"Out of Town Visit"
Readers, this morning I was visited by my brother from out of town. Normally I refrain from sharing personal information such as this, however there is something odd and quite impossible about my brother visiting me. I don't have a brother. I have a twin sister, yes, but I don't and never have had a brother. I was having my morning coffee, sitting at my kitchen table, when he walked through my front door. I asked him how he had the key, and he just laughed it off. "You gave it to me, remember?" I definitely never gave it to him, but he insisted. Then he proceeded to tell me our cousin was sick, and that he had only a few weeks left, his last request to see each of his family members. However, I don't have a cousin either. Both my parents are only children.
I would like to congratulate my very own editor for winning the town-wide car raffle, which is our biggest annual event, of course held every fifth of August. As always, winning not only gets you the new car offered, but you're also given stop sign, red light, and crosswalk immunity for a month. Uninterrupted driving for a month. A perfect gift when you have a new car. Now, our very own Terry Wilkerson won this year. If you don't know, Terry is the human sized turtle which also serves as editor for the Frost Lark papers. He doesn't speak any language, since he's a turtle, but he does say through Arabian symbols written on a sticky note that yes, he does drive a car, and is honored to accept the victory.
"An Editorial on the Annual Car Lottery" (written by Terry Wilkerson)
ويسرني أن أقول أن الفوز في اليانصيب السيارة هو أفضل شيء يمكن أن يحدث لي. أن تكون قادرة على قيادة سيارة جديدة رائعة، والآن أنا لا تحصل تبدو غريبة. بدلا من "هل هذا السلاحف القيادة؟" أسمع "مهلا، هذا هو السلاحف الذي فاز السيارة! أستطيع أن أضمن أن هذه اليانصيب كانت ذات فائدة كبيرة لمجتمعنا، وأشكر مجلس المدينة لإهدائي لي سيارة جديدة كجائزة انتصار.
Here's a question. x^3+y^3+z^3-3xyz-
(x+y+z)(x^2+y^2+z^2-yz-zx-xy)=? What does this equal?
Why are we asking such a question? You're thinking too hard. We have our reasons, now solve the problem. Or else.
NASA. "We make you do our math."
You're watching the Disney channel. Right? You better be watching the Disney channel, cause we have strict laws prohibiting any other channels from being watched. Don't forget those laws. We have your channel watch history.
Disney. "All our characters are white."
What do you like to do when you're home alone?
a) Eat all the cookies
b) Eat all the food.
c) Eat all the cat food.
d) Eat all the cats.
e) Genocidally wipe out all pets on your property.
Frost Lark Health Tips
Crying is actually healthy, and everyone should cry. Having trouble crying? Give yourself a reason to. Perhaps you could do it through eating your cats. That should make you sad.
"Out of Town Visit" (continued)
Apparently, my cousin who isn't real, my… Uncousin lives a few hours away. I contemplated saying no, but my curiosity got the better of me. When I told my unbrother yes, he got excited, thanking me. Then he said something about being excited to finally drive with me again, and that he'd stop by and pick me up tomorrow. I can't say I'm not a little nervous at what will happen, but I'm sure nothing can be weirder than travelling through time. I guess I'll find out tomorrow, when I drive with my unbrother to meet my uncousin in Illinois. My biggest fear is having to see someone I've never met on their death bed, and if he treats me like a long-time friend, I'm not sure how I'll respond. Again, I'll found out tomorrow.