous gifts had come with consequences no man had lived to tell, Bostock inclusive.


Capitalize the h, and including Bostock would sound better.

No sooner had he touched the seal thanofhis head flooded with visions,


than his.

Avoid of white light lying vastly with him in the middle of it.


A void of white light, I think. It seems this sentence is awkwardly phrased.

Clearly it wasn't what she had hopped for when she sold her soul to the devil.


Hoped for.

Ok, with these sorted out, let's move to the content of the story.

First of all, I love the idea of the protagonist's father being a supernatural Hunter, and the Jim-nock having possession of his father's notebook makes things even more interesting. Quite reminiscent of the Supernatural series, I must say. :)

The description is on point, and the mention of the five artifacts keeps me wanting more. One was the red Stone, and what were the other four?? I want to know! I also like how you established the atmosphere for the story. And the appearance of the star of Lord Dramadon adds to the ominous surroundings.

I wish you would start a new paragraph whenever anyone is speaking, it'd be better that way, and include some physical description of Jim-nock. We love to visualize characters after all! I really hope you post soon, I'm already hooked.

Have a good day/night and happy writing! :)




The pages says...


Thanks...working on the nest chapters. That was more of free lancing, I hadn't planned.!



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Points: 237
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Thu Oct 31, 2019 3:57 pm
AceDragon wrote a review...



Over all: Wow! What a concept! There are so many places this could go! Given this is only a part I am left with so many questions: How many of these (I guess I could call them demon/monster hunters) are there? Do they have some kind of organization? Are some of them bounty hunters? Are there ever hunters who work with some of the demons/monsters? Are all of them bad? Also the descriptions were amazing, it really gave the reader a mental image of the scene. My only correction would be: "ended in vein with him dying with Jao." with was used a little too much right there, taking away from the moment. So maybe consider changing one of the withs to another word.




The pages says...


Thanks




Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
— Obi-Wan Kenobi