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16+ Violence

Before the Dragon - Chapter 1.3

by Shady


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Jerica managed to gain the upper hand and used it to her full advantage, beating the man again and again and again until he finally went limp. She kept pounding on him, not noticing he’d stopped fighting back in her adrenaline-fueled state.

“Jer.”

The image of the sobbing girl flashed across her mind’s eye. How dare he? How dare he do that to someone? Especially someone as young as the girl? Jerica had only recently gotten used to not being a teenager herself anymore, settling into her twentieth year at long last. The girl this man had attacked looked so much younger. A child.

The thought made her hit him even harder.

“Jer!”

He didn’t deserve to keep his teeth. Didn’t deserve to—

Someone grabbed her bicep when she pulled her arm back to swing her fist again. She yanked away, whirling around with her left fist raised and ready to go after whoever had grabbed her.

“It’s me!” Rek said urgently, rushing forward to wrap her in a bear hug that pinned her arms to her sides. He was relatively tall and well-muscled, though not enough of either to really draw attention. Still, he was strong enough to succeed in restraining her, for now. He had several inches on her, but she could get away if she truly tried. And they both knew it. “Me: Rek. Don’t hit. Please. It’s me.”

Jerica thrashed, elbowing him in the side before her brain processed what he’d said or who it was. When she realized it was her cousin, she stopped struggling. Rek wasn’t the threat. Rek was never the threat. “Let me go.”

“I will,” he said, loosening his grasp ever so slightly but not turning her loose entirely. “But you’ve done enough. No more.”

“That b—”

“I know,” he interrupted. “Horrible human, could not agree with you more—”

“Cockroach,” Jerica interrupted, turning to spit in his direction.

“Roach, sure,” Rek agreed. “But he’s not moving.”

“Good,” she spat, but turned slightly to look at the man.

Rek was correct. The man was laying on the ground completely limp and motionless, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths that rattled in his lungs. He was oozing blood from his mouth and nose and large bruises were forming across his neck and face, making his eyes swell shut. He appeared to be dead to the world, all the fight knocked out of him.

“He’s had enough,” Rek said gently, cautiously releasing Jerica though staying near enough to grab her again if he needed to.

Jerica sniffed, looking down the length of her nose at the man on the ground. She was still angry, but as the adrenaline wore off, it left her exhausted and sore. She’d had enough, too. But justice still raged in her chest. “He’ll have had enough when she—” She looked around for his victim, but couldn’t find her. She blinked hard, as if that would help her find the girl. “Where’d she go?”

“Home,” Rek said softly, resting his hand on Jerica’s shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “I made sure she got there safe, don’t worry. She’s okay, just shook up.”

“Oh… good.” Jerica nodded stiffly, then gave a half-hearted kick at the man’s ribs, making him groan. “Well, she’s the one who he hurt, so she gets to decide if he’s had enough.”

“Admirable,” Rek answered, dipping his head. “How about we call it a night, though?”

Jerica shook her head.

“Let’s let him sober up in the dungeon overnight,” Rek said. “And then you can decide what to do with him tomorrow, okay? You’ll know where to find him if you want to continue the beating after you get some sleep. Sober.”

Jerica considered; flexing her hand. She was sore and tired, her knuckles all split open and dribbling blood. Her head was screaming and her eyes felt grainy and partially swollen-shut. It’d probably be best to listen to Rek’s judgment here. He tended to be more level-headed than she was, and he was sober. Mostly. She definitely wasn’t.

“…Alright,” Jerica agreed with a reluctant sigh and nod.

“Thank you.” Rek gave her shoulder another squeeze, then he snapped and turned towards some of his men. “Arrest him, and his little friend over there.”

“Sir!” Several of the soldiers jumped into action, picking the big man up off the ground along with the man that Jerica now realized Akeno had beaten up. They weren’t in uniform, and technically weren’t on duty, but Rek was General of the Swordsmen of His Majesty’s Imperial Army and his men weren’t about to disobey him, now or ever. Especially not when Jerica was in a mood like this.

Everyone respected Rek and Akeno as Generals, but feared Jerica as the impulsive, hotheaded King’s Assassin. Rek and Akeno ordered court martials and sought official avenues of discipline when necessary. Jerica jumped off tables to pound strangers into a bloody, half-dead heaps of worthlessness. She had a long history of striking the fear of god into men, and doubly so when she was angry. When they remembered who she was. What she was.

She glanced around. The entire bar was silent and still, staring at her or actively looking anywhere but her, depending on the person. She felt like an idiot, in the center of attention yet again. How did this always happen to her? How had her night out on the town ended in violence? What was wrong with her, drawing this kind of energy?

“C’mon.” Akeno stepped towards her, unbuttoning his shirt. “Let’s go.”

Jerica glanced him over. He seemed unharmed, if a bit sweaty. He pulled off his shirt and offered it to her. She shook her head. He gestured with the shirt, more insistent. Jerica hesitated, then took it and slipped it on, muttering her thanks just loud enough for him to hear.

She was suddenly acutely aware of her vulnerability. There were a few dozen people around, mostly men, in a cramped, dirty little tavern. There were lots of lanterns on the walls, however, illuminating the scene clearly. She resisted the urge to rub the scar on her hip and instead focused on fumbling with the buttons as quickly as she could, to get it out of sight. She didn’t like people seeing it. She hadn’t even thought about it when she’d taken her shirt off. Her brain was too focused on getting the girl covered to worry about her own body.

Jerica rubbed her face tiredly, grimacing as her fingertips brushed across the tender skin swelling around her left eye. She glanced around and winced as she realized the utter mess she’d made of things. She looked until she found the bartender, then shuffled over to the bar and set her purse of coins down on the bar. “Invoice me for the drinks and the damage. I’ll be back tomorrow to square up on whatever this doesn’t cover.” 


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Sun Mar 26, 2023 10:21 pm
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SilverNight wrote a review...



Heyyyyy Shady! Since you’re rewriting this novel again— a beloved, all-time favorite YWS story of mine— I thought I’d get back to work on reviewing it! I moved ahead to this one since the past two parts have already got a bunch of reviews on them and I thought my feedback would be more helpful here, but I have made sure to read them, and I liked them a lot ^^ It’s so good to see Jerica again!

Without further ado, let’s get into this bar fight! I have to add that knowing Jerica, this is a great way to introduce her XD

Jerica managed to gain the upper hand and used it to her full advantage, beating the man again and again and again until he finally went limp. She kept pounding on him, not noticing he’d stopped fighting back in her adrenaline-fueled state.


This part is descriptive of the action, but not in the way that really allows me to get a super clear picture of it, if that makes sense? Gaining the upper hand can look like a lot of things, and although we know Jerica’s beating/pounding the guy, it’s unclear whether it’s supposed to be punching, kicking or something else, so I can’t quite picture what her body movement looks like. Vividity (is that a word? XD) in an action is good and I like how you use that here, though clarity is also good ^^

It is also a little contradictory for the narration to notice that the man isn’t fighting back when she doesn’t notice, because if she really wasn’t noticing we wouldn’t be “seeing” it. Some alternatives might be that she notices and doesn’t care, so she keeps going, or that she only notices later when she comes to her senses a bit? Just some thoughts, I think there’s a few ways to do it!

“Me: Rek. Don’t hit. Please. It’s me.”


ayyyyyy it’s Rek. Welcome to the story c:

“I will,” he said, loosening his grasp ever so slightly but not turning her loose entirely.


Part of this information could be a little redundant in my opinion? If he’s loosening his grip slightly, then he isn’t letting go entirely.

“Cockroach,” Jerica interrupted, turning to spit in his direction.


Deadly things cockroaches can survive: nuclear radiation, and Jerica when and only when Rek interferes ;)

Her head was screaming and her eyes felt grainy and partially swollen-shut.


It could be better to say here that it was her vision that felt grainy instead ^^

Everyone respected Rek and Akeno as Generals, but feared Jerica as the impulsive, hotheaded King’s Assassin. Rek and Akeno ordered court martials and sought official avenues of discipline when necessary. Jerica jumped off tables to pound strangers into a bloody, half-dead heaps of worthlessness.


Love this character juxtaposition XD

I’m interested in how Jerica’s new role where she isn’t also the General of the Archers is going to influence the plot’s direction >.> It’s possible there’s a typo at “a bloody, half-dead heaps of worthlessness” where it could either be singular or plural, though I’m guessing you meant it to be plural ^^

~~~

Okay! This chapter part has made me very excited to get back into all things BtD ^^

I think what Icy said about the fight having gone on for a little longer than necessary is true and that it’s fulfilled its purpose, but you also kept things interesting throughout by using suspense and changes in the action so that it wasn’t all Jerica beating up a guy without even having to try. We do love a warrior ;)

I probably won’t be able to review any more today because I got to this Review Day pretty late, but I will be following (and hopefully keeping up with) the rest of the story! Great work on this rewrite, I’m excited for more ^^

~ silv <3




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Sun Mar 26, 2023 8:14 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



I'm back and suddenly I'm the first reviewer! Wahoo, all the points for me! (side note: my spell check is not working at all so if complete garbage ensues in my review then I apologise in advance xD)

So we're still in the fight, but I think I'm ready for it to end. It's so hard to gauge when reading chapters as parts but I'm pretty sure it's continued for the right length of time for us to get a view on how Jer is as a fighter.

The image of the sobbing girl flashed across her mind’s eye. How dare he? How dare he do that to someone? Especially someone as young as the girl? Jerica had only recently gotten used to not being a teenager herself anymore, settling into her twentieth year at long last. The girl this man had attacked looked so much younger. A child.

This is a good insight into how she's grown up but I think you could tease a bit more at the idea she knows how it feels to be picked on my men older/stronger/in positions of power over her. It can be subtle, but I think it wouldn't be out of place here.

“It’s me!” Rek said urgently, rushing forward to wrap her in a bear hug that pinned her arms to her sides.

In the next paragraph, she hasn't yet sussed that it's Rek so maybe instead of his name in this sentence you could say 'someone'? As it's all from Jerica's perspective, I think we as the reader shouldn't know who it is before she does (unless we guess of course). I'm taking this as you haven't changed the perspective you're writing from but if you have then please ignore!

“Let’s let him sober up in the dungeon overnight,” Rek said. “And then you can decide what to do with him tomorrow, okay? You’ll know where to find him if you want to continue the beating after you get some sleep. Sober.”

I would just like to say again for the record how much I love Rek <3333 I know his father hasn't appeared in this version yet but providing you haven't done a drastic character overhaul you can see where Rek gets his patience and kindness.

“Sir!” Several of the soldiers jumped into action, picking the big man up off the ground along with the man that Jerica now realized Akeno had beaten up.

Beaten up sounds kind of juvenile to me (which could be the intent). I might think about 'taken on' or something with a similar message.

“C’mon.” Akeno stepped towards her, unbuttoning his shirt. “Let’s go.”

I giggled. This would be an excellent out of context quote.

She hadn’t even thought about it when she’d taken her shirt off. Her brain was too focused on getting the girl covered to worry about her own body.

Except she did think about it, and mention it.

“Invoice me for the drinks and the damage. I’ll be back tomorrow to square up on whatever this doesn’t cover.”

I like this line - she has very clear morals!

I'm not going to pause and reflect too much on this section because I'm going to try getting through all the chapters and then do one big summary at the end. So for now, onto part four!





Being a hero doesn't mean you're invincible. It just means that you're brave enough to stand up and do what's needed.
— Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena