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A title of little meaning

by Stellarjay

my brain is leaking and

I don't know what to do.

the scream of agony,

annoys my family,

it reaches the ears of my neighbors,

and travels across the world.

they think Godzilla has arisen,

but its just the demon inside of me,

that I tried to pull out.

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293 Reviews

Points: 26390
Reviews: 293

Tue Dec 22, 2020 5:35 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...

Hey there, Stellarjay! I've come to drop by a short review ^_^

I love how much impact this short poem has. You've used a lot of effective language, such as describing your brain as "leaking" (that line is probably my favourite). And I really liked the comparison to Godzilla - since you're using such a big creature in your comparison, the reader can understand how "loud the screams are." Overall, I really enjoyed reading this poem of yours <3 I do have some super duper small suggestions for you. These are just suggestions though, so if you don't agree, please feel free to disregard them!

the scream of agony,

I think it would be cool if you could describe the scream a bit more! Maybe something like "the scream of agony / rips the sky into two" or maybe "the scream of agony / bursts into flames and mars the sky" or something like that xD also, personally I would leave out the comma at the end of this line since the next line is a continuation, but that's entirely up to you!

annoys my family

If the said scream is loud enough to travel across the world, perhaps it would do more than just annoy your family? Maybe it would rip them from their slumber, or rattle their ribcages, or something xD Basically, I think stronger verbs would really give this poem a greater impact

it reaches the ears of my neighbors,

Same thing here; I think using a stronger verb then "reaches" would be really cool, especially since this is a shorter poem. Maybe shatters, or fractures, or something like that. Just a suggestion! :)

that I tried to pull out.

Same suggestion; I was trying to find a stronger verb than "pull." Maybe rip, extract, tear, snatch, wrestle, or something like that. Just like how you used "leaking," I think using other strong verbs would enhance this already amazing poem c:

And that's it! Overall, this was such a lovely poem to read. I love how much impact you've delivered in such a few lines and how you were able to present a conflict. I hope you're doing okay; much love to you and your poem <3 <3 <3

I hope this helped! :D

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Points: 420
Reviews: 41

Fri Nov 27, 2020 7:07 pm
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Lionhero333 wrote a review...

Hey there, this is a short review of course. But I need the points... You understand.

Short and to the point, in fact there was no point its like an episode of Seinfeld. This was just something you were writing out of your your pure boredom as you said. I will give it a 3.5 stars out of 5.

Okay now that the review is out the way...

On a serious note I hope your okay. If you were joking then cool but if not I hope you dont think bad times and even boredom lasts forever. Whether it be this pandemic or something more personal for you or maybe something small. I you to know that your voice as an artist and as a person matters.

And remember no matter what, keep writing

Stellarjay says...

Thanks for the review!

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6 Reviews

Points: 773
Reviews: 6

Wed Nov 25, 2020 2:11 pm
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aooborromeo wrote a review...

I quite enjoyed this poem. It's very straightforward, I don't like poems of this genre and style to drag on. The godzilla reference was very intriguing. The phrasing is nice as well as how relatable it is. Here's a tip; if you ever want to analyze how your melds together and the sound aesthetic, recite it out loud. It helps a lot with editing, believe me, I know. From a fellow poet to poet; well done.

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52 Reviews

Points: 1565
Reviews: 52

Tue Nov 24, 2020 9:30 pm
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fleuralplants wrote a review...

Hi! This is going to be a very short review, but here it is!
I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. It is short and to the point, and I appreciate that. It doesn't drag on for hours unnecessarily.
This poem portrays such a strange emotion, but I feel like it is one that is felt by multitudes of people.
This poem really resonated with me. Bringing up Godzilla in this poem was an interesting but effective move.
Anyways, I loved this! Thank you so much for sharing!

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25 Reviews

Points: 1460
Reviews: 25

Tue Nov 24, 2020 8:37 pm
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MadilynReads wrote a review...

Wow! I like the poem. I feel like it is something a lot of people relate to which is hard, but you phrased it very eloquently. It does not rhyme which is perfectly fine because the flow is so nice. Each line flows perfectly into the next, then the next. I really like this poem! When some people are feeling this they don’t know how to describe what they are feeling. You took all the confusion out of their heads and put it simply and eloquently on the paper. This is a good poem. Keep writing!

Stellarjay says...

I'm glad you liked it!

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42 Reviews

Points: 895
Reviews: 42

Tue Nov 24, 2020 7:25 pm
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LadyMysterio says...

Love this!!

So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookcase on the wall.
— Roald Dahl