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Frost Lark News 5/21/17

by Sheyren


Frost Lark News 5/21/17

By Skyla Holt

“End of the Order?”

Everyone in Frost Lark believed the Order of the Library had as good as defeated the Bivoclar Lizards. They defeated the main forces and were hunting down the remaining humanoid lizards. However, somehow the tides have turned. The Bivoclar Lizards purposely hid to trick others into believing few were left, but hundreds of troops remained. The Order of the Library was caught off guard, and they have been defeated. In an ironic full-circle twist, they've gone into hiding. Now no one stands between the Bivoclar Lizards and complete control of Frost Lark's political body.

“Pens are Causing Autism?”

Did you know that pens are dangerous for young children? If the child is exposed to the ink for too long, they can develop major conditions such as autism. The heroic group of college drop-outs pretending to be scientists that conducted the study proving this have now attributed the use of pencils rather than pens in kindergarten to the government knowing these potential effects. “The government chose to keep this info hidden from us because they didn't want to scare us,” claims Tod, the head of this research team. Tod is 24, unemployed, and has an excess of facial hair. After making this statement, he pulled out an e-cig, lit it, and left the interviewer. As Frost Lark citizens, we should be thankful for such young scientific connoisseurs! I am glad they have brought light upon this horrible secret!

“Color Update”

The sentient frogs which make up our Board of Education have updated colors to have what they claim are more appropriate names. The following have been changed. Yellow is now Blinding Sunlight. Orange is now Burnt Pasta. Red is now Blood. Blue is now It's a Boy!. Green is now Chlorophyll. Pink is now Stereotypical Girl Color. Purple is now Guys Can Like it Too, Okay?. Black is now V O I D. White is now irrelevant and should never be used again. Any citizens who refer to the concept of white will “disappear.”

ADVERTISEMENT SPACE

Hey, what color is this paper?

Darn, I wanted to try getting you to “disappear.” Just to see what happens.

-Prankster Jimmy

ADVERTISEMENT SPACE

I look up at the night sky. It feels empty, as dark as the bathroom at night before I turn on the lights. I see only the distant pinpricks of light made thousands of years ago. I look down at the ground and see the faint shadow of myself formed by the dim light of the moon. This is what space is.

-NASA. “We like space. A lot.”

Survey Time

What's your favorite color?

a) Burnt Ramen

b) Blood

c) It's a Boy!

d) Stereotypical Girl Color

e) Not white! (oh wait)

Frost Lark Health Tips

According to studies, the sun actually makes you lose weight. Supposedly, ten minutes a day in the sun will shave off a quarter of a pound. Who knew?

“End of the Order?” (continued)

After violently defeating the Order of the Library, the Bivoclar Lizards have decided to take over our government. However, using legalities and other twists, Mayor Clayton has prevented them from hurting him. Basically, harming the mayor prevents you from running for Mayor, and the Bivoclar Lizards were afraid of losing this privilege, so instead of killing him, they began a series of legal battles. Luckily, Co-Mayor Reeds went to law school and is serving as his lawyer. We shall see what happens.


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105 Reviews


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Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:36 pm
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Danni88 says...






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105 Reviews


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Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:36 pm
Danni88 says...



These Bivoclar Lizards are notorious! My favourite colour is It's a Boy! Love these newspapers. Pens causing autism - that's just ridiculous! I like the bit about Tod having an excess of facial hair. Waiting excitedly for the next one.
Right, that's all for now.
WHITE!

*Danni vanishes*




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Mon May 22, 2017 11:15 am
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Feltrix says...



I'm beginning to regret repeatedly swearing allegiance to the Order of the Library. I can tell the Bivoclar Lizards are on my tale. They're coming for me. I don't have much time left. I better use it to do the important things... like say that my favorite color is blood. Oh, no. They've found me. I only have one last chance at escape. Let's hope I go somewhere good, and don't just die. WHITE!




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Mon May 22, 2017 3:42 am
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SubSubLibrarian says...



Wow. So, I'm new, and I really love you right now. You have opened up a whole new world for me. Seriously, this is amazing. Obviously I haven't read the previous news publications, but I will. I am so glad I took the time to read this. I love your humor and I didn't really find any errors. But that might have just been because I was enjoying this so much.




Sheyren says...


Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!



Sheyren says...


Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!



Sheyren says...


Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!



Sheyren says...


Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!



Sheyren says...


My browser glitched... Sorry XD





That's alright. It happens to the best of us.



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46 Reviews


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Mon May 22, 2017 3:41 am
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SubSubLibrarian wrote a review...



Wow. So, I'm new, and I really love you right now. You have opened up a whole new world for me. Seriously, this is amazing. Obviously I haven't read the previous news publications, but I will. I am so glad I took the time to read this. I love your humor and I didn't really find any errors. But that might have just been because I was enjoying this so much.




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Mon May 22, 2017 2:17 am
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Dracula wrote a review...



Here goes nothing...

Now no one stands between the Bivoclar Lizards and complete control of Frost Lark's political body.
So I'm expecting the next edition of Frost Lark to focus on this, okay?!

Tod is 24, unemployed, and has an excess of facial hair.
So this sentence, and your general tone, shows how ridiculous the whole idea is. I suppose you're pointing out how there's so many pointless scientific studies, or perhaps you think injections (aka pens) don't have anything to do with autism and you're taking the mickey out of it? Whatever it is, you're clearly making fun of something. Your writing style shows it.

What's your favorite color?
It's a boy. :) Oh wait. I meant, It's a boy!!!!. You've gotta have that exclamation mark there.

According to studies, the sun actually makes you lose weight. Supposedly, ten minutes a day in the sun will shave off a quarter of a pound. Who knew?
Okay, I wasn't 100% sure about the autism one but you're definitely shedding light on the ridiculous weight loss craze here. Wait, I suggested something like that, didn't I? XD Either way, I like it.

Luckily, Co-Mayor Reeds went to law school and is serving as his lawyer. We shall see what happens.
But is the co-mayor allowed to be a lawyer for the mayor????

Anyway. That's all from me.

WHITE---

*Drac disappears*




Sheyren says...


Thanks for the review! I was making fun of this idea that injections cause autism by writing about pens, since a pen can be two things. So, you were right. If you hadn't noticed, Frost Lark News makes fun of a lot. XD

It's a Boy! is my favorite color too. ;)




Age was respected among his people, but achievement was revered. As the elders said, if a child washed his hands he could eat with kings.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart