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Sakura no odori (Waltz of the Cherry Blossoms)

by SilverKrow

"Pink petals precipitate,

Heaven's buoyant blossom falls,

on this gibbous moonlit night,

an Eastern wind conducts the dance,

the petals pirouetting in an everlasting ballet."

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Sun Feb 24, 2019 3:42 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a review on this lovely day, to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So I thought this was just a beautiful poem, it was short, and I would have liked it to be a bit longer. But It was short and sweet. I could feel the soft wind mixed with soft pink petals blowing through my hair. I think you have made a really good image here, and I felt like I was right there standing near the tree.
I did see one line I would like to point out.

on this gibbous moonlit night,

Now the word I put in bold, I think it doesn't really flow very well with what you have so far, so I wanted to let you know that I think it would sound a little better if you change it to glorious. If you don't agree then you don't have to.
Again I think you have done a really great job with your poem, I'll just say for future poems I would like it to be a bit longer, but this one is okay.
The one line I liked out of the whole poem was this one.
the petals pirouetting in an everlasting ballet."

I thought this was just really well said. I could feel and see them floating through the air, like it's a dance that has know end.

I think this as a really well done poem, and I can't wait to see more form you. I hope to see more of your works posted on YWS soon, and I hope you have a great day/night, and Never stop writing.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix. :D
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

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12 Reviews

Points: 1371
Reviews: 12

Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:35 am
AniceMansure wrote a review...

Hi Anice here for review :D

Amazing, you totally captured the feel of the scene you described! I could just feel the cold wind blowing on my face, the moonlight sparkling and softly illuminating the surrounding. The words made that cherry blossom patel float slowly down riding the air, it's feather like soft descent. It really is like few lines capturing the essence of beauty. Though it would have been amazing if this beauty had been earthbound by a solid circumstance. But maybe it would have just taken away some of it's freedom. And please don't take this as empty flattery, because the poems imagery is really striking.

Anyway, thank you for sharing such an amazing poem with us. I would be looking forward for your new work.

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12 Reviews

Points: 1371
Reviews: 12

Sun Feb 24, 2019 12:25 am
AniceMansure says...

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Points: 68
Reviews: 1

Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:54 pm
LForLizzy says...

This is amazing! I love how you described the Cherry Blossoms in such nice detail! It left me wanting more! I

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind, her name is Jennyanydots; Her coat is one of the tabby kind,with tiger stripes and leopard spots.
— T.S. Eliot, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats