Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Other » Realistic

Eternal Time

by KaiTheGreater

The weight of responsibility pulls at my chest, a constant, nagging reminder of the desperate situation of my family. It doesn't give me a moment of peace, never a chance to block out the world and forget about reality. Even in sleep I remain restless and uneasy, waking constantly throughout the night. The dread of something happening the moment my back is turned, as soon as I close my eyes, keeps me from ever getting a decent amount of sleep, and often I run on two hours of sleep and twelve gallons of coffee for six days at a time. Something always needs to be done, and my conscious won't allow me to leave it for the morning. I hate to leave a job half done. I feel like getting eight solid hours of sleep a day is a waste of time.

You can stop to catch your breath once in a while, but during all that time, the world keeps spinning, people keep moving, and time keeps flowing right past you. That time can never be recaptured. The world keeps moving around you, and if you're not fast enough to keep up, it'll leave you behind. You'll wake up one day and realize that you are hopelessly lost. Everyone else is so far ahead. It was only a couple of hours, you think. It wasn't that important. But it was. So little time must be meaningless in the endless flow of days. Just a few hours. Why can't I have them back? But they're gone now. You will never see them again. You can spend years wishing bitterly that you hadn't wasted your life on such a meaningless thing, and the strength of your desire is so agonizing and overpowering that you think surely some supreme being that controls the flow of time can't stand to feel your torment a moment longer, and will give you back those few hours, but all the while time just keeps slipping past, like an endless river. The water is gone. You can never get it back. By the time this realization sinks in you are now so hopelessly far behind the rest of the world that you know there is no point in trying anymore. You'll never catch up. You're too tired to do anything but sink. Better to end things here and now than continue to struggle in vain against the endless tide of life.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
200 Reviews

Points: 60
Reviews: 200

Sat Mar 05, 2016 7:20 pm
kman134 wrote a review...

Hello, this is kman134 here to review.

This was a very short fic. From reading it, i could see the reflection of the real world, dealing with family problems and trying to block out the pain of reality. your sleeping habits remind me of my own, having to wake up from four hours of sleep and drinking four gallons of coffee, and even if you try to sleep, you can never escape reality.

The symbol of time and the world's changes is very is another great theme, feeling time passes and all the wasted years never to return to you. As time goes by, you try to make the best of it and consider every moment of the best your life a gift.

Every second of your life is precious and you must cherish it before you lose it, or waste it. Anyway, i liked it and wished it was a little longer, though. Hope there is more.

User avatar
933 Reviews

Points: 4311
Reviews: 933

Sat Mar 08, 2014 7:30 am
View Likes
Iggy wrote a review...

You're my 350th review and the reason I will be rocking a blue star! Thank you. <3

My first thought was that this is short! :O but then I started reading and oh my, it's perfect. Amazingly written; no more length is needed. I'd rather it be short and amazing than long and boring!

I love the focus on time, and how every second is a gift. I love the examples, the metaphors, the beautiful ways you use to describe time and what time is used for and why it is important. Your overall wording was simply amazing. Every sentence had a strength behind it that, combined with the entire work, was loud and strong and oh so powerful. The message you were trying to get across resonated clearly; there was no way I could have missed it. Your work also leaves the impact it's supposed to leave - you made me recall how much time I've wasted, how much/little time I spend with my family, and how I will never get it back.

Every minute is precious, and your beautiful work reminded me to never take it for granted. Thank you for sharing this with me. It truly was a pleasure to read.

One tiny nitpick:

Just a few hours.Why can't I have them back?

Surely you see what I see, yes?

Besides that, I will reiterate: powerful piece. I loved it. :)

Thank you!! :D

Random avatar

Points: 400
Reviews: 1

Thu Feb 27, 2014 4:12 am
View Likes
emac6 says...

i found this piece to be beautiful in its prose and haunting in its message and delivery. i would be very interested to find out how these works fit into your novel and to discover how this theme manifests itself in your other pieces.

User avatar
74 Reviews

Points: 2990
Reviews: 74

Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:50 am
View Likes

This is a personal experience to me. I just agree so much. Time is something that constantly slips on by.

Very dramatic and at first my mind was wandering a little. By the end this story had a hold of me and I couldn't not read it. Truly an agonizing monologue.

User avatar
124 Reviews

Points: 495
Reviews: 124

Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:47 am
View Likes
Liaya wrote a review...

Well, I think this is a great start! It addresses something we all feel sometimes, I think, and time really seems to be such a complicated subject. Your'e fluent and it's easy to read. However, I feel the two paragraphs are a little mismatched; the first is written in first person and the second in second person. I suggest changing the entire thing to second person so it only addresses the reader. It is something that would be twice as effective with such a personal twist to it. Other than that, I think it's really great! Keep up the good work!

Thanks for reviewing! This was originally part of a novel, so that's why it might have been a little confusing with first/second person.

Wild animals are just as confused as people are now.
— Jack Hanna