z

Young Writers Society



Color Photographs, Chapter Four

by Shady


Meyer walked to the door as Karson hid in the bedroom. In the hallway Mr. Resnick had his hand clamped firmly on Sadie’s shoulder, making the slight trembling in her arms nearly imperceptible. Meyer noticed. Sadie looked like a scared little girl who’d been hauled to her parent’s doorstep by a police officer after she’d been caught doing something naughty. She stared at the tip of Meyer’s shoe, waiting for Resnick to speak.

“I saw your wife walking. I gave her a ride,” Mr. Resnick explained with a charming grin.

“What happened to your eye?” Meyer asked, looking at the ugly bruise forming around her eye.

“I don’t remember,” she murmured, never looking up from his shoes.

“She got into a bit of trouble,” Mr. Resnick offered. “When I pulled up three or four guys ran off. I think they might’ve drugged her. She doesn’t seem to be herself tonight.”

“Oh, dear,” Meyer said. He was careful to control his tone, focusing his gaze mostly on his wife’s face. He was afraid he’d shoot Resnick if he looked at him for too long. “Are you okay, sweetheart?”

She hesitated a moment. Meyer saw Resnick’s grip tighten on her shoulder momentarily, prompting her to speak. She still didn’t look up. “Yes.”

A pang of anger ran through Meyer. My wife’s not your puppet, he thought. He reached out his arm to take Sadie away from Mr. Resnick. She quickly stepped forward, flinching slightly as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“She probably shouldn’t talk much tonight,” Mr. Resnick said. “Poor dear’s been through a lot. She should sleep as soon as she can.”

“Thanks,” Meyer answered with a nod. He pulled Sadie close to himself and was glad to feel her wrap her arm around his waist. He stepped back into the apartment and shut the door, locking it as soon as it closed. As soon as they were alone she threw both her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry… I’m… so sorry… sorry…”

“Don’t be, Sades.” He hugged her tightly, stroking her hair down. “I’m sorry, too.”

“No.” She shook her head, still clinging to him. “You don’t understand. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to. I shouldn’t have left. I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” Meyer asked. Sadie was silent for a moment. “You don’t have to answer until you’re ready, Sades, it’ll just help me figure out what to do.”

“I was in a bad part of town…”

“Yeah, I saw that in the text.”

“And… I was walking…” She took a deep breath and slowly released her grasp, stepping away from Meyer slightly. “And then Resnick… and the big oaf… and Karson with his stupid gun… and I got in the car because I was scared.”

“Whoa, now, Karson pointed a gun at you?” Meyer questioned as he gently guided his wife toward the couch.

“Yeah,” she sniffed, sitting down.

“I can explain—” Karson stepped out of the bedroom. Meyer started toward him angrily, not letting him finish his sentence before hitting him in the face so hard he stumbled into the doorframe. Meyer grabbed his shirt, slamming him into the wall and cursing at him.

“You were involved,” Meyer spat. “You let me believe it was just—”

“Just listen to me—”

“I’ll kill you—”

“It wasn’t my fault, I—”

“Stop it!” Sadie screamed. Both men instantly fell silent as they looked toward where she sat rocking on the couch, tears streaming freely down her face. “Stop it. I’m tired of the…anger… and the… fighting. I just want it to be over. Stop.”

Meyer released Karson. “Get out of my house.”

“He didn’t do it,” Sadie said, her voice barely above a whisper. “He was just trying to save himself. He got beat up worse than I did trying to stop Resnick.”

Meyer hesitated, then lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug, silently revoking his order for Karson to leave. Sadie lifted her feet onto the edge of the couch, hugging her knees close to her chest. Meyer walked over to her and sat down on the couch beside her.

She flinched, pulling away slightly as he stroked a strand of hair out of her face. He stopped, pulling his hand away. She opened her eyes, full of hurt, and looked at Meyer. “Sorry. Go ahead.”

“No,” Meyer said. “You’re the only one who’s been hurt tonight. If you don’t want me to touch you, I won’t.”

Sadie’s lip trembled for a moment, before she leaned into his chest and closed her eyes. I really don’t deserve him, Sadie thought. Meyer gently wrapped his arm around his wife, being careful of where he put his hands. He didn’t want to remind her of whatever Resnick did to her—he was there to comfort her, not get his own pleasures. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Meyer murmured. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

“You could’ve if I would’ve stayed home.” Sadie grabbed the front of his shirt. “It’s my fault.”

“No,” Meyer said firmly. “This was not—is not—your fault. You were the victim. None of this was your fault, do you hear me? I’m sorry you had to go through this, and I’m going to try to make it as right as it can be, but whatever happens it is not your fault, Sades.”

Sadie sniffed, but nodded her head against his chest. “Karson’s here.”

Meyer looked up at where his friend shifted awkwardly in his chair, seeming to want to be far away from this intimate exchange. Meyer nodded. He would comfort his wife once they were alone. “He’s going to help.”

Sadie nodded.

“We need you to tell us what happened after Karson got out of the car, though.”

Sadie shook her head.

“Hon…it’s important,” Meyer coaxed.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“It wasn’t,” he agreed.

“And… I didn’t mean to.”

“Didn’t mean to what?” Meyer asked gently.

“He made me,” Sadie said. She buried her face in Meyer’s chest again. “I told him I was married, but he shot something into my arm. I couldn’t fight. He just…”

“Your arm?”

Sadie miserably held up her left arm, where there was still a small trail of dried blood that’d dribbled from her vein when he stuck a needle in it. She had no idea what was in the needle, but almost instantly her body seemed to lose its strength, leaving her defenseless as Mr. Resnick took his pleasure.

“He kissed me in bad places, Mey,” she murmured into his shirt. “And he touched me. And then he… do I really have to say it? I think you know.”

“No, babe,” Meyer said. He stroked her hair. “I get the idea. You don’t have to say it.”

“Don’t tell him I told you,” Sadie said, her voice suddenly filled with desperation. She lifted her head, pleading. “He said he’d kill you. Mey, don’t tell him. I’m sorry. I had to tell you. I didn’t want you to be in danger, but I’m upset, so I told you, but…”

“Sades, it’s fine,” Meyer said, pulling her closer. She fell limp against his chest once more. “I promise. I’m glad you told me. I don’t want you keeping secrets from me. I’d rather know.”

Karson cleared his throat. “I’d told him anyways, Sadie. I’m the one Resnick would be mad at, not you or Meyer.”

Sadie opened an eye to look at him, then closed it again. All of the fear from earlier was gone, leaving her suddenly very exhausted. She was trying hard to forget everything that’d happened that night, including her fight with Meyer, but the events seemed to be on a never-ending circuit playing through her mind, leaving her sniveling like a child. “I feel like a wimp.”

“You’ve been through a lot,” Meyer said. “It’s natural for you to be upset.”

Sadie took a shaky breath. “I just want today to be over.”

“Then why don’t we try to go to bed?”

Sadie tensed. She wasn’t sure what Meyer meant. She didn’t figure he’d want to have any fun with her tonight, but she wasn’t sure. She didn’t think she could be a good wife for her husband. Not tonight. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Sleep,” Meyer said. “Nothing more. And I’ll wake you if you have a bad dream.”

“I love you,” Sadie said. She hugged him tightly once more, then slowly stood up. Meyer lifted her in his arms and carefully walked into the bedroom. He set her on the edge of the bed, then waited to see what she wanted. She gestured for him to lie down. “I know you want to talk with Karson,” she murmured nearly silently. “But stay with me ‘til I fall asleep?”

“Of course.” He laid down and pulled her into his arms. The two laid together for several long minutes, Meyer murmuring sweet nothings into Sadie’s ear until she finally drifted off into a fitful sleep. After he was sure she was asleep he carefully stood up, then walked back into the living room where Karson still sat in a recliner.

“Is she asleep?” Karson asked, standing to meet Meyer. He seemed uncertain whether Meyer would answer his question or resume their fight from earlier, now that Sadie was probably sleeping. Karson was well aware that the only thing that’d saved him earlier was Sadie being upset by Meyer hitting him. It was hard to say what Meyer planned to do now.

“Yes,” Meyer said tiredly. He sat down on the couch and looked at his friend. He didn’t know what to think or what to feel. He wished he would’ve been concerned about his wife leaving him much sooner than he’d texted her. If he only would’ve left their apartment a little sooner he could’ve gotten to Sadie before Resnick did, and then his wife wouldn’t have had to go through her night of hell.

Meyer saw a bruise beginning to form on Karson’s jawline, and felt a pang of guilt for hitting him before he’d heard the whole story. He figured Karson probably had to take the brunt of the anger Mr. Resnick had uncovered, which he didn’t deserve. Still, he’d helped get his wife in the car to begin with, which meant he’d played as big of part as Meyer had himself. “You deserved it.”

“I did,” Karson agreed, rubbing his chin. “It cleared up some of the guilt.”

“I guess I didn’t have to hit you so hard, though.”

“It’s alright,” Karson said, accepting his half-hearted apology. “You were justified, with no more information than you had.”

Meyer nodded, wanting to be through with the apology. He didn’t like emotions. He and Karson were cool once more, and that’s all that mattered. He figured he’d need an ally, if he was going to take down the entirety of Resnick enterprises. “Alright. How committed are you?”

“I’ll go where you lead.”

“You sure about that?” Meyer lifted an eyebrow as he put a cigarette between his lips and lit it. “‘Cause I’m planning on storming his castle, knocking Resnick off his high horse, and taking down his forces as I go. This town ain’t gonna be my home no more, after I make my move. You sure you want that?”

Karson leaned forward slightly, his eyes glinting with a steely determination. Meyer’s fist had cleared up some of the guilt, but he still wanted vengeance for Sadie. She’d been like a little sister to him for many years. Resnick wasn’t going to walk all over baby sis and get away with it. “I’ve always wanted to travel.” 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1634 Reviews


Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634

Donate
Wed Jul 29, 2015 3:47 pm
View Likes
Deanie wrote a review...



Hi Shady!

I know, I know, I am so slow at reviewing this! But I am going to get through all these chapters, just watch me :) And once I am invested in a novel, I very much do stick with it. For this chapter I have to say I am so angry at what Resnick has done to her. It's not alright to do that to any woman, and I think you did a pretty good job of portraying Sadie's emotions and feelings after such a thing happening. I mean, I am not sure how people would react but I think you made all the right choices, and I like how supportive of a husband Meyer has been since then. I can understand why he is angry as well, and I think that him bringing down all of Resnick's fortress and business is interesting. I like the sound of it and approve a lot. Now I just can't wait to see how they go around doing such a thing :D

Let's start with the nitpicks to mix things up from the usual?

he gently guided his wife toward the couch.
“Yeah,” she sniffed, sitting down.
“I can explain—” Karson stepped out of the bedroom. Meyer started toward him angrily,


I feel like we get the transitions between his emotions far too quickly. He's gently guiding his wife even if he is hearing the words. It's only until he sees Karson that he just starts to get angry. I feel like if you mention the building anger before it would be more realistic. Mention that he has to grit his teeth and focus to keep the hand that steadily guides Sadie to the sofa soft and gentle as the anger rears up inside him or something. That way we get to see his emotions steadily change, which is better than the sudden jump.

much sooner than he’d texted her. If he only would’ve left their apartment a little sooner


We have a pretty close repetition of the word 'sooner'. I think you can find a way to avoid that.

Meyer nodded, wanting to be through with the apology. He didn’t like emotions.


I think it is a bit stereotypical and general to go and say he doesn't like emotions? I mean, he loves his wife and has no problem demonstrating that in all sorts of ways, and that is an emotion too, I think. Maybe just say he didn't like apologies or being at rough ends with friends, or maybe he just didn't like the sappy kind of moments when they were between anyone but him and Sadie. Just be a bit more specific because the generalisation is a bit too broad here.

Time to get down to the real kind of stuff!

I was pretty impressed that Sadie wasn't surprised in the slightest to see Karson was there. Yes, she did see him get beat up trying to stop Resnick, but it doesn't mean that his next move would be to go and tell Meyer straight away. I can imagine she does appreciate that, but I expected her to be a bit surprised or maybe make a remark about it or something.

I can't exactly put my finger on the reasoning why, but the characters are still feeling two dimensional to me. Not Sadie - she seems to be the most realistic and the character I can relate to the most so far. But when it comes to Meyer and Karson, I can't really see it at all. So far we only know him in relation to Sadie's life and their business, and not much else. I feel like they still have to come alive. We still need to know what makes these characters themselves cut away from their job or woman, and we need to get to know them deeper. I can't exactly tell you how to do that, but I feel like those two characters might need a bit more work to make the reader really get immersed in the story with them.

Karson very quickly makes the decision that he wants to join in with Meyer's scheming. But I couldn't help but wonder if he has his own woman, or maybe even family or just someone who might be in danger if he decides to embark on such a mission as he just agreed to. When the question was posed I expected him to hesitate, take the time to think about it, and say 'how do I keep..."whoever he has to care about" safe?'. I also think it would work towards letting us know more about his character as I mentioned above, so that we can get to know a bit more about his personal life and what/who he cares about.

That's all I really have to say! It was definitely an emotional chapter and it has the promise of a large mission and a lot of action and scheming ahead of it as well. Looking forward to finding out how the two of them intend on taking down Resnick and all his business.

Deanie x




User avatar
104 Reviews


Points: 4429
Reviews: 104

Donate
Wed Jun 24, 2015 11:07 am
View Likes
comrie wrote a review...



Heyyyyy

I'm back and I'm ready for some reviewing! Thank you so much for tagging me! I read this once yesterday and did so again today before writing this. So here goes!

Can I just say that I hate Resnick with a fiery passion like no other? He's sick. Sick. I can't believe he did those things to her, and for what? To prove a point? To shame her? There's no reason for it. None and -- Meyer, seriously, let me in on your plan to get back at Resnick...

I hate that he broke her down like that. I hate to see her blaming herself for what that creep did. I'm glad Meyer is getting the chance to get Resnick back for Sadie though. I loved him this entire chapter (Meyer, not Resnick). He was so calm and so attending to Sadie, which was exactly what Sadie needed from him. I wish he didn't go throwing a punch at Karson but I don't blame him for being impulsive like that.

Most of the nitpicks have been pointed out already but I have just a tiny one:

Sadie miserably held up her left arm, where there was still a small trail of dried blood that’d dribbled from her vein when he stuck a needle in it.


It says he, and we don't know who he is. I mean obviously he is Resnick, but keep in mind Sadie's talking to Meyer, and Karson is also in the room. Two guys. I know, this is so specific and tiny (and it very well may be a personal thing) but it doesn't hurt to clarify. :> Just throw in Resnick's name there.

And that's it. Here your writing is very straightforward and easy to follow. Awesome. Lots of emotions here, I couldn't help feeling a couple of them myself. Love the style, and the characters are being shaped nicely. I just hope Resnick gets put down once and for all. Hopefully I won't have to wait to long for that since the other chapters are (YAY) already posted. Onto the next!

-comrie




User avatar
1007 Reviews


Points: 13831
Reviews: 1007

Donate
Wed Jun 17, 2015 1:35 pm
View Likes
TimmyJake wrote a review...



Here again. c:

Basically this whole chapter was so mean. >< I mean, yeah, we already could guess what Resnick was going to do to Sadie, but man, he's not a nice feller. Definitely not someone I'd put on my Christmas Card list. xd I love Sadie so much as a character, and now it hurts to see what happened to her here. :( Of course it does show how much Meyer truly cares for her. His tenderness and level of affection in this chapter showed how much he loved her, and I think he's a wonderful person now - regardless of what he does for a living. You have amazing characters.

The only thing I can do to justify leaving this as a review is to go through and find nitpicky spots I have slight issues with. This chapter is just so perfect. Gosh, can't you leave me with something to work with? :p

In the hallway Mr. Resnick had his hand clamped firmly on Sadie’s shoulder


Comma after hallway

What happened to your eye?”


The previous sentence is Resnick telling Meyer about Sadie, so it'd make more sense if this first bit of dialogue was addressed to him rather than Sadie. Sounds like he's ignoring Resnick, and as he's his boss and the guy he wants to kill, I'd think he would have Meyer's full attention. xd

never looking up


You have too many looked in this chapter. Find synonyms.

“When I pulled up three or four guys ran off.


Comma after up

“I’m sorry. I love you.”


This part reads the first time as Meyer saying it, because the preceding sentences were all from his point of view. If you're going to keep it attached to that paragraph, which I wouldn't recommend as that's what makes it seem like its coming from him, then I would either bring it to the front of the paragraph or put a tagline on the end.

“Hon…it’s important,” Meyer coaxed


The way you use the ellipsis isn't consistent. In this, you use it incorrectly, sandwiching the two words together without any spaces after the first word. A few lines down, you do use it correctly. Remember: if you forget the space, you're basically putting the two words together as one - which is vewwy vewwy evull. Remember that space. :3

she murmured nearly silently.


Ooooh, someone is getting fancy with the adverbs, placing two right after each other like that. BAD GURL. That's not the nitpick, though - although you don't need them, as murmured does an amazing job. Anyway. Murmured is redundant. You use it far too often as a dialogue tagline. Again, look up synonyms. They're amazing. ;)

The two laid


Laid was sentence before, too.

If he only would’ve left their apartment a little sooner he could’ve gotten to Sadie


Comma after sooner

He didn’t like emotions


REALLY. He just spent the last ten minutes plus being super, super emotional with Sadie and having no problem with it, and now he's saying that? Seems like it'd have come up earlier in the chapter. Perhaps you need to pare it down to a certain kind of emotion? Because he seems to be pretty good at handling other's emotions, and he also has and feels them quite a bit - especially when around Sadie, of course.

YAY. They're going after Resnick. D: This is going to be incredible, and so much fun to follow along with. I can't wait to read the next chapters now, because I knows there's going to be a lot of buttkicking involved. And man is that fun, especially when you're writing it. You're always so good at action scenes. :3

Onto the next! My apologies for the shabby review.
~Darth Timmyjake




User avatar
28 Reviews


Points: 1676
Reviews: 28

Donate
Sun May 31, 2015 10:51 am
View Likes
Deleted4 wrote a review...



Hi ShadowVyper,

Wow, again! You've continued this story with just as much flare and raw intensity as before. Thank you again for the notice when you posted these pieces...and three chapters all together aswell! *yay!*

Again, I loved this chapter, in fact I think this is the best so far. You're dialogue, which is always quite prominent in your chapters, shone through again as, I think, you're writing's strongest aspect. With the simplest of gestures and wording you can portray an array of emotions, which is just one of the things I love about your work!
I think this really came across in Sadie's conversation with her husband in this scene, it really makes me feel closer to the characters, makeing it easier to identify with them, even if it is only on the most basic level.

Please, as I've said again and again, keep on writing this brilliant story, I look forward to hearing more and more!

Moving on to chapter 5.....

-theb00kthi3f




User avatar
624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

Donate
Sun May 31, 2015 9:19 am
View Likes
Casanova wrote a review...



Okay, well, this is really good. I mean, extremely, very, good. A good action/drama novel if I've ever seen one. I do have some thoughts, though. Nothing bad, though!
1)I really want to read more. You left me at a hangar, and I'd rather not be left hanging!
2)I did notice that their was a lot of dialogue, and I liked that. I mean, a lot of books has a lot of action, a lot of thoughts, but I like it when you describe information through voice and dialogue. In my opinion, it makes it more interesting.
3)When you can continue posting. I know I missed some of here, but I really wish for you to continue. You are truelly talented, and I would really wish to read and learn more.
In conclusion this is a really, really, really, really(etc) good novel, and I would wish to see more. You've really got a knack for this, and I am going to keep my eye out for more of your stuff, because I really like this, and you need to keep writing, need to keep pushing, need to keep going until you get to do the best that you can!
Sincerely,
Ryu(Southbound) Cevenost.





"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."
— Bishop Desmond Tutu