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E - Everyone

Vibe

by SadboyJay


Verse  1

Look I sitting here enjoying music and writing poetry,

But lucky me I write my own poems,

Don't be mad at yourself

Your still enjoying Life

it is  always going to be a  vibe

 you need to enjoy your Life.

Poetry  is for everyone

 they feel or express 

in unsaid words.

 its Nothing wrong with what you feel 

Just,

Know that you are getting your feelings out there

Just know in your heart,

that you got a vibe.

Verse 2

Just know that your heart

is telling you that if a friend

is not treating you the same as there others,

friends they come and go,

so

Just know that you have a Life

and you got a such a good vibe

Just know 

you Don't  got time.

cause you are out there living a good Life

I enjoy doing poetry and writing 

what i feel that's there

about poetry you express your feelings or you just write what you feel or listen to

Just know that treat yourself like royalty.


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429 Reviews


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Fri Sep 24, 2021 8:59 pm
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there, and happy RevMo! Plume here, with a review!

I enjoyed these lyrics! I think they definitely have the makings of a pop song. You've got a lot of good messages here, and it was sort of meta in a way, when the narrator talked about writing poetry. It was short and sweet, and quite fun to read!

One thing I might suggest is adding some figurative language. The way it is now is very cut and dry, and with poetry (lyrics especially) you get to really play around with word sounds and ways of saying things. I know some of my favorite songs are ones that I can't even comprehend. It also makes certain lines hit really hard and makes your song unique. This just feels more like you've taken some sentences and pressed enter every so often. By incorporating more metaphors/similes/allusions and such, listeners/readers will feel a deeper connection/emotional reaction to your song.

One thing I wondered about was your capitalization choices. Throughout the poem, you capitalized "Life" and "Don't" and "Nothing," words that needn't be capitalized. If you were doing it for emphasis, I'd suggest using italics or some other form of textual format, as using capitalization as emphasis isn't grammatically correct. If it was for a visual aspect, I'd suggest making that clearer; it just seems a bit strange and useless as it is now.

Specifics

Look I sitting here enjoying music and writing poetry,


This first phrase didn't sound entirely correct to me. I'm not sure exactly what you wanted to impart to the reader, but I think that maybe rephrasing it so say "Look: I'm" rather than "Look I" would improve the flow. Right now, it just sounds unprofessional.

Just know that treat yourself like royalty.


Again, here: the sentence opener "just know that" doesn't fit with the imperative clause you have following it. I think the insertion of "you should" between "that" and "treat" would improve this problem.

Overall: nice work! I think the messages you imparted in this song were important, and a bit more figurative language and grammatical review could really elevate it to the next level! I hope to read more of your work soon! Until next time!!




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Fri Sep 24, 2021 6:31 pm
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TrinityPoeting wrote a review...



Hello jay! Nicole here for a short review.

First impressions: i thought this was a pretty good poem. There were quite a feel grammar mistakes, but that's okay!
I feel like the first and second verse weren't really related. They were kind of two different poems. But it's your own style.

Things you could improve: there were some grammar/spelling mistakes i found, but that's fine. One that you did a few time's was confusing ''you're'' and ''your'' like when you said:

Your still enjoying Life

it is always going to be a vibe
it should be "you're still enjoying life".
There were a few other things like this. I would recommend getting a grammar checker, and running your work through it.

Keep writing!
-Nicole




SadboyJay says...


thank you nicole




“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451