Young Writers Society



Heat Absorption Lab

by Seirre



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Fri Dec 17, 2021 5:09 pm
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starlitmind says...



NOOO THIS POEM ARE YOU KIDDING I FORGOT THIS EXISTED!!!! asjkdfl this was and still is a masterpiece




Seirre says...


ASDLKFDJSFSDF you're so kind, thank you :')



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Tue Jan 19, 2021 4:22 am
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lliyah wrote a review...



I love this idea with my entire heart. Reminds me of a sciency graph poem fortis did that I've always admired.

Okay so on to the VERY LATE review!! :)


Form
The variety of different aspects of notating makes this poem feel so layered! I like the idea that it can be read in multiple layers and voices. And because it's all one science report it certainly feels united and continuous too. The piece is creative and I think it's very read-able too, which is sometimes hard with alternative forms! The only part I thought was pretty tricky to read was "write your conclusions about how colours absorb light here" but it was kind of ironic that that line was hard to read given what it said. I think I'd move it up a bit though so it doesn't overlap the other text even if it needs to be light.

That being said, one negative aspect is that with so many words it gets hard to pick out what's most important and I'm not sure where the poem builds to.

I think you could highlight whatever you want the main message to be with a more direct title, or by really off-setting some of the formatting where the main message is coming across -- I think maybe the red writing was doing this? but I almost wanted it to be more direct somewhere there? There's also a bit of wordage that seemed a little extraneous (ie. "frisky nitrogen atoms" & "the page didn't ask you to touch it" are interesting notes, but I'm not sure what it adds to the overall character and message). The brown section I also had a hard time understanding how it linked in.

I think the strongest section was the ending where the formatting gets a little chaotic, but the teacher takes on this really affirming voice and also gets really poetic in some of those longer chunks.

Message
This piece actually feels like a lot of pressure to interpret since it is really well done, and yet the layers make it a bit tricky to decipher one firm meaning from the poem. But I think given that the poem naturally has different voices (the teacher, lab-report form, and the student) I think it's okay that the interpretation layers could be different too!

At times I got a bit confused on who the teacher and student were. I especially had trouble with the type-writer text and couldn't really figure out what the type reader text was coming from. I think the scrawling text was meant to be the teacher, though they weren't very conventional in their directions and seemed to be self-critical of the form that they had given. This creates a strange cycle of second guessing that was interesting to read through.

I think one of the main messages seemed to be self-doubt or maybe doubt of formal expectations. It felt like the teacher was doing a lot of second guessing through the piece, and as I mentioned that created quite an interesting voice.

I think the "10 x 10 = 100 ... the perfect number, to base your self-worth" - is a nice tie in to the pressure of assignments; and fitting into perfection / expectations versus breaking through the limiting bounds of experiments and different people's standards.

Another theme seemed to be the concept of absorption that the atmosphere, paper, colors, people take in what they are given - > and then the implicit moral would be to be careful what you give out. The bottom two chunks with the floral bulb notes seemed to go with that theme a lot. I love the image of "amaryllis bulbs within your ribcage" AHHH that's so pretty and a great metaphor for the hidden potential in all of us!

At one point the poem says "Concepts explored: absorption, reflection, solar radiation" and I wonder if these were the three directions or themes of the poem? Reflection could be the brooding / critical / self-reflection voice, absorption could be the concept I was noting above, and then radiation is a bit harder to understand but I guess it's what we produce and the idea of potential energy and production? Relating to this theme would be lines like this one: "if the atmosphere isn't receptive to your warmth then that's its loss" <- that's another wonderfully written line !! :)

Suggestions

A few wording suggestions here and there ~

in the "brown section" (left aligned) you use "brown is like chocolate" as a descriptor twice, and I'd cut one of them so it's not repetitive.

I think the most poetic bits were the off-hand note that just said, "restrictive expectations" to correct "criteria" I just love the re-write there and the change in meaning from neutral-criteria to critical - restrictive expectations; and it puts a conflict in the poem right away, that the speaker is fighting against these expectations placed on them (which actually seems really odd that the teacher is writing that, when they're the one that put in the expectations?)

I think my main qualm with the poem is I'm having a hard time understanding exactly why the teacher is so critical of the whole lab-report method if they assigned it? I think it'd be interesting to have a little bit more character building maybe in the first note you put in the "dear student" section to help us understand that a bit better.

Another little suggestion, is you might consider using a bit more "i" voice in the piece. The poem feels very very brooding and internally reflective, but in not always a very concrete way -> the reflections are really interesting, but because it leans a bit philosophical rather than practical or concrete, I think adding some more "i" voice would help build in the connection a bit more. (Though I wonder if that was maybe purposeful to draw more attention to the sciencey external aspects of the poem)?

Right now I think areas for possible improvement would be:

* do you have three main messages going on, or one continuous message?

* how do you keep the speaker and the speaker's motivation a bit clearer, especially the second-guessing motif?

* are there areas where some of the extraneous commentary may be distracting rather than adding to the main message?

Overall this poem is really incredible conceptually, and you've got some really wonderful poetic phrasings in there too!

I'd love to see you try this type of form again!

Please let me know if you had any questions about this review! And sorry that it took me half a million years to do! :)

Image




Seirre says...


Aaah oh my goodness thank you for the incredible review alliyah! I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get any constructive criticism on this, but I should've known you'd give me some <3

I especially had trouble with the type-writer text and couldn't really figure out what the type reader text was coming from.
Ah yeah haha I have a tendency to get carried away with fonts...I was thinking it was a TA, but that's certainly not the clearest and might just cause more confusion than anything!

I think my main qualm with the poem is I'm having a hard time understanding exactly why the teacher is so critical of the whole lab-report method if they assigned it?
Honestly when I started writing it, I didn't intend for the scrawled notes to be the teacher who assigned it, but instead just a mentor; but it kind of evolved to be teacher. Maybe if I set the beginning up as "dear friend" or something, that would change the whole context of the poem? and might make it more logical.

do you have three main messages going on, or one continuous message?
I actually started out the poem intending a different conclusion than the one I ended up with, so I think that's why the thoughts aren't all the most focused / connected. I definitely agree that making the main message more obvious, or outlining three sub-messages more clearly, would help!

are there areas where some of the extraneous commentary may be distracting rather than adding to the main message?
This is a good point! I think I got a bit carried away and just started inserting rambly-bits where it struck my fancy, but revising and streamlining the whole poem would make it a lot stronger.

Thank you again for the wonderful review! This poem was honestly one big poetic experiment pun not intended haha, so I'm not entirely sure how much I'll actually edit it, but I'm definitely hoping to try something like this again - and when I do, I'll certainly apply all of your wonderful advice and suggestions :D



lliyah says...


Ah this was definitely an experiment in the best way though! Because it burst open poetic expectations and kinda made me want to write a science-report poem too even though I haven't done a science report in YEARS xD it's a great form! And that definitely makes sense that there were two teacher / TA voices originally, something near the beginning to straighten those out would change the reading quite a bit. :) Glad these reviews were helpful, and really looking forward to your next poem experimentation!



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Fri Dec 18, 2020 5:17 pm
DreamyAlice says...



Alice is stunned as well as confused about this poem .I really don't know what to write you have done a very hard job in writing this. Its really amazing. Keep writing this type of unique and weird works.
IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL AND UNIQUE.
I am not a very good reviewer but this is a masterpiece.


You
are
AMAZING
Bye! >3




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Fri Dec 18, 2020 6:38 am
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Euphory wrote a review...



Oh.
My.
God.
This poem blew my mind.
HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO CREATE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL- OSMWOSJEOENEIJDNEJE OHMYGOSHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AFTER READING THIS AND STAR'S REVIEW, MY BRAIN IS JUST EXPLODING WITH THE REALIZATION OF HOW WONDERFULLY CRAFTED THIS IS.
Seriously, the hugest hats off to you for pulling this off, how this is so meticulously worded, all the details that have been hidden, but most importantly, the heartbreakingly beautiful message this poem conveys, easily makes this piece one of the best things I've stumbled on to in this site. Lots of well wishes to you, I hope you go a long, long way <3




Seirre says...


Aw thank you so much Euphoria <33



Euphory says...


No problem at all, whatcha <33



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Thu Dec 17, 2020 9:11 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



whatcha <3

I've been eyeing this for awhile, and I finally decided to give a go at reviewing this. I have no clue how this is going to go xD but I'd still like to try! also, I didn't proofread this, so excuse any spelling errors cx

Okay so first off, this is what-the-heck-awesome. If I remember correctly, you were designing this lab in a pad once, and I asked you about it? I think what's cool about that is you didn't set out to make a lab to turn it into poetry - you found poetry in something totally random, and I seriously admire that about you! This is an absolute masterpiece and omgg, it makes me so happy whenever I read it. I think I'm going to start with my overall interpretation of the piece and then talk about specific sections c:

I, of course, have no idea the interpretation you had in mind when you wrote this, but I understood this piece as the "restrictive expectations" that society places on individuals. It's constantly trying to "contort" people into the way it likes it because it doesn't want you to "relax back into your natural position" - that's not the way society likes you, and therefore they'll even go as far as "taping you back into place" so you are their version of perfect. The "graph paper and a pencil" additional comments further supported my thought; by saying "each line must be precise, straight, and parallel + and perpendicular with the rest" it seems as if you're saying that each person (line) has to be exactly the way everyone else wants them to be. The "with the rest" part makes it seem like each person has to match up with every other person in society. You have to line up with everyone else and be precisely the way they want you to be.

And the grey cursive text is the teacher/professor, right? So what I got from this is that the student has been overcome by expectations society has put on them and is going to let those expectations rule their live. But the professor is like "hey, no, you don't have to live by their rules. you're perfect just the way you are." and stuff like that, which I'd like to save my thoughts for when I get into specific sections :p OKAY so I hope my overall interpretation wasn't too far off from what you had in mind xD but even if it is, I guess that's the beauty of poetry ^^ on to some sections! c: so for the first part, I'm going to go Roman numeral by Roman numeral under "materials" and "additional comments."

i. a sunny day


Okay so this part is an example of what led me to the professor interpretation

the type where light and warmth bounce in waves and rays through the air - uncontainable


I interpreted this part as, you don't need to stay contained in one tiny box and be limited to what others want you to do. You can "bounce" freely, do whatever you want, live your life the way you want it, because you are "uncontainable" - there is no box that you are supposed to stay in. And even if society placed limits on what you can and cannot do/gave you a box to stay in, you don't have to stay in there at all. Because you are uncontainable. And you also mentioned "light" and "warmth," and I think there's a certain comfortableness you feel when you are not afraid to be yourself, and thus you've found the light that couldn't have been found in your little box.

ii. five sheets of construction paper; white, red, green, blue, and black
because the tangle of colour must be controlled and unraveled into something sleek and tangible and comprehensible


Okay so this to me is the professor reflecting on those expectations that are placed on everyone. The colours represent the person, perhaps the student in this case, and their personality and all of the things that make them, them. But everyone else is like "hey, you don't look the way we look like. we are just made of one colour, and you over here are made up of all sorts of shades and colours. this isn't acceptable." And then they'll proceed to untangle the beautiful mess that makes you up and "unravel it into something sleek and tangible and comprehensible" - shape you into something that would make you look like everyone else. Composed, understandable, and not different from everyone else - their definition of "normal." Ooh also, the "comprehensible" part brings me to this thought; "if we can't understand you, then there's something wrong with you. we hate what we can't understand, so we're going to mold you into something that everyone will be able to understand so you won't be causing any problems."

iii. tape


Tape to me represents limits. Maybe it's the modern world's "foot binding." It seems like, this tape is going to restrict what you can and cannot do. Like literally applying to tape to someone to restrict their movements, and therefore, they won't be able to do anything of real value or importance, or what other people deem "not normal." Or perhaps you're not actually taping someone - my other thought was that "caution tape" at a crime scene sort of thing, or a construction spot. For the trim scene interpretation, I thought maybe it's saying "watch out everybody, this person is a weirdo. don't go near them, that's dangerous." Or if it's at a construction zone, it's like "this person is still undergoing their transformation into the perfect person. please don't go past the tape because they may be unstable or dangerous since they haven't finished their metamorphosis into our standards." Hopefully that makes some sort of sense? xD

If the page cannot stay how you've shaped contorted it, don't let it relax back into its natural position; tape the fibers into place


Okay so I saw this as the student thinking that the way society shapes you into becoming what they want is a pretty normal thing to do and is acceptable. I thought this because they used a word "shaped" which doesn't seem to have any negativity attached to it. But the professor replaces the word "shaped" with a more dramatic word "contorted" which seems to have a negative connotation attached. And perhaps he/she is saying, "it's not all right for others to contort you into the way they want. you are free to be whatever you want to be." It's like the professor is trying to teach the student a lesson through their lab. And also, here we see the tape you mentioned before, the tool that is being used to mold people and keep them from relaxing back into their "natural position," their beautiful self <3

iv. five thermometers


Okay so one thing I noticed is your use of the number five I may be reading into this too much, you may have needed five for the sake of the experiment haha. I did a quick google search just to make sure I wasn't saying anything incorrect, and I've found that number 5 is the number of humanity - "Human beings have five fingers, five toes, five appendages (if the head is included), five senses, and five major systems of the body."

I think it's interesting that you used a number that actually relates to humans specifically. It gives me the impression that once again, we are being told to have the perfect number of fingers, toes, senses (that can all be symbols of something else) in order to be prefect and normal. I also did some more digging, and found something pretty cool. In Chinese Culture, "people with the lucky number 5 usually tend to pursue freedom. They do not like to be bounded by their surroundings or other people." --> that's pretty neat to me because it can actually contradict what I said before, and instead represent that we are not supposed to stay in our boxes - we are supposed to "pursue freedom" and not be "bounded by our surroundings." But I think the first interpretation makes more sense since the student wrote it because the student is usually the one talking about being contained and staying in our boxes, not about being free.

I don't think you chose the 5 on purpose? I think you actually needed it for the experiment? But I think that's a cool unintentional meaning behind it c:

so that the temperature can be forced into revealing itself


Here again, I think the professor is taking a jab at the way society (I feel like I've said that word so much and it's bothering me but I can't think of another word xD) pressures people. I'm pretty sure when temperature increases, pressure increases? So I think that's neat since you are using a thermometer that obviously reads temperature xD so maybe the thermometer represents the pressure that is put on individuals, and you used the word "forced" so that makes me think of pressure as well. I was thinking maybe this line is about how we are forced by others to reveal our true nature to the world, but I kind of feel like the opposite happens; we are usually forced to push our true selves down and become another person instead. So I discarded that interpretation :p

v. a stopwatch
designed to impose behaviours and qualities upon time for the ease of consumption


Okay so I thought of this as the same thing I've been saying all along - people are always going to "impose" their way of acting and living onto you. You have to act this way, be like this, dress like this, talk like this, etc. I think your use of the word "impose" is really nice, because it has a very negative meaning

force (something unwelcome or unfamiliar) to be accepted or put in place.


So I love your word choice! ^^ I'm not really sure what to make of the "ease of consumption" part. I'm guessing that refers to the absorption of colours for your experiment? But I'm not really sure how to interpret that. As for the stopwatch, I interpreted it as there is a certain amount of time you're given to adapt to the way of living that people will try to impose on you. Or else, maybe you'll be shunned, who knows

vi. graph paper and a pencil.


Okay so I've basically given my thoughts on this section earlier, but I have three things I'd like to point out -

1.) I love how again, the professor crossed out the word "criteria" and replaced it with "restrictive expectations" to say that these expectations aren't rules or "criteria" that you have to live by in order to succeed in life; they're actually doing the opposite by restricting your movements and placing limits on your abilities. These aren't helping you by giving you a guideline on how to live your life. The "guidelines" are actually pretty harmful.

2.) "...please find a replacement..." ahh, for some reason this is so sad (I literally cannot think of a better word lol) to me. It's like humans are expendable, and if someone doesn't fit your "criteria," then you can trash it and find another one. This line is simple, especially compared to your other lines full of gorgeous imagery, but i think it's my favourite line. I just love it so much for some reason cx

3.) I'm curious on your reason as to putting a period at the end of "graph paper and a pencil." It can't be for grammar reasons, as it's not a complete sentence haha, but I'm not sure why you decided to include it. OH and I just looked back and noticed you put a period at the end of "tape" too. I'm actually really curious as to why you chose to put a period at those two spots and not anywhere else. I've never been so invested in a piece of punctuation xD

On to the procedure! ^^ Okay I know the word "procedure" is usually used when doing a lab/experiment and stuff, but I also find the word cool since it can also mean "a surgical operation." So it's like when you make your transformation into the person society wants you to be, you're undergoing some sort of a surgery, and I think that's pretty neat! I think I might be reading into this too much but I'm having so much fun omg, thank you for writing this <3

1.) Fold each piece of construction paper in half; if you create any unnecessary creases, discard the paper and try again with a fresh, seamless piece.


I pretty much have the same interpretation for this as I did with the "please find a replacement." You have to be perfect - if you've got any type of scratches, marks, or "creases" on you, that makes you not good enough, and therefore, you're going to get discarded and tossed to the side.

2.) Tape the paper shut so that it forms pockets, with only one end left open


Ooh so I interpreted this as once again trapping/confining a person, keeping them away from the light or freedom of being themselves. And with the professor's note

for the frisky nitrogen atoms


I got the idea that the one end left open is for anything "impure" or something out of the ordinary of a person/something that doesn't quite fit society's expectations to leave out of. So those frisky atoms just represent the free part of people, the one that wants to explore and find themselves and live by their own rules and just have fun, instead of staying in the little box that is drawn for us.

I don't really have any comments for the third step hehe so I'm going to jump to four :p

All your thermometers should read the same temperature. (If they don't your thermometers are broken.)


Omg I really love this part. We all have to have the same thoughts, ideas, because everyone having their own interpretation can lead to chaos. There is just one right answer, and everyone has to believe in that one idea. If you don't agree, there's something wrong with you, which refers to the broken thermometers. There's only one belief/interpretation/answer, and that's that. If you don't think so, then you are broken and dysfunctional. And yes, I agree with the professor over here c:

because disagreement is evil and there's never more than one right answer.


They basically summed up everything I was trying to say, but in a more sophisticated way xD

5. Note: Mixing colours always leads to brown and brown is a messy, impure colour


Eep I love this too. Brown is usually seen as an "ugly" colour, and not really one that is appreciated. So since a lot of people have that negative view on the colour brown, I think that's why the student also has that view and goes as far as to call it "impure," which is really sad </3 and then I love how once again the teacher tries to show the student a totally different side, the beauty of the colour brown. And you gave some really gorgeous examples. I love how you said "warm cow's eyes." It was an image that I wasn't expecting, but I found really pretty. And I loveee how you need that brown section:

Messy colours aren't bad.


Just like how people with complicated feelings and messy emotions and complex histories aren't bad. We are all super messy and complicated, and that's what makes us all so beautiful and unique <3 CAN I HAVE THIS TEACHER PLEASE HAHA

6. 10 x 10= 100. The perfect number, a combination of lines and curves to base your self-wroth off of


I think the professor is being sarcastic here by calling ten the perfect number. I think they are referring to when your looks are rated on a scale from 1-10, because of the part "The perfect number...to base your self-worth off of." And so I think this implies that everyone gets their self-worth from what other people think about them, from what other people rate them on that 1-1o scale. From what other people say about how beautiful or ugly they are (and of course, absolutely no one is ugly <3). I also think the professor took this lab as an opportunity to demonstrate a lesson to the student on how you don't need to live by the rules of other people, but how you should live the way you want to.

I don't have anything to comment on step 7, especially since we are getting to see the conclusions in the next section ^^

Colours drift...in shoe boxes


sorry I was too lazy to type it all out lol cx

WHATCHA THIS SECTION IS BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH AHHHH. I think in this section the professor is really just summing up all the thoughts I've mentioned before - how people (colours) are often caught by society (invasive eyes) and are stolen of their freedom. They are then forced to live a certain way and lose the freedom to "drift carelessly through the air." We shoudn't be restricted by the rules on how to live our lives. I think that's what was being said here, except in a very lovely, poetic way. AND I SUPER DUPER LOVE THE PART ABOUT HIDING COLOURFUL TISSUE PAPER IN SHOE BOXES, that's just so gorgeous <3 we shouldn't hide our true personalities but instead be the people we want to be.

but the page gives up...buried in a snowbank.


So I interpreted this as when we contort ourselves to the way people like us, we lose our true selves. Our "colours" are lost and fade away, just like you said. This section is super beautiful too. I love "fading into a limp imitation of a birchbark" --> that's such a haunting image, especially with the world "limp." And also, a large tree branch is called a limb, so I think your use of a tree is really neat with the word "limp." I really love this section <3

the page didn't ask you to touch it.


OMG SO THIS IS MY SECOND FAVORUITE LINE. It's such a simple line, but it has such a huge impact for me. To me, it's like saying "nobody asked you to get hurt/do this and get hurt by it" (that was such a poor explanation, but I'm not really sure how to phrase it oops sorry). I just think it's a super simply beautiful line

remember that if you drop water on a page of sharpie doodles, the markings will slowly ooze out into a rainbow of all colours.


Ooh, is this referring to chromatography? c: I hope that's right haha. I interpreted this as with every person who tries to portray themselves a certain way, you'll find that there's a lot more to them than you realized - they have so many different colours that have been pushed down and shoved away because showing their true selves means not being accepted in society. Everyone is made up of a "tangle of colours" and it's sometimes it's not visible on the outside - you have to do a bit of digging and find it. Because maybe it's been suppressed. Or maybe they didn't realize the beautifulness they were made up of all along

"If the atmosphere...by its own poor choices.


OKAY I SUPER DUPER LOVE THIS SECTION TOO. I think the atmosphere is supposed to represent society, and it's saying how if people don't accept you, then they're missing out on your awesomeness (that it's their loss). The world is a much colder place without your presence, so it's really bringing them harm by not acceptation you the way that you are. I love how you've portrayed society as "close-minded" and how it wasn't willing to give you a chance. I love this metaphor so, so much. It was so well done, and you've incorporated poetry into science so seamlessly, and ahhh I love it so much

I do have two questions c:

1.) I'm curious on the choice of using red pen/font for those definitions. I'm assuming it's the professor's writing since the font looks the same, but how come they decided to switch colours? Ooh wait I just thought of a reason while writing that xD is it perhaps to show that people who seem one dimensional or "gray" (the colour, not the feeling) on the outside actually have more inside of them (like with the chromatography section) such as the colour red?

2.) On the top of the lab, you have [ ]/100 and I'm assuming that's the spot where the student will see their grade. How come the professor didn't fill out that spot? Was this a rough draft and not the final copy to be turned in? I'm just curious because I couldn't think of an interpretation by myself c:

On to the final part!

Sometimes your potential...and no one can take it away.


This is such an amazing way to wrap up this lab poem. It has such beautiful imagery omg. I love "amaryllis bulb within your ribcage" like ahhhh that is such a gorgeous image??? ooh and I just noticed you said "vivid red explosion" so maybe the red colour font is supposed to tie into that lines/the overall message.

So I think this is saying that some people are just too awesome for society to accept :p Like I said before, if there is something that people can't understand, they won't accept it and might even hate on it. So people with capabilities that are beyond their understanding/beyond their reach are going to be shunned or not accepted because they are not like everyone else. Sometimes people just can't take in something that is different or not what they expected. And I think this section is trying to say that that is okay. That part of you is perfectly okay, and "no one can (or should be allowed to) take it away."

The sun would give...you aren't to blame


Um how dare you write something so amazing.

Eep I don't even know what to say about this section. I just love it so much, and I just really don't know what to say. This is my favourite section as a whole omg so much love for this part <3 <3 <3 <3 it's honestly the perfect way to end this and ahhhhhhh I love it so much omg haha

WHATCHA THIS LAB POEM BLEW ME AWAY. I super duper loved it the first time I read it, but reviewing and dissecting each part has really made me appreciate all the attention to detail. You did a fantastic job with combining poetry and a lab. This is such a unique concept and I definitely wasn't expecting to ever see something like this. You've incorporated some beautiful imagery into this, and I love how you've demonstrated a conflict and what I think is a solution to that problem. Your poems continue to amaze me <3

I know I didn't really offer any constructive criticism (I just don't have any and couldn't think of a single thing you could do to improve this) but I hope these interpretations help you anyway. This is one piece that I will never be able to forget, ever.

MUCH LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR POEMS <3




Seirre says...


STAR THIS REVIEW IS A MASTERPIECE I LOVE YOU <3 <3 <3

OKAY so I hope my overall interpretation wasn't too far off from what you had in mind xD

No you were bang on!

"if we can't understand you, then there's something wrong with you. we hate what we can't understand, so we're going to mold you into something that everyone will be able to understand so you won't be causing any problems."

Honestly that thought pretty much sums up the whole poem c:

Okay so one thing I noticed is your use of the number five I may be reading into this too much, you may have needed five for the sake of the experiment haha.

xD yeah you read way more into that than I did but I love your interpretations!! <3

I'm curious on your reason as to putting a period at the end of "graph paper and a pencil."

I put those periods there because the prof's notes start as independent sentences, compared to how "a stopwatch designed to impose..." can be read as one comprehensive thought. Though thinking about it, that might not make sense, as the student can't have known how the professor was going to add notes whoops c: might have to change that!

CAN I HAVE THIS TEACHER PLEASE HAHA

<3333

I'm curious on the choice of using red pen/font for those definitions.

I used the red because those felt like the important conclusions the professor was drawing from all their musings, so it seemed like a way to draw attention to their importance. And it also just matches the amaryllis/blood/red explosion imagery hehe

On the top of the lab, you have [ ]/100 and I'm assuming that's the spot where the student will see their grade. How come the professor didn't fill out that spot?

So when the professor was talking about 10x10=100 is the perfect number, what I had in mind was 100% is the mark the student is aiming for and they're basing too much of themself off that perfect mark. So the professor not putting a mark was a way of saying "that's not the point of this lab, don't worry about the number". Perhaps not the most obvious interpretation though c:

WHATCHA THIS LAB POEM BLEW ME AWAY.

STAR YOUR REVIEW BLEW ME AWAY YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE HUGE SMILE ON MY FACE WHEN I WAS READING IT

but I hope these interpretations help you anyway.

Hearing your interpretations and questions is really really helpful Star, it helps me know what parts are coming across as intended and which aren't <3

This is one piece that I will never be able to forget, ever.

Awwww <3

I honestly can't express how much this review made my day, thank you so so much for putting so much time and energy into reviewing this Star <3



starlitmind says...


AND THIS POEM IS A MASTERPIECE c: I LOVE YOU TOO <3 <3 <3

Ooh, I see your thought process behind the period! Thanks for explaining that to me ^^ OHH and the red makes a lot of sense too!! I love how cohesive everything is, it all works so well together c:

OH OH OH the 100 thing makes so much sense!! That's actually really clever, I'm so glad you told me that, it just made me appreciate this even more <3

AHHHHHH I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS, THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!! It was actually super fun to write, and I'm super happy to hear that you liked it ^^ SO thank youuu for writing this c: <3 <3



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Tue Dec 08, 2020 5:39 pm
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Is...is this...poetry? Pretty certain this is a masterpiece novel right here




Seirre says...


Aw that's very sweet <3

I was considering classifying it as "other", but I decided to classify it as poetry because I used a lot of imagery&descriptions and a lot of figurative/metaphorical/non-literal language. It definitely isn't a conventionally structured poem, though, I'll give you that! c:



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Mon Dec 07, 2020 6:07 am
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Riverlight says...



How am I supposed to review this? XD




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Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:50 pm
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Willard says...



buddy, in the most endearing sense, this is bonkers.




Seirre says...


Ahahaha thank you so much :D



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Sun Dec 06, 2020 10:53 pm
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silented1 says...



I have no clue how to review this.




Seirre says...


haha that's understandable! I barely had a clue how to edit it c:




You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind