Young Writers Society

Hey Star! I have a review for you!

I don't know why I don't read your works more often lol. They seem so personal yet anyone can read and relate. You manage to put so much emotion into this poem in particular, yet somehow distance yourself so the reader can feel these emotions and see these images, not just you telling it to them. I've never seen anything like it, and it feels weird, but like a good weird, to be feeling and seeing these things when you are just telling a story in poetry. I don't think I can even put it into words.

Two lines I would like to point out in particular are these ones

Underneath all those walls you had carefully crafted,

Each brick having a reason of its own.

Oh god, where to start with this one?? First off, this is just a really pretty poem in general. The imagery is absolutely lovely and just sort of gently sad. "Your mind was lost in wispy clouds floating over a distant land" is such a clever line for taking the common "head in the clouds" metaphor and expanding on it so it becomes so much more fantastical. The verse:

"I wish I were brave enough to read in between the lines
I wish you were brave enough to hold my hand,
but stars don't hold on to hopeless wishes
(like the way you didn't hold my hand)."

really captures the longing and wistfulness of the narrator wishing for something they believe will never happen. This, coupled with the quiet admission of "(I know mine are cracked and broken in there, too)" makes it so the reader can sympathize with not just the subject of the poem, but also the narrator. Additionally, the flow of the poem is amazing. "Your smile was a fragile glass tower (one push for it to slip and shatter)" has a nice rhythm. The characterization of the subject in the first verse "The sun was shy behind your eyes" is interesting because the sun is usually associated with happiness, so this contrasts the subject's sadness in later verses. It really drives home the point that though this person seems outwardly happy in appearance, that's not the case on the inside. Overall, this was a wonderful poem. Well done!

Hey. I loved your poem! I thought you said some really beautiful things. My favorite part was " The sun was shy behind your eyes Timid roses were hiding behind curtains in your cheeks Your smile was a fragile glass tower (one push for it to slip and shatter).". I loved this part so much because even if the sun, which I assimilate with happiness, and the roses, who are one of the most beautiful flowers, are their the character can go away so quickly. Just like glass who can brake so easily no matter what beauty or what happiness their is next to it. I know curiosity killed the Cat, but I'd like to know where did you get the inspiration to find such good lines? Have a great day/evening!

Hi starlit mind...
I think your poem is great ! IT has everything a poem needs to have. I was inspired by the lines u used.I loved the line "Your mind was lost in wispy clouds floating over a distant land,"
I dont know how you get such wonderful ideas. It was amazing !


Keep writing!

Hello starlit mind!

This is a really nice poem with well-written imagery, good job!

The first thing I want to mention is stanzas. If you don't know, stanzas in poetry are sort of like paragraphs in stories. They're how you divide the poem into smaller chunks of text.

Below is a spoiler of one way you could use stanzas in this poem:

You stuffed away worn out happiness In your nightstand drawer

The sun was shy behind your eyes

The roses were hiding behind curtains in your cheeks

And your trashcan was full of shattered promises

(I know mine are still withering in there too).

Beautiful and Heart Wrenching. I absolutely adore the metaphors and descriptions, especially the parts,"The sun was shy behind your eyes, The roses were hiding behind curtains in your cheeks".
The poem opens up and provides a massive impact to the reader as well as an insight into the character. As the poem progresses, it gets darker and yet so intimate. The very substance we are composed of seems foreign and the pain builds inside, shattering our soul.
The lines within the parenthesis offer a relation to the writer and bring about the notion of unrequited love, which coupled with these lines:

"You bled, and I couldn't quite tell

Whose blood you were bleeding.

I wish I were brave enough to read in between the lines

I wish you were brave enough to hold my hand,

but the stars don't hold on to hopeless wishes"

makes for an emotional and moving read, the pining inside the writer crafted into words. I loved this. I hope you will continue to write and delight us with your works. Thank you so much