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Keeper of Secrets

by Riellehn


Keeper of Secrets,

Keeper of Woe

Do you know where

Your secrets will go?

You shouldn’t ask me,

For I’ll never tell

It’s a sensitive subject,

Does that ring a bell?

You have some weight,

Things to leave behind

You can give that to me,

Come on, speak your mind!

Care not about me,

For I am worth nothing!

The Beast, it hunts,

Its mouth ever frothing

Why face that alone,

With this weight on your shoulders?

It’s quite hard to run,

With secrets like boulders

So open, my friend,

And give me your woe

Why do you care

Where your secrets will go?

I will tell no one

What you say today

The secrets that haunt you,

I’ll keep them at bay

I am the Keeper,

I am your friend

Only I know the secret

Of how this will end

Your weight on mine,

Mine on many more

The secrets of all those

Who come to my door

This next one may break me,

But that’s quite alright

For you must go on,

To continue your fight

And I’m just a Keeper,

A Keeper of Woe

And not many care

If a Keeper will go


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111 Reviews


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Sun Jan 26, 2020 11:51 pm
tgham99 wrote a review...



I like that this poem is more on the mysterious side, which leads the reader to be more likely to create their own interpretation of what exactly our narrator's Keeper is. To me, this is more of an ode to someone or something that the speaker is confiding in; someone or something that holds all of their secrets so that they get that release when it comes time that they can no longer hold everything in anymore.

I thought it was interesting that you opted to use some punctuation, but not periods in particular; I personally would have liked to see some periods at the end of the lines that complete the narrator's thoughts, just for the sake of keeping everything nice and structured. This isn't necessarily a big deal, though, because, depending on your intended interpretation, this decision could have been a result of the intention to keep the poem open-ended and mysteriously metaphorical.

I like that the poem seems to be a one-sided, slightly frustrated and confused conversation between the speaker and whoever/whatever they are addressing. The use of rhetorical questions (Why do you care / Where your secrets will go?") really makes this an interesting, open-ended piece; I actually think that ambiguity in this poem works really well.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece and I hope to see some more of your work!! Write on!!

Image




Riellehn says...


A lot of people have been pointing out the ambiguity, and with mixed feelings concerning said ambiguity, so it's something that I'll be paying attention to in the future (the reviews on this poem have been extraordinarily helpful, yours included!)
Thanks for the review! ^-^



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Sat Jan 18, 2020 7:42 pm
Zrillis wrote a review...



I liked this a lot. its very deep and mysterious. in my mind, I see the keeper as the grave. a place that tells and keeps all secrets. I really like the imagery and dark overtones I felt while reading this. There is a lot said in such short words, and I was able to feel a lot from the short poem. Reading this put many thoughts and emotions into my mind.

if you have any more poems I will have to check out your account.

normally I wound point out places I didn't like or mistakes I saw, but if I'm honest I didn't find anything to criticize

keep up the work this was inspiring for me




Riellehn says...


Thank you for the compliments! I do have other poems of varying quality and subject matter, and this was a rewrite of a poem I posted here a while ago. I prefer this one to the previous, but the previous did play around a bit more with format



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Sat Jan 18, 2020 5:14 pm
MadagascarMaiden wrote a review...



Interesting, im trying to think of what this could be about. could it be, and im just guessing here, jesus asking for someone to lay down all their secrets and shame so that he can take up the burden? Simple formatting but appealing to look at, and good choice at words. people need to write more poems. keep up the good work, from one poet to another. :-)




Riellehn says...


Personally, that was not my thought process while writing this (I'm not religious myself) but if that is what you thought while reading this, then it is a legitimate interpretation ^^
And I don't think a lack of poetry is a problem on this site XP



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Sat Jan 18, 2020 2:33 am
BlackThorne wrote a review...



1.

Come on, speak your mind!

breaks flow. try replacing for rephrasing.
Example:
Go, speak your mind.

2.
Its mouth ever frothing

if the lines were longer it wouldn't matter as much, but the imperfect rhyme is a bit jarring. my suggestion is that you rework the companion line because "nothing" is hard to rhyme.

3.
With secrets like boulders

for a single line, the phrasing is too simple and static. you should spice it up a little.
Example:
Secrets weigh like boulders


4.
Your weight on mine,

phonoaesthetically, "mine" is a unsatisfactory word to end a line on (translation: it sounds weird.) try revamping for a better rhythm.
Example:
I'll add your weight,


5.
This next one may break me,

But that’s quite alright

For you must go on,

To continue your fight

this Dr. Suess-ish way of dialogue in verse doesn't quite match with the rest, if you want to change it.

neat poem! :)




Riellehn says...


I will admit I went for a more simplistic style of poem, which is why I accepted defeat on a few of the lines and why it seems oddly cheery for how bleak the meaning is (that was also done on purpose; this Keeper is trying to convince the person to release the weight on their shoulders, but lets a few of his own secrets slip in the process).
But thanks for the criticism! I think I'll keep it as is, but I'll keep in mind your qualms for the future ^^



BlackThorne says...


thanks! no problem :)



BlackThorne says...


thanks! no problem :)



BlackThorne says...


thanks! no problem :)



BlackThorne says...


thanks! no problem :)



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Sat Jan 18, 2020 12:40 am
MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...



Hi Riellehn!

It's really fun to read, I love how it rhymes.

I kept wondering who's the Keeper though. The poem could be referring to a psychiatrist, a friend, a diary, or even the internet, or something entirely different. If it's the internet, that adds a dark undertone. But many will definitely care if the internet goes, so maybe not that. (Or is it?)

It make more sense if the Keeper is a mental health professional. Well, whoever the Keeper be, the world needs them. The Keeper listens to a number of people everyday and the stories are not always easy to listen to. But they endure it, share the weight, so you may walk a little easier. The keepers save lives, sometimes from the shadows, because they don't do it for the applause. The meetings are of course confidential, so you can sleep a little better knowing your secrets are shared and safe.

That's my thoughts on the poem. I wonder if you have a different interpretation.

Excelsior!

~MAS




Riellehn says...


I mostly based the Keeper off of myself, because I not only have a lot of my own secrets, but many have trusted me enough to share their own with me. It was something my therapist and I talked about; she mentioned how, at the end of the day, a therapist has to know how to detach themselves so that they don't bear the weight of what they heard that day. I don't know how to do that, and that is mentioned in the final lines.
However, your interpretations are all very valid, and something I hadn't considered while writing this.




Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
— Mark Twain