Young Writers Society

Hello @hiraeth ! Here to review your poem!

Okay, so the title didn't give me much of a hook, like as you said it is a little cringy. Your whole poem is about a love that you/narrator has, so maybe have a title that has to do with more of just love. And well let it be more of a surprise that there is going to be sadness in the poem be a surprise. Otherwise, your first line got me even though I was pushed by the title. Starting off with a question is a great start. It leaves the reader (in this case me) to wonder what may happen though out.

I like that your poem tells a story, it tells the life and emotion. I would also say the story is beautiful but sad. I many emotions from this, and it leaves me confused. Not confused in a bad way I just don't know how to feel. Just the fact that the narrator is in love but knows things many would never think about. You really showed a lot through this.

Great job! I will be reading more of your work! Especially your poems!

_ From your friend
@PlainandSimple _

Fantastic poem. You have such a beautiful way with words, and I like that you were very deliberate with your capitalization choices -- Death, Fear, and Time are the capitalized words that stood out to me the most. I like that you seem to understand how to evoke emotion from the reader while also conveying a specific tone. While I was reading through this piece, I was actually struck with the feeling of conflict and turmoil; I'm not sure if it's accurate or not, but the feeling of love being as strong as an emotion like fear was a very intense comparison to make.

This poem does a good job of spelling out the way that many people feel about love -- specifically, I love the way you use "wont to follow" and you tie in such archaic language and references like Thisbe and Pyramus.

I literally have no suggestions with this poem; everything about it is wonderful and it was a very poignant read. Lovely job and I hope to read more from you soon!!

Write on <3

Very well composed and written! A few points...there are places more than once when you say "wont". Do you mean to say want?
Also, it convinced me very much of the writers point of view of the love between them, whoever them may be. I also like the reference to the old greek lovers, Thisbe, Pyramus, Achilles and Patroclus. What I mean by saying that I believe the point of view of the writer, I meant by saying that I believe that the writer truly loves who he/she is writing to. It is so beautiful, and yet so sad, that this love is hard to find today.