Ok, this poem...this is for Alicia Wolfe...one of my best friends...who committed suicide. She died on 11-11-04, a thursday, but she had been brain dead for exactly one week...this poem...writing this poem was the first time I really cried. It has so much emotion in it that I can't look at it abjectively to criticize it, so please, help?
I only want to scream,
Wrapped up in this black tear dream.
Was it something I did, or didn’t?
I guess nothing’s as it seems.
I want to rave, and rant,
Ignoring all these hellish can’s and cant’s,
Though I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,
How can I not without my partner for this Technicolor dance?
Did you fall deaf to my touch?
Was the feel of my voice just not enough?
Well it’s not enough to just wince at my tears,
As they fall onto my knuckles, newly bloodied and rough.
I’m surrounded by steel and lies,
Plaster tile and plastic alibis,
Till my screams echo inside this void,
Driven crazy by the mechanical whines.
I’d throw more things breakable,
But my quivering muscles make me unable,
And I wish you’d all just leave me alone,
Before the constant touching makes me even more unstable.
I guess now you’ve seen the rock shatter,
Heard the broken dreams scatter,
While outside the sky cried my tears for me,
What’s the matter, pitter patter, let’s drive her madder…
Make her cry, let me cry,
Let me say good-bye,
But how can I till I know why,
Tell me why she had to die!
Did you plan to use that cord?
Did you buy all the pills you could afford?
Were you scared, smothered in plastic?
Laughing, crying, or just not caring anymore?
I guess we’ll never know,
Why you chose to go,
And maybe that’s why I’m going insane,
Why didn’t you leave a note?
Please, someone help me cry,
Someone tell me why,
Let me say good-bye...
Can this poem be good-bye?