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Scorpions

by Sheyren


oh god

oh god

oh god

oh god

oh god

oh god

scorpions


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Points: 36
Reviews: 24

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Sat May 30, 2020 9:53 am
Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...



Your poem is sort of amusing. I was imagining a shrieking person panicking or perhaps wispering at the sight of a real scorpion. I'm not afraid of scorpions but i'm afraid of spiders and arachnophobia, no matter how laughable it is, is still considered pretty bothersome to me. As i read your poem i'm reminded about my older brother telling me that i am infinitesimally bigger than a spider or rather that the spider is a tiny tiny thing. But other things are tiny like poisonous darts, their size is just a deceptive veneer, i just know it and sorry for sounding paranoid. I've seen on tv methods of facing my fear but i doubt i'm going to cradle a spider anytime soon. The poem also reminds me of the spider-like pack legs from a character called Zim, an alien from a cartoon called Invader Zim. It is very funny, you should check it out.
Scorpions are predatory animals of the class Arachnida, making them cousins to spiders, mites and ticks.
Scorpions have eight legs, a pair of pincers (pedipalps) and a narrow segmented tail that often curves over their back, on the end of which is a venomous stinger.
The scorpion uses their pincers to quickly grab prey and then whip their poisonous tail stinger over to kill or paralyze the prey. The tail is also used as a useful defence against predators.
The scorpion is nocturnal, often hiding during the day under rocks and in holes in the ground before emerging at night to feed.
Scorpions can eat a massive amount of food in one meal. Their large food storage organs, together with a low metabolism rate and an inactive lifestyle means that if necessary they can survive 6-12 months without eating again.
Areas of China have a traditional dish of fried scorpion, and scorpion wine features in Chinese medicine.
The scorpion is one of the 12 signs of the Zodiac, with the Scorpio constellation identified in the stars.
Scorpions moult, they shed their exoskeleton up to 7 times as they grow to full size. They become vulnerable to predators each time until their new protective exoskeleton hardens.

oh God

oh God

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oh God

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useless facts (some may say interesting)




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68 Reviews


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Sun Apr 26, 2020 10:14 pm
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MeherazulAzim16 says...



Made me chuckle. I wasn't expecting that.




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10 Reviews


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Sat Mar 28, 2020 7:13 pm
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amazingbt wrote a review...



Poems are made to make the reader feel something. This poem made me feel confused, so I applaud you for that. However, a poem needs to have some sort of conflict in it. The six "oh god"s that you wrote doesn't really count as a conflict. Who is the subject? The scorpion? What happened to the scorpion? There's no enough description and this piece leaves the reader questioning the purpose of this poem. There's simply not enough information to call this a piece of literature. I see you put this under the topic "Politics". What does the scorpion have to do with politics? There's not enough information (sorry I'm using that word a lot) to really conclude anything from this.




Sheyren says...


Thanks for the review! I'm glad you were confused, that was the goal.



amazingbt says...


Ok, cool!



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31 Reviews


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Sat Mar 28, 2020 6:46 pm
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Alfonso22 wrote a review...



The composition needs more substance in order to elicit a significant reaction Otherwise it leaves the reader wondering what is the purpose. Is it mockery of the reaction to Scorpions? That would be justified if they were butterflies. But the reaction is a normal one. So why should the reader be astonished? Sorry but the number of "Oh gods" doesn't compensate unless the revelation is unusual, such as "Oh God Bald men!"

Also who is speaking? Who is being spoken to? Where is the person at? What is the person's gender and age? Is the person in fear or just joshing? Too many unknowns.




Sheyren says...


Thanks for the review! I appreciate it - I'll consider your comments for future poems.




If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave.
— Mo Willems