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Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

Color Photographs, Chapter One

by Shady


The girl in the picture seemed to stare at Sadie accusingly with her vacant gaze. The girl in the photo, Alia Gibson, had her name scrawled in messy handwriting to the right of the photograph, along with a brief description of her appearance and where she frequented. Green eyes, brown hair, average height, seventeen years old, high priority.

Sadie swallowed hard and looked at the next page in the folder. A middle-aged man with harsh blue eyes glared up at her, his thatch of gray streaked red hair a knotted mess atop his head. Erick Nicholson: 6’3”, forty-nine years old, low priority. She turned the page. Shane Ashford: 5’7”, twenty-seven years old, medium priority. Johnny Carlson: high priority. Heather Paine: low priority. Caleb Fredwall: low priority.

Sadie snapped the folder shut and let out a shaky breath, fingering the front of the folder as she looked down at the battered material. A prickly feeling ran down her spine as she considered who all these people were; what they could’ve done to get their names and pictures in a folder like this. She didn’t want to think about what this folder meant.

Keys jingled as someone slid them in the lock to her apartment. Sadie quickly slid the folder between the dictionary and thesaurus where she’d found it, then closed the roll-top of her husband’s desk as quietly as possible. A moment later she dove onto the couch and propped her feet up on the coffee table, flipping the television on.

“Hey, Sades,” Meyer’s gruff voice came from behind her as he walked in and shut the door.

She looked up as casually as she could, forcing a smile onto her face. “Hey, Babe.”

“What’d you do today?”

“Not much,” she said. She shrugged, being careful to keep her breathing steady. Meyer sat down in the old, fading recliner to her left. She observed him as he twisted the top off of a beer and took a long drink.

Suddenly his clear blue eyes were piercing as they looked at her, and the set of his sharp jaw became threatening. He lifted a dark eyebrow. “Yes?”

“Nothing,” she murmured, shaking herself.

“Mm,” he grunted. A moment later he patted his leg. “C’mere.”

Sadie instantly stood up. It seemed like a bad idea to go against a man who very well might make his living—make their living—by killing people. She strode over to his chair and obediently sat down in his lap, tensing slightly when he wrapped his strong arm around her. She swallowed hard. “So what did you do today?”

“Same as always,” he answered with a shrug, taking a long draught of his beer. “Sold some crops; did a bit of science.”

“Yeah,” she smiled weakly. She’d heard of his so-called science. He claimed to be a chemist when she first met him, before she knew his “chemistry” involved chemicals that got people arrested. She’d forbidden him bringing it into their home even before they were married. He seemed happy to comply.

“Yep.” Meyer nodded. There was a brief silence between them. It would’ve been comfortable if Sadie’s mind hadn’t kept wandering back to the people in the folder. As it was she kept stealing glances at her suddenly threatening husband. He no longer was the man protecting people with his gun; he was the one who brandished guns against others.

“Are you hungry? I can fix something,” Said offered, desperate for an escape.

“Oh, yeah,” Meyer said. “Boss wants to have dinner with us today.”

“Oh,” she answered. That was fine. It would give her more time to think; more time to gather information before she rushed to hasty conclusions. “Do you know when you’ll be back?”

Us,” he repeated. “Me and you. Boss sent me home to get you.”

“…Why?” Sadie asked slowly. Meyer’s boss had always frightened her. He was a man who gave the impression of having a lot of secrets. Now that she knew about the folder, Sadie didn’t care to learn about any of his other secrets.

“I don’t know,” Meyer said. “I guess he likes you. He said he’s been meaning to get to know you better—that it’s been so long since our last meal that he can hardly remember what you look like.

Sadie tensed again as Meyer laughed. She remembered all of the photos in the folder and wondered when they were taken. Did the boss, Mr. Resnick, lure each of them to a social event so he could permanently remember how they look as he put them in the folder?

“What’s wrong, Babe?” Meyer asked, realizing his wife wasn’t laughing with him.

“Nothing,” she said quickly. “I guess I’m just tired.”

“Well… then I guess it’s good you don’t have to cook tonight… I think he’s planning on taking us to a nice place, too. You’d best get dressed up.”

“Sure,” Sadie said as she stood.

“Why don’t you wear that dress I like? The black one with the sparkly stones near the neck,” Meyer suggested, slapping her butt as she walked away.

“Sure, Babe,” Sadie murmured, walking into their bedroom and shutting the door behind her. She took several deep breaths, trying to stay calm. As long as she could pretend that she didn’t know much about their operations, and could keep from making Mr. Resnick angry with her, she was safe. She hoped.

Meyer looked at the closed door with a frown. Sadie almost never closed the bedroom door after her, unless he’d done something to make her angry. But she didn’t seem angry today; if anything she seemed a bit scared. He wondered if one of Reneve’s men had come to threaten her. Reneve had been making threats on Meyer for a while. If he was coming around Meyer’s house to make threats on his woman, he was a dead man. Meyer took another drink of his beer and stood.

He walked over to the bedroom and pushed the door open. Sadie hesitated a moment, glancing up at him before quickly averting her eyes. She struggled with the zipper on the back of her dress. Meyer walked toward her and set his beer on the nearby dresser.

Sadie flinched as he rested his hand on the bare patch of skin on her side that the dress revealed. Meyer grabbed the zipper and swiftly moved it to the top of its tract, then gently brushed her hair over her shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay, love?”

“I’m fine,” she insisted. He met her gaze in the mirror in front of them, and watched as she gave an unconvincing smile. “Really.”

Meyer took the necklace his wife was fumbling with and gently worked the clasp. He smoothed her hair down, then planted a kiss on the back of her head. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“I know,” she murmured, avoiding his eyes in the mirror.

“Mm,” he said. Meyer grabbed his beer and walked over to his closet. He kicked off his black sneakers—the one casual part of his wardrobe—and picked up his dress shoes. He always wore a black suit and tie – today his wife’s favorite, a light blue one with dark blue stripes—but wore comfortable shoes when he was working. It was hard to say when he’d need to move quickly.

Meyer sat on the edge of his bed and took another drink of the beer, carefully not looking at his wife. He needed information from her, and she seemed scared to have his eyes on her. They could work that issue out later, after he had the information he wanted. “So did anything exciting happen today?”

“Not really,” she answered. “I picked up your dry cleaning, got groceries, and cleaned a bit.”

“Yeah, I noticed the fridge smells and looks a lot better.”

Meyer glanced up and saw his wife smile at the praise. He was glad he noticed the right thing. Sadie got annoyed when it took him a few days to notice something she’d put a lot of work into cleaning.

“Did anyone come over?” he asked casually as he bent to put his shoes on.

“No… were you expecting someone?”

“Nope,” Meyer said. He stood and glanced at himself in the mirror. He rubbed his prickly jaw, making a mental note that he should shave soon. His wife liked when he let his beard grow out, but Boss didn’t like it—and since his wife hadn’t taken to brandishing guns, he usually tried to please his boss.

“Alright.”

“Alright,” he repeated.

“I’m ready,” Sadie announced as she finished putting her heels on and stood. She reluctantly walked over to where her husband stood by the mirror. She was naturally tall, standing about three inches shy of six feet, but usually only came up to Meyer’s mid-chest. In her heels she could actually see over his shoulders. Meyer preferred when she wore her sneakers, so she could still bury her face in his chest.

“You look stunning,” Meyer said as he wrapped his arm around her abdomen. She didn’t flinch this time, but she didn’t step nearer to him like she usually did.

“Thanks, Babe,” she said with a smile. She picked up his fedora and planted it on his head, purposefully cocking it to the side. Meyer smirked at her in the mirror, then pulled her around so that they were standing even closer together, and bend down for a long kiss.

When he finally pulled away they were both panting for air. Sadie grabbed the front of his suit and jerked it as straight as she could, considering how close she was standing. Meyer kept his arms wrapped tightly around Sadie, pulling her even closer. “If we had more time…”

“We’re going to be late,” she answered breathlessly.

“Come on,” he bent down and kissed her once more, before grabbing her hand and starting through the apartment. “The sooner we get there, the sooner we can come home.”

If I get to come home, Sadie thought. She bit her lip, but allowed Meyer to pull her through the apartment and down the stairs. He opened her car door, then ran around the front of their small back Camry like an eager little boy.

They rode to the restaurant in silence. Sadie stared out the window at the passing neighborhood then watched as the small homes grew into large business complexes. It wasn’t a far drive, but it gave Sadie ample opportunity to imagine every way this night could take a turn for the worse.

She took a deep breath as they stood outside on the sidewalk, watching the valet drive their car into the parking lot, then sliding comfortably into the crook of Meyer’s arm to walk inside. His arms didn’t feel as safe as they once had, but they still were her best bet of protection in this gathering.

As they approached the table where Mr. Resnick sat he stood and came to greet them. He was a short man, about as tall as Sadie was without her heels. He was in his mid-fifties with graying black hair and a receding hairline.

“There she is!” Mr. Resnick said brightly, smiling and holding his arms out for a hug as he approached. Meyer turned loose of his wife and stepped away to give them space. Some protection you are, Sadie thought. She tensed as Mr. Resnick threw his arms around her and pulled her into an uncomfortable bear hug. He finally stepped back and slapped her shoulder. “How are you, dear?”

“Good.” She offered a weak smile. “And you?”

“Good, good,” he answered with a broad smile. “Come, sit.”

Mr. Resnick put his arm around Sadie’s shoulders and guided her toward the table. She looked down at the expensive rings adoring his hand as she shuffled along beside him, wondering where he’d gotten them. She’d always assumed the cash came from his less-than-legal enterprise where he employed Meyer. Now she wondered if the rings had ever had previous owners.

Meyer watched as his wife silently took the seat Boss pulled out for her, offering compliments as he did. If Boss were any other man Meyer would’ve gotten jealous and intervened. As it was he knew Boss only flirted with the wives of his men to test where their true loyalties lay—with their families or with their work. He wasn’t actually going to do anything. At least he hadn’t yet. 


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Fri Jun 12, 2015 1:23 pm
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TimmyJake wrote a review...



I AM HERE

You must have figured that if you pinged me enough times, I would come to see just what you were annoying me for... and so here I am, after all this time. To be honest, I have been just lazy these past few months, so I have no excuse. ;_; Not this time. But I am here now, so I guess I'm not all bad? xd

Let's head straight into it. :3

I felt like I was being tossed about like a ship in a storm with the character's feelings in this... but not in a good way. It wasn't that I didn't like the tension in this chapter, the odd relationship between the couple, or even the characters themselves. It's something entirely different. As I read through, I felt as though one moment, they loved each other and all was well - Meyer was actually a pretty cool guy and cared about his wife, and she him. The next second, the sentence told me that he was a person I have a special name for, but can't say here - only treating her as a trophy wife to parade around and make love to. I won't say it ruined it for me, as there's not much that can ruin your writing. xD It's always been some of my favorite on YWS. But the characters didn't have any... solid feelings, either way or the other, for each other.

Let me show you what I mean through a few simple quotes.

Sadie flinched as he rested his hand on the bare patch of skin on her side that the dress revealed.


Why is she flinching? >> The one and only reason someone flinches is because they've been hit, and usually by that particular person. Does Meyer hit her? He doesn't seem to be the type to do that. But she is flinching, which is an odd reaction to her husband putting his hand on her side.

She swallowed hard.


That. Right there. It's another thing that tells me their relationship is already a bit rocky and uncertain, because really, if there was a file inside a cabinet full of pictures of people she didn't know... wouldn't she just go and ask Meyer? Since when did he become someone who might kill her, someone to fear?

then gently brushed her hair over her shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay, love?”


This tells me he's caring and gentle with her, and actually does love her.

As it was he knew Boss only flirted with the wives of his men to test where their true loyalties lay—with their families or with their work.


And that up there tells me he doesn't love her. xD Because if he did, he would admit to his true loyalties lying with her rather than the bumrag of a boss. >< In the narration, you know, telling the reader. As it is, it looks like he doesn't care about her in that one sentence. I think it's mostly how Sadie reacted to finding the envelope in the desk that turns the entire chapter and the feelings of them both upside down, and if you tuned her reaction to a more believable one, with less fear for Meyer, it would ease the bumpy ride a bit. After all, he is her husband and the man she trusts, right? No flinching, no feeling insecure - just curious and worried. Or at least that's how I think it'd be myself, seeing that she thought he had a somewhat normal job before that.

That is my only big nitpick for the chapter, and even that may go away in time - perhaps when I read the following chapters. Just now, that's how I feel about that particular side of things. :3

A few things~

She observed him as he twisted the top off of a beer and took a long drink.


He walks in. He sits in the recliner. And then the beer bottle magically appears in his hand? I think you're missing something there. ;)

that it’s been so long since our last meal that he can hardly remember what you look like.


You're missing a quotation mark on the end.

she murmured


Find a synonym for the second time she murmurs.

As they approached the table where Mr. Resnick sat he stood and came to greet them.


Comma after sat. I'm also a bit disappointed in your description of Mr. Resnick. You've always been so amazing at descriptions, but there I think you fall short. A few more sentences, pretty please? First impressions are very important, and he seems like he could be such a fun character... if you let us see more than his balding head. :p

the expensive rings adoring his hand as she shuffled


adorning

This as a beginning just rocks. Your first sentences were so perfect, and drew me into the story so well! I love how it begins with a question - right off the bat, without a moments hesitation. And why not? It sucked me into the story, and now I'm wondering the same thing as Sadie. This was a fabulous beginning, and I was curious and interested the entire time I read through, and even through the second read. Really, your writing gets better and better, and it's been so long since I've read any of yours. D: Like, easily six months. So this is the perfect thing to get me all caught up and feeling like I'm good friends once again with your writing.

Aaaaaand it looks like you're a bit more attentive to this novel than most, so I'll be there soon. :3
~Darth Timmyjake




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Wed Jun 10, 2015 7:02 pm
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Deanie wrote a review...



Hey Shady!

I know, I know, I am late! But alas, I am here and already have quite a bit of catching up to do even if this is chapter one O.o I do come bearing gifts! In your case, it is my 1500th review. I do hope you enjoy it xD

So far this novel seems pretty different to your things I have usually read because there isn't any fantasy in this. But you have hinted at a lot of things and put a lot of suggestions into Sadie's mind which does make me curious for the future chapters. And I know you have quite a few there for me to read, some of which is further than I have seen for your other novels as well! I liked Meyer's character the most and the way he has been trying to please his wife by spotting the right things and looking away from her because she seems uncomfortable in that current moment. He's pretty caring towards her, and I can appreciate that even if he might be a killer after all. Sadie I don't like too much yet, but that isn't because I dislike her - it's simply because we haven't seen anything but her thoughts about this folder yet. When we get to see more, I can start to make up my mind.

I am a little bit confused though. Sadie seems to be completely at ease with the idea of him making chemicals which may harm others and can be dangerous (hence her not wanting it in the house.) But at she doesn't like the idea of him killing people? Did she think he would only be using those chemicals only for good? What if he was using it for good and somehow misjudged something? Then would that be the same as what is happening here? In general, the mention of his original work had me confused. It was so bad she didn't want it in the house or in their life, but she seems petrified of him killing. Yes, they are two different things, but still >.<

This chapter did get a bit repetitive for me. You mentioned this folder so much. It seemed to be all Sadie could think of. Which makes sense, but at this current time it is also the first time we get to meet the character and I wanted to know more about her and less about the folder. Her thoughts solely revolved around that and her husband being a possible killer. Yes, all those things are exciting but they would be a lot more exciting if I could know and understand the people it was happening to first. When she isn't thinking about that folder all she is thinking of is him being a possible murderer.

A quickie note: it might be more effective to have any thoughts in italics so it is a bit separated from the text and avoids confusion.

One more thing that i really wanted to know was why Sadie was even looking at that folder in the first place. Something must have been done or happened for her to feel curious enough to pursue her investigations herself. What did Meyer do and how did she know where to find the folder? Those things caught my attention. I also really wanted to know why she waited until the end of the day when Meyer would surely be coming home at any second to look through the folder instead of during the day where she seemed to have all that time? I wanted her to look through it instead of dry cleaning, where would have all the time she needs to properly investigate it. I feel like she found it then just so that we could see the close shave between the two of them. But you might have her looking for it for hours and only just finding it, if she is unfair or where it was set.

The girl in the picture seemed to stare at Sadie accusingly with her vacant gaze. The girl in the photo, Alia Gibson


Personally I wasn't a fan of the repetition here, but I know some will like it. If you do choose to keep it, remember to put them both as picture or both of photo. Don't switch them up, because it gets a bit confusing.

Sadie snapped the folder shut and let out a shaky breath, fingering the front of the folder as she looked down at the battered material. A prickly feeling ran down her spine as she considered who all these people were; what they could’ve done to get their names and pictures in a folder like this. She didn’t want to think about what this folder meant.


Apologies for a big chunk! I just wanted to show you that this could have used less of the word 'folder' and more of the word 'it' instead because we all know what you are referring to!

Otherwise that is all I have to say to you. This was such a good beginning, I cannot wait to read more and see how this dinner goes. I feel like she was also called up for a reason.

Deanie x




TimmyJake says...


I'm always behind you just a day. xD
Congrats on 1500 reviews. :)



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Sun May 31, 2015 5:44 am
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Picklesole wrote a review...



Hey ShadowVyper! Your story is very intriguing, I like it a lot so far. As far as the title goes, I'm assuming that it has something to do with the folder that Sadie found in the beginning, and that the significance of that folder will eventually be revealed, as well as the significance of the title.

Overall, I thought that the characters were very believable, which helped to make the storyline something I could believe in as well. However, there were some jumps made that I think made the story less realistic. For example, the reader in the beginning has no reason to correlate the folder of photographs with an assassin job until Sadie essentially tells the reader that that is how they should be thinking about it. By not letting the reader come to that conclusion on their own, not only does the story seem a little less believable, but it makes Sadie's legitimate fear look like a shade of paranoia, which is definitely not good, because the reader should be feeling the same tension and vulnerability that she is. One way you could do this is adding more detail of the folder itself- maybe some photographs have an 'X' on them or there are missing photographs, or start the story when she's looking for the folder, or maybe when she turns on the TV it's the news, and it shows a missing person alert, who happens to be someone in the folder, etc. Really anything works that will not only let Sadie go through the process of figuring out what the folder means but let the reader decide that Meyer owning that folder is a really scary/bad thing.

By the way, the shift in POVs to and from Sadie and Meyer were GREAT, they were very subtle and natural. :)

Some specific edits/suggestions:

In the first three sentences, you write "The girl in the picture," "the girl in the photo" and "the photograph." Although they are technically different phrases, it still sounds very repetitive when being read through. This can be easily fixed by simple consolidation of words (e.g. replacing "the girl...photo" with "She" and moving her actual name right after "had her name").

Also, by the way you wrote the last two sentences in that same paragraph, it seemed that you were equating "where she frequented" with "high priority." Maybe I just don't know all the possible definitions and uses of the word frequented, but it seems a little confusing. Maybe writing "ranked" instead would make it clearer for everyone.

Last thing about the first paragraph. Alia is described as having an "average height," but the next two examples are given specific heights, so I would recommend matching that format with everyone.

She’d forbidden him bringing it into their home even before they were married.


Change this to "She had forbidden him from bringing..."

I understand that the dialogue is probably slow moving on purpose to show the awkwardness of the situation, but I think that could be conveyed better without them repeating "Yeah" and "Yep" and "Alright." Dialogue is meant to do only two things: 1) characterization and 2) moving the plot along. Book dialogue is not supposed to accurately reflect real conversations, because most people's conversations are like 80% useless, and that bores a reader. So instead of having the repeated yeps and other nonessential dialogue, you could add more characterization. The kitchen/fridge part is a good example of that already present in your dialogue. So just add more characterization, but in a way that shows that the conversation is very awkward because Sadie doesn't want to be there and Meyer is cautious and confused.

Like I said earlier, your story is very intriguing and I am definitely going to read the next chapters to see what happens next!

I hope my review was helpful! If you want anymore feedback, just ask. :)

-Picklesole




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Sat May 23, 2015 1:52 pm
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comrie wrote a review...



Hi ShadowVyper, I thought I'd review this.

I really like the title. I wonder how it ties into the story. Right now I'm not sure but maybe I missed it. Or it'll tie in in later chapters. Not a nitpick; just a wondering :) I like your writing style a lot. It's pleasant and very easy to read. I think you did very well with the "show don't tell" business. A good balance between dialogue and description.

I was confused about a certain thing throughout the chapter, and it started when Sadie was looking through the folder. After reading the folder, how did Sadie know for sure that all of those people were victims of her husband? When I was reading it, I didn't know what the photos meant, and I assumed Sadie would be unsure as well, but she automatically knew they were murder victims by her husband. Of course a folder with photos of random people doesn't seem normal in the first place, but assuming they're dead folks right off the bat just seems strange to me. What if instead of her husband being a murderer, he's a stalker? I mean there's nothing that says for sure, "This guy killed these people." Maybe if Sadie had some further evidence it would help. I see it says stuff like "low priority" and such, but that didn't personally help me arrive to the same conclusion as Sadie did. Maybe if there was a giant X over their face? For those already killed, I mean. Or a stamp that says "Terminated" under their name or even over their face. Something more than photos.

I don't know. I just felt like there was no "how" to her conclusion. I don't know how she arrived there. Because now it just makes me think Sadie's always been a suspicious person. Especially of her husband. I think normally people would try to exhaust different reasons. "Maybe this is why, maybe that's why." And then SOMETHING comes along to confirm one of her assumptions (or even one that didn't come to mind, one she didn't want to admit), and then boom. Not just "read folder, boom." (And with no explanation for said boom.) Does this all make sense? I'm not sure if it does. If you need more clarification, let me know. Maybe I'm missing something here and that's why I'm confused. If that's so, let me know about that!

I think that's the only thing I have to say about the story generally. Let's now go through the itsy bitsy stuff:

“Hey, Sades,” Meyer’s gruff voice came from behind her as he walked in and shut the door.

She looked up as casually as she could, forcing a smile onto her face. “Hey, Babe.”

“What’d you do today?”

“Not much,” she said. She shrugged, being careful to keep her breathing steady. Meyer sat down in the old, fading recliner to her left. She observed him as he twisted the top off of a beer and took a long drink.


Just where did this beer come from? He came in and sat already drinking a beer. Did he have one in his hand as he came in? Or did he make a quick trip to the kitchen or wherever else the beer would be stored?

“Same as always,” he answered with a shrug, taking a long draught of his beer. “Sold some crops; did a bit of science.”


I don't think draught is an appropriate word for what you're trying to say. Which is that he's taking a long sip or swallow, right? Draught is just a container for a drink. There's also something called draught beer. Maybe that's what you're trying to tell us, that he's drinking a draught beer? I felt confused about that.

“Are you hungry? I can fix something,” Said offered, desperate for an escape.


Just a misspelling here. You mean "Sadie offered" instead of "Said offered," right?

“Come on,” he bent down and kissed her once more, before grabbing her hand and starting through the apartment. “The sooner we get there, the sooner we can come home.”


Replace the comma after "on" with a period. Also, capitalize the "h" in "he."


And I think that's it for nitpicks. I wonder how this dinner will go down. This Mr. Resnick seems like a pleasant enough man, at least through what I'm seeing as the reader. I just hope Sadie stays safe. As I said earlier, I like your writing. I felt Sadie's fears just as she did. I think you did an excellent job there. Also, with Meyer. Even though I knew why Sadie was acting weird, I felt like I knew what Meyer was feeling too. That uncertainty and confusion. Yes, yes, I felt it all and I loved that.

I'm excited to see where you take this next. :) What's Sadie going to do if things go down here or even in another scene? How will Meyer react? The anticipation is killing me! I cannot wait until the next chapter. Tag me when you post next? I hope this review's been helpful!

-comrie





One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World