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Furst fing's furst

by Sponson Light


Listen up ya yoofs, an' listen good.

Furst fing's furst, in order to be a ork, you gotta be GREEN. None of dem sissy pink 'umie stuff. Dey iz weak, anyfing not green iz a weaklin'.

Dem runty grots are light green, an' not green, da darker you are da orkier ya get.

Secund you gotta be BIG and CHOPPY. Bein' big meanz none of da uuver boyz can boss you around an' you can go an' knock some sense into da boyz fer not bein' big like you are.

You get big by winnin' all da fights an' stuff. You can't be big by bein' cunnin' like dose snivelin' grots.

You also gotta have a good fist fer wrekkin' stuff. Only orks are green.

Fird, you gotta have da biggest and choppiest choppa around. No little club will get ya anywhere's good. In order to have da choppiest choppa around you gotta be big an' choppy an' orky.

Fourf, you gotta have da shootiest and blastiest slugga around. Da shootas are ammo guzzling and ain't easy ta use in a fight.

And you cant spend da time shootin' when you could get in da fight and smash some 'umies. Only da biggest, choppiest ork around can get a good slugga.

Da louder da slugga iz da better it iz.

Fif, You gotta have teef. Dem Badmoons boyz got da most teef, so clobberin' dem will get you lots a wealth.

Teef iz fer da spendin', not fer keepin'. Mekz and docs are da most reliable.

In order ta get teef you gotta be da biggest orkiest ork around wiv da choppiest choppa and da blastiest slugga ta beat da livin' snots outta stuff.

Sixth, no 'umies. Dem snivelin' weak 'umies are worse den da grots. Dey can't be trusted, dont go an' meddle wiv dem, dey iz only good fer fightin' because dey leave a lot of weaponz behind dat you can loot and sell to da mekz and docs.

Dem Blood Axes are da orks who fink dere 'umies. Cant be trusted.

I remember when I wuz a yoof, great times dey were...


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User avatar
862 Reviews


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Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:37 am
Griffinkeeper says...



Almost forgot. Orks? This is a fantasy fiction. *Moved.*




User avatar
862 Reviews


Points: 2146
Reviews: 862

Donate
Sun Feb 05, 2006 6:36 am
Griffinkeeper wrote a review...



If this were dialogue, I'd ignore all the spelling errors. There are no quotation marks though. Thus, you aren't allowed to do this.

Let's just assume that there are quotation marks. Where is the description? Where are we? What are we doing listening to this person? Who is he? Critical details that give color and meaning to any prose are nowhere to be found.

Insert some descriptions, add quotation marks, and then we'll talk.





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