Ah nice repetition in this piece, and a good solid image to pull from.
A couple comments.
I love this line, "thunder sing and lightning sigh" like AHhhh that's such a good pairing!
In this line, "don't dream of dissent" -> I think you mean "descent" (to go down) rather than "dissent" (to disagree) but maybe I'm wrong? I just couldn't quite make sense of why it would be "dissent" in this case. In the line, "i dream of discord and dissent" it makes a bit more sense, and I guess maybe you were going for kind of a pun? Let me know! Because I'm pretty curious!
Also you've got this great image in the opening stanza of "solace and steel" and I would love if you had included that steel imagery somewhere else in the poem too, because the pairing is neat, but feels a little random without expanding on it.
Overall the poem feels a little wispy - like there are just little imagery tangents that aren't quite lacing together into a story yet, but the poem does successfully express a mood of this descending into this place of darkness and maybe tranquility, maybe even death - if going down is a metaphor for the grave.
Interesting stuff! I really enjoy your poetry perspective Scar, and need to read more of your poems.
alliyah
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