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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Divine Intervention: Chapter Eight

by Sujana


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

“Have we got a whopper for us today, girls.”

Zachary looked about the post office, his black, toothpaste-shaped, glossy hair glistening off the sunlight piercing through the open blinders. Callie and Cassie both rushed from their spots at the desks, standing by to hear the news he had to share. The redheaded one of the sisters, Callie, jumped over the stamping table, sitting cross-legged in her blue uniform. The dark haired one pulled up a chair, sitting with the back of it in front of her chest, both feet straddling it like a horse.

Gordon groaned, struggling into the office from the sorting room. He’d considered it his bedroom since he couldn’t find an apartment working in the big city, and when Ithuriel began sending him messages through mail his tendency to lounge around there didn’t get any better. Something about the attempted murder of a powerful Mediator—the ‘Elijah of the 21st century’. The perpetrators mistook another man with the same name and description for him, probably a relative of some sort. Ithuriel, that magnificent bastard, he knew this was exactly what Gordon would’ve eaten up if it weren’t for him being banned from the HOLY Enforcers. He was ‘too violent’, ironically. After the incident when he accidentally caused an earthquake that shook the supports of Japan, he was transferred into the Messengers branch of HOLY, his character to valuable to be sent back to heaven.

Which is why he was stuck here, doing the paperwork while Camiel and his crew are lifting weights.

“Oh, hey Gordon. Almost forgot about you.” Zachary pulled out a note from his uniform, smiling that licorice grin of his. “Take up a seat, I think you’ll like what this one says.”

“If it involves another filling of love letters, tell the Court I’ll be here sending post cards to human relatives.” The Messenger branch, unlike most branches of HOLY, dealt with all the human affairs on Earth. As such, the head of the branch, Brother Zachariah, runs a post office in New York City. It was proclaimed the sunniest spot in the whole borough of Brooklyn when the office was built.

“Oh, I wish,” Zach said, cheerily. “But never mind that. No, it has more to do with your favorite word.” He clenched his fists at the side of his face, opening them up magically when he uttered the word: “Suffering.”

Callie scowled a bit, attempting to cry. Gordon smirked. “In my defense, my favorite words are actually ‘Food’ and ‘Firearms’.” He claimed. “Though ‘Suffering’ isn’t a bad word. Continue, please.”

Zachary laughed that high pitched laugh of his, the one that sounded of dying cats. “Fine, fine.” He started. “Anyway, an Asian man in Chicago recently died of tripping on his wooden floorboards. His son is in mourning, currently, and his mother hasn’t been very helpful. The son, who was homeschooled, has now been forced into public school and is having such a horrible time there.”

“Poor little guy.” Callie pouted. She turned to Cassie, tilting her head with her doe eyed pose. “We should go and cheer him up, don’t you think, Cassie? Maybe send a bouquet on his door. Or bake some cookies!”

“That’d be nice, Callie,” Cassie said, leaning forward in her chair. She looked to Gordon, grinning. The woman had that awful twinkle in her twisted blue eyes, something he didn’t like about her. “But you heard Zackie—this might be a job for a big, strong man.”

“Doesn’t sound like it, to me.” Callie crossed her arms, huffing and puffing.

Zachary chuckled. “Well, it isn’t that big of a job. But I really think Gordon would like to take this on.”

“Why?” Callie asked, in vague interest.

“The boys’ name is Nei Li.”

Gordon lit up almost immediately, turning back to Zachary. “Nei Li?” he asked, almost charging at the other angel. “The Mediator? I thought you said he was just a boy--”

“He is just a boy,” Zach said. “A very bright, lovely boy, and also a Mediator. One of the youngest in history, if I’m correct.”

“And one of the most powerful links to the Father since the days of the Bible,” Gordon half-laughed, half-spoke, unsure what to make of the matter. He walked to Zachary, snatching the note from his hand. “How did you get this? The Court couldn’t possibly ask for something like this, they would’ve given the task to the Enforcers--”

“They didn’t.”

He stopped, pulling his attention away from the note. He stared at Zachary, the smile on the smaller mans’ face widening consistently. “No,” Gordon shook his head in disbelief. “No, you wouldn’t.”

“I found the letters Brother Ithuriel have been sending you, and researched a bit about the case.” Zachary shrugged, modestly. “I knew you wanted to participate in the matter somehow, and felt poor for the boy. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone, so I went ahead and asked the Court for a favor.”

Gordon held his jaw with his right hand, trying his hardest not to smile like an imbecile. “Bless you,” He managed to utter, between giggles. “Bless your bright, cheery, irritatingly sunny soul, Brother Zachariah.”

“Don’t think I’m sending you off alone. Since I asked for it, I’m in charge of supervising the task.” The postmaster said, for a brief moment sounding as serious as he could get. He smiled. “But you’re welcome.”

He turned to the other two, who were looking a bit dumbfounded, at this point. “As for you two cute little scamps,” He said, hands on his waist. “You both are in charge of sending a message to a priest in, and here’s the fun part, Rome.”

Callie nearly cried out in joy, jumping into her sisters arms. The two of them came bawling out of the poor chair, dissolving in laughter. Zachary chuckled a bit, turning to Gordon for a moment. “Meet me up at my place tonight. I have something else to show you.” He turned away before Gordon could ask for anything else, walking to the girls. “Now, see, this is a matter of utter importance…”

Gordon stared at the note in his hands. He couldn’t help but brighten a bit at it.

He knocked on the door for what seemed to be the sixty ninth time, leaning against the doorframe when he was refused a response. He looked at his watch. It was ten thirty in the evening. He took another knock at the door, only to be stopped by a voice: “Just a second, dear.”

Dear? The door opened, revealing Zachary in a relaxed white V-neck, coupled with fitting skintight jeans (Gordon was always questioning his choice of attire, but it only took a few meetings to establish it as ordinary).

“Don’t call me dear,” Gordon insisted, almost instantly after the door opened.

Zachary laughed. “I’m glad to see you, too, Gordon.” He stepped aside. “Well, come in, then.”

The smaller man closed the door behind him, leading him into the main room. It was a comfortable place to live in, not at all tiny, but not overwhelmingly large either. The apartment had been fitted with lamps at the ceiling and at the sides, a television set sitting by the glass doors leading to the balcony, a three seated couch, and several other doors possibly leading to a bathroom or a bedroom. It was all covered in a surprisingly normal cream background, with wallpaper a tamed color of yellow and oak floorboards. Knowing Zachary, Gordon had been expecting something a little bit more…garish.

“What? Oh, don’t look at it like that, Gordon.” Zachary walked to the balcony, drawing the doors away. “I know it’s hideously drab, but the Court insisted on something a little more boring.” He shrugged, walking out of the room. He picked up an umbrella from somewhere on the balcony, pulling at something above him. Something dropped down with a metallic clang. “But they did purchase me a bit of ground I could have fun with.”

Gordon strode to the balcony, approaching the shining city below his feet. Zachary had gone, supposedly up the rusty old stairs he’d pulled down. Drawing a deep breath, Gordon climbed up those stairs, anticipating the madness he would witness next.

And really, it was rather mad. The closer he got to the top, the louder a certain sound got, the clearer the voice it became. When he got up on the final step, he realized it was a Johnny Cash song—someone he wasn’t too fond of listening to. He climbed out of the stairs, onto the roof of the building, finding the barren concrete converted into the exact opposite; a personal Eden.

I fell into a burning ring of fire,

I went down, down, down and the flames went higher…

A wooden roof of climbing vines and hanging pots stood above him, the ground he was standing on growing with fake grass and pot flowers. Beyond the garden was a small tent, opened up currently to reveal Zachary, twisting his legs over each other on a swinging couch. “So? What do you think?” He asked, gesturing to the entire scene.

“It’s—well, frankly, it’s all very…” He reached up onto the ceiling, plucking off a leaf. “Vegetarian.”

“You’re not going to eat it, silly.” Zachary stated, smiling. “You’re going to live in it.”

Gordon turned to the other angel. “Pardon me?”

“Well, I know you aren’t having any luck finding an apartment around here,” Zachary said, “So I decided to make use of this old piece of rock. And since I know you like everything destructive, I asked myself ‘What is the most destructive thing on the face of this planet other than Satan?’. And then, it hit me—Mother Nature!”

Gordon glanced at the flower pot beside him, sporting a very violent looking bush of jasmines. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

The taste of love is sweet,

When our hearts meet…

He didn’t know how to react with the ambience about him, the song giving off awful vibes to him. He wasn’t sure if it was on purpose, or Zachary just really liked his silly love songs.

Zachary patted the seat beside him, eagerly. “Well, come on. Sit.” Reluctantly, Gordon did, sitting cross legged and uncertain. Zachary buckled his hands together, a bundle of joy on his own. “I know you’ve had a rough time during your time in the Messengers,” He started, frankly. “I know that you’ve missed the Enforcers to no end, and I know I myself can’t do anything about it. But I’ve been miserable before. I know what it feels like to suffer. And honestly, I can’t stand seeing anyone else go through the same problems I did. So I may not be able to give you what you want, Gordon, but the least I could do is make what you have a bit more comfortable to live with.”

The smaller man offered his hand, joyfully. “I appreciate you, Brother Gordon of the Messengers,” He said, “And I hope our association is a long and lasting one.”

Gordon opened his mouth, unaware of the smile forming there. He reached for the other angels’ hand, shaking it gently. “I’m...I hope so too.”

…When I awoke, dear,

I was mistaken,

And I hung my head,

And I cried.

Just when he was about to draw away, Zachary jumped over him, burying him in a hug. “Oh god, I love this song!” He turned to Gordon, face popping with energy. “Don’t you love this song? Nobody can hate this song. You love this song, too, don’t you?”

“I’m not a very big fan of Johnny Cash.”

“Nonsense!” Zachary pulled him out of the couch, forcing him on his feet. “Everyone loves Johnny Cash, whether they like it or not. It’s like asking if you like water. Oh, I’m not a very big fan of water, it’s not my thing—well, then, my good sir, you’re either dead or suicidal, so I suggest you get some mental help.”

He swung the other mans’ arm around, putting them both in a position for dance. “Here, now. I’ll show you.” He drew both their bodies sideways to front, surprisingly strong for a man his size. “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine--”

“Zachary,” Gordon spoke, nearly laughing.

“You make me happy, when skies are grey--”

“Zachary!”

You’ll never know, dear--

“Come, now--”

“How much I love you…”

Zachary’s voice echoed for an instant, melodic no matter how annoying it was, and whether he realized it or not Gordon had stopped complaining some time later—what neither knew was that, during that same time, Gordon began involuntarily singing as well.


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Sun Mar 26, 2017 4:10 pm
Brigadier wrote a review...



Goooooood morning elk. It seems Mr. Bond that we have come to see each other once again and unlike before, it is now your time to die. Anyways it's just lizz dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Also on mobile and really late to the party, so I'll just keep this to overall comments, no quotes and maybe a lestrade gif if I can find a new one.

Part of the reason that I showed up here is because I love the story. And the other part of the reason I showed up was the mention of Johnny Cash, no matter what evil way I was wondering you would use it in. Turns out it was used in some sort of odd bromance dance on the rooftop of an apartment building. I don't know exactly what was going on with all of that but let's just start these comments from the beginning.

The things that caught my attention right away were: 1. the description of Zachary's hair and appearance because who could seriously miss that and 2. the post office. Just the fact that it's called the post office, intrigued me until I realized it was in fact an actual sort of real post office for supernatural mail. (am I interpreting all of that correctly) I guess I was expecting some serious spy shit to be going on surrounding the post office but that might just be because in Blacklist, the main black site is called the post office. Either way it made me stick around (who's kidding I would have stuck around if it was called Zach's Beauty Parlor but we're thinking in the minds of the normal reader) and perhaps stick around for the next chapter.

Okay so I'm getting the super serious supernatural spy shit vibe again from HOLY, which to me sounds like central intelligence. Maybe I'm thinking too far into this but it sounds like a mystery man, even a government conspiracy. I'm sorry for all of that, back on track now.
Since everything else has been picked through, I think I'll just comment on Zachary's laugh. Dying cats is certainly a strong emotion to inflict upon a reader. Like here take this guy laughing that more or less sounds like a hoard of cats being thrown into an inferno. I liked it but perhaps it takes a certain taste for comedy. (also sorry for the eighth time now for laughing at bits and pieces of this I probably shouldn't have laughed at, promised once again not to laugh at and will find myself laughing at again next chapter)
Zachary's sense of fashion is also a very interesting one to my because wtf actually still wear's skinny jeans? get caught up on your fashion Zach before you fall into the inferno of year old fashion trends. I'm also trying to imagine an angel that is normally pictured in long flowing togas, wearing tight skinny jeans and a sharp v tee shirt.
*shudders*
Never going to be able to get that image out of my mind.

I'm sort of just bouncing around between things right now because my overall comments for this chapter are just 'wtf' and 'i love this'. So yeah I've said it and I really don't have anything else to add except fashion advice for Zach. I'll be exiting very quickly out the back door.
Happy Review Day.
~Lizz
The Queen

oh yes meme
because you got your new star
and spoiler cause cursing and the goddesses are watching

Spoiler! :
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Sun Mar 12, 2017 6:11 pm
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Lauren2010 wrote a review...



Hello hello!

Oooh new characters. That's one of the greatest parts of stories like this that switch perspectives a lot, you get all kinds of new characters! I'm already very interested in the dynamic between Zachary and Gordon and this bunch of angelic post office workers. What a fantastic notion, angels in a post office. I'm also super interested in this HOLY thing, with messenger and enforcer divisions.

Since this is an entirely new thread in the book, I don't have a TON of questions or concerns. There are a lot of things I'm wondering about, now, but I'm not sure all of them need to be answered in this section:

--HOLY: I want to know more about it, how angels get to be a part of it (mandatory, or is there an application process?) and how they get selected for each division.

--What did Gordon do to get kicked out of enforcers? He's an angel, right (or some agent of God) but he has a penchant for suffering? In fact both of these guys seem to have an interest in suffering. What's up with that? I don't need a life story or anything, but I think we do need a detail or two to understand Gordon's interest in suffering while also understanding him as an angel. Unless I'm totally wrong and these guys aren't angels.

--Are Zachary and Gordon in love? Have they had a relationship in the past, or is this the beginning of something? Has Gordon been pining for Zachary or vice versa? Are angels allowed to have partners? Basically, if this is the beginning of a romance I think we need jut a BIT more background into their relationship.

--Why hasn't Gordon been able to find a place to live? Money? Do angels need money? Why does Zachary get an apartment he can't make lavish, but Gordon is left sleeping in the post office?

Otherwise, super interested to see where this storyline continues to tie in with all that we know already! I'm definitely getting a better sense of how things fit together now and I'm excited to see these different characters and threads continue to collide.

Keep writing!

--Lauren




Sujana says...


Are Zachary and Gordon in love? Have they had a relationship in the past, or is this the beginning of something? Has Gordon been pining for Zachary or vice versa? Are angels allowed to have partners?


A one-sided yes, a yes to the latter option, and yes to the former. It's too early in the developmental stage to know, really, but Gordon is a big softie for effeminacy and vulnerability. Angels are allowed to have partners, just not with humans, because that would entail reproduction which would creat things like the Grigori or the Nephilim (something they really do not want). Angels identifying with a certain gender is a relatively new development, as biologically all of them had no sexes and back in the day it was agreed that gender was more a human concept--but since the HOLY are usually on Earth, they're the sole exceptions when it comes to biology, at least. Angelic HOLY children are allowed, but usually they entail retirement from the parental angels side (and thus stripping of privileges, including access to heaven), so strangely enough a lot of working HOLY agents are involved in homosexual or asexual relationships. Not that those sorts of relationships don't spawn adopted children--the former head of HOLY, Michael, retired with a demon to raise a couple of little girls.

Why hasn't Gordon been able to find a place to live? Money? Do angels need money? Why does Zachary get an apartment he can't make lavish, but Gordon is left sleeping in the post office?


Zachary's situation is difficult, as you'll see later on. Most HOLY agents don't get that sort of privilege, that's true, but the administration offices up in Heaven have made an exception for Zachary because of his contribution during the War, and also the fact that he can't go back to heaven if he wanted to, unlike Gordon--the lavishness of his situation is more a compensation, a reward, and an apology on Heaven's side. This also doubles with the fact that heads of divisions get a lot more privileges (Camiel has a very peaceful cabin home somewhere in a forest, small but cosy enough) and that Gordon was kicked out from another division by Camiel, who has...a reputation of ruining lives of people he doesn't like.



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Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:32 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



Okay, I was writing a review for this on my laptop, but then today I forgot to bring my flashdrive. So I'm using my work computer instead.

(Shhh! Don't tell anyone.)

ANYWAY, let's see if I can remember what points I wanted to make.

First of all, I think your descriptions of Zachary/Zachariah (you used both forms, so I'm not sure which is his name) are on point. These are some of my favorites.

Zachary looked about the post office, his black, toothpaste-shaped, glossy hair glistening off the sunlight piercing through the open blinders.


Zachary pulled out a note from his uniform, smiling that licorice grin of his.


Zachary laughed that high pitched laugh of his, the one that sounded of dying cats.


What I love about these is that not only have you managed to describe him using interesting language that sticks in my mind, but these particular images seem to fit his personality as well as the physical features you're describing. What I mean is, I feel like you would've described Gordon using different words, even if he looked and sounded exactly the same as Zach. The description fits the character in every way, which is fantastic.

On that note, Zach's definitely my favorite so far. What a character. I love this bit especially.

“Nonsense!” Zachary pulled him out of the couch, forcing him on his feet. “Everyone loves Johnny Cash, whether they like it or not. It’s like asking if you like water. Oh, I’m not a very big fan of water, it’s not my thing—well, then, my good sir, you’re either dead or suicidal, so I suggest you get some mental help.”


However, at first I couldn't tell whose perspective this was from at first. Maybe it's because Gordon came "into the office from the sorting room." Since he wasn't in the room with the other characters when they were described, it didn't feel like his perspective at the opening of the chapter - or anyone's in particular, really. So when you went into the paragraph describing why he was in the Messengers now, rather than the Enforcers, it felt like it came out of nowhere. It also felt that way because the beginning of this chapter felt more like the beginning of the entire story than a single chapter - I think just because you were describing characters that I assume have already been introduced at this point, specifically Callie and Cassie.

An easy solution to Whose Perspective Is It Anyway is to have Gordon overhear what's happening in the office at first, rather than describing it visually. Something like this, maybe.

“Have we got a whopper for us today, girls.”

Gordon heard Callie and Cassie's shoes tapping on the office floor as they scurried to hear Zachary's news. He groaned, struggling into the office from the sorting room. He’d considered it his bedroom since he couldn’t find an apartment working in the big city, and when Ithuriel began sending him messages through mail his tendency to lounge around there didn’t get any better. Something about the attempted murder of a powerful Mediator—the ‘Elijah of the 21st century’. The perpetrators mistook another man with the same name and description for him, probably a relative of some sort. Ithuriel, that magnificent bastard, he knew this was exactly what Gordon would’ve eaten up if it weren’t for him being banned from the HOLY Enforcers. He was ‘too violent’, ironically. After the incident when he accidentally caused an earthquake that shook the supports of Japan, he was transferred into the Messengers branch of HOLY, his character to valuable to be sent back to heaven.

Which is why he was stuck here, doing the paperwork while Camiel and his crew are lifting weights.

“Oh, hey Gordon. Almost forgot about you.” Zachary pulled out a note from his uniform, smiling that licorice grin of his. Callie was cross-legged on the desk, Cassie straddling her chair like a horse, already prepared to listen to him. “Take up a seat, I think you’ll like what this one says.”


And then if you want to keep the description you used prior to that point, like the toothpaste-shaped hair, you can add it in a short while later, when Gordon's actually in the office with the others. As you can see, in my example I mostly moved around the things you'd already written, rather than doing a lot of rewriting, but you could do either. By the end of this part, you've established that we're seeing things from Gordon's perspective, so that's as far as that particular rewrite needs to go.

Onto the next chapter! ...later, though, I see my lunch is about over. If I haven't reviewed chapter 9 by tomorrow, give me a poke to remind me.

Blue




Sujana says...


woah this is really detailed and great thank you




The wince that you wince when you see your quote in the quote generator is quite a wince, I tell ya. To know that the whole YWS community has read and judged your quote is quite an awkward feeling like oh noes. *manly blush*
— Arcticus