The weight of responsibility pulls at my chest, a constant, nagging reminder of the desperate situation of my family. It doesn't give me a moment of peace, never a chance to block out the world and forget about reality. Even in sleep I remain restless and uneasy, waking constantly throughout the night. The dread of something happening the moment my back is turned, as soon as I close my eyes, keeps me from ever getting a decent amount of sleep, and often I run on two hours of sleep and twelve gallons of coffee for six days at a time. Something always needs to be done, and my conscious won't allow me to leave it for the morning. I hate to leave a job half done. I feel like getting eight solid hours of sleep a day is a waste of time.
You can stop to catch your breath once in a while, but during all that time, the world keeps spinning, people keep moving, and time keeps flowing right past you. That time can never be recaptured. The world keeps moving around you, and if you're not fast enough to keep up, it'll leave you behind. You'll wake up one day and realize that you are hopelessly lost. Everyone else is so far ahead. It was only a couple of hours, you think. It wasn't that important. But it was. So little time must be meaningless in the endless flow of days. Just a few hours. Why can't I have them back? But they're gone now. You will never see them again. You can spend years wishing bitterly that you hadn't wasted your life on such a meaningless thing, and the strength of your desire is so agonizing and overpowering that you think surely some supreme being that controls the flow of time can't stand to feel your torment a moment longer, and will give you back those few hours, but all the while time just keeps slipping past, like an endless river. The water is gone. You can never get it back. By the time this realization sinks in you are now so hopelessly far behind the rest of the world that you know there is no point in trying anymore. You'll never catch up. You're too tired to do anything but sink. Better to end things here and now than continue to struggle in vain against the endless tide of life.