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16+ Language Violence

The Forsaken Race - The Hidden Truth: Chapter 15

by RavenAkuma


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Chapter 15 - The Raven's Cavern

      

     

As Kita found out last night, when the demons permitted her to stay, it didn't mean gaining access to their fortress. It meant staying in an old shack that Kodin had built while he was still alive.

It was barely the size of a small bedroom, and it was falling apart. The walls were composed of several interlocked stones, while the floor and roof were made from unrefined cut logs. One cracked window was in the back-left corner, and the only furniture was a shabby wooden chair. There was a sheet of rough plant fibers on the floor below the window, which Kita reluctantly used as a bed. She got even less sleep than usual, because of it.

The restless sylph was now sitting up on the sheet. The time was six-thirty in the morning, and the sun had barely risen. Since they were in the middle of fall, it was cold.

Kita groaned, "This is going to be terrible. No bed, no good water, no light, and there's a pack of demons just outside the door."

As she peered out of the window, she was still surprised. They were no longer in the Blood Forest, or anywhere near it. This area was through a well-hidden portal, deep inside the forest. Therefore, she wasn't looking at trees, but at a shore of colorless pale sand and eerie dark water, no end in sight.

"What 'fortress' could this possibly be?" Kita asked herself. "It's just a cove. I thought magical creatures would live somewhere more elaborate."

"Like an enchanted forest or a black castle?" Stud suggested. "That's rarely the case."

Kita turned toward him. "How does magic work? Could I use it, myself?"

"No!" Stud remarked. "You're a mortal. Now, I'm no expert, but I do have a base knowledge. Probably left from my familiar curse."

"Okay," Kita replied.

"Think of magic as two trees," Stud explained. "One is white magic, one is black, and they both have their own branches. Tribes, ancestry, etcetera can impact which branches you're connected to. Then, there are just a couple of branches right on the border of those trees -a shrub, if you will- that accounts for 'neutral' magic. Such as shapeshifting."

"I'm going to assume demons have their own branch on the black magic tree."

"Probably the elemental branch. That would explain the odd names, kind of."

"Interesting," Kita mumbled, clearly not focused.

"What are you planning?" Asked Stud. "I hope you're not trying to get into that fortress of theirs. If they catch you being sneaky, they'll probably hurt you!"

Kita glanced back out the window. "It'd be nice to see what they have, wouldn't it? I know that'd be very dangerous, though, so I'll save that for a desperate situation. In the meantime, I'll be safe, ask some questions, and do what they say. Maybe I can ask..."

Kita trailed off, there. Stud suddenly pricked his ears, listening hard. He then scurried to the door, holding one ear to it.

"What's wrong?" Asked Kita.

"I hear them," Stud replied. "It's that man with the blue hair, the floozy, and two others. I think they're talking about you."

Kita felt uneasy, crossing her arms.

"It sounds like they want to test you," Stud remarked.

"That doesn't sound good," Kita murmured.

Stud continued to listen, but just a moment later, he yipped nervously and scurried to the back corner of the room. Not long afterward, Zin barged into the shack.

"Attention, maggot!" He shouted.

Kita flinched. "H-Hello. Zin, right?"

"That's Commander-All-Master to you!" Zin argued.

Kita arched one brow. "Um..."

Zin pouted. "Okay, it's just Zin."

"Did you need something?" Asked Kita.

"You're our experiment for as long as we want," Zin taunted. "Time to put you to the test, and to start, let's see how you handle one of our regular missions. Lucky for you, we get a lot of vermin, and most of them are ten times worse than the beasts you get in Sybilius. Sounds fun, right?"

Kita gulped nervously. "S-Sure. What kind of mission is this?"

"Just the usual," Zin dismissively replied. "A small disturbance in one of our lands. Before we leave, though, I'll guess you can't see in the dark?"

"Actually, I see pretty well in the dark," Kita remarked. "Probably not as good as you're thinking, but enough."

Without responding, Zin turned and headed off. Kita took that as a cue for her to follow.

Outside, the sunlight burned her tired eyes, making her squint. The sand seemed to reflect it straight into her eyes.

The beach was part of a ballroom-sized cove, enclosed by towering stone cliffs and the mysterious dark water. An almost total lack of color made the area very monochromatic. Not including the shack, there was just the portal and the fortress entrance. Neither was elaborate; the portal was a shallow mark in the sand, marked by the haunting Zyrean Emblem, while the fortress entrance was a boulder with the same marking painted on.

Zin was leading her toward a group of demons around the portal. The group included Jem and Scorch -the husky lady and the tall gunman that Kita remembered well. There was also a lady with pale blue eyes and fair monochrome skin. Her lavender hair was braided and fell to her lower back. Her attire consisted of a blue dress with a white stripe on the skirt, a black and gray corset, and a gray belt with two crystallized daggers sheathed at her waist. A vibrant pink ribbon was tied around her leg, and another one tied off her braid.

As Zin and Kita drew near, the new girl looked stunned and stepped back.

"Four have mercy, you were right," she murmured.

"Told you," Scorch remarked.

Kita shuddered at the sight of so many weapons. There was nothing like it in Sybilius, especially the golden shotgun holstered across Scorch's back. Adding in the claws and fangs, and the knowledge that everyone used black magic, it made her uneasy.

Zin spoke first, "Are you sure we have to take her? She can't see in the dark."

The new girl shrugged her shoulders. "So?"

"What do you mean 'so'?" Zin retorted. "This is the Raven's Cavern; a mortal couldn't see its own hand in that darkness. She'll get caught in a pitfall, then we'll get yelled at."

"Maybe this is a bad idea," Scorch agreed. "If we have to do this, we can at least wait for a mission with more visibility."

"Agreed," said Jem.

The new girl crossed her arms. "Do you really want to argue with the twins? It's just the first part she'll have trouble with, then it'll brighten up once you reach the crystal garden. Also, Scorch, you're a fire elemental. If she needs light, you can literally just snap your fingers."

Scorch's ears pricked. "Oh, yeah."

Helplessly curious, Kita interfered, "Excuse me. Who are you?"

"Who we are is none of your business, mortal," Jem retorted. "You shouldn't even be here."

"Sheesh, Jem, take a deep breath," the new girl insisted. "You're getting as bad as Timbur."

Jem huffed, crossing her arms.

The new girl gained a friendly smile, but Kita still shuddered at the sight of her fangs.

"Please ignore my siblings," she spoke. "My name is Seyber. I'm the medic around here, and Thundur's apprentice."

Hearing her kindness, Kita barely calmed down. "Well, my name is Kita."

"Good to know," Seyber replied.

Kita thought to herself, Why is she so nice? This doesn't line up with the others at all.

"Yeah, that's great," Jem said impatiently. "Can we get this over with?"

Seyber looked unamused, one ear twitching. "Go ahead. You're the ones making this situation complicated, not me."

With a flick of Zin's hand, the portal glowed faintly. A tiny hole at its center manifested, then quickly grew until the ground opened, revealing a hole of black and violet smoke.

Kita felt someone shove her forward, forcing her into the portal. Frightened, she squeezed her eyes shut as she plummeted into the dark pit. It was the strangest sensation she had felt in a long time, even in comparison to the events that led her here. She felt trapped in a cold space, with nothing physical around her.

Just a few seconds later, she was propelled up, before crashing down roughly. As she opened her eyes, she saw a whole new area.

It was a small valley between two tall cliffs, with stoney gray ground beneath her. A tall mountain was behind her, blocking in the valley from that angle. There was no visible greenery, nor were there other living creatures. Just a twisted path leading deeper into the uneven terrain.

Kita gulped, murmuring, "How many places can they get to, just from that beach?"

Behind Kita, the remaining demons caught up. They didn't stop to check on her at all, proceeding relatively quickly onto the winding path. Kita brushed herself off and scurried to catch up to them.

"Better keep up," Jem taunted. "Don't think we'll be afraid to abandon you."

Ignoring that, Kita asked, "Do you mind if I ask you all a question?"

"Don't push it," Zin muttered.

"This place is yours," said Kita. "The beach andthe Blood Forest, too. Why is your territory so scattered? It seems more confusing than it should be."

Jem nudged Zin. "Don't answer her."

Scorch looked hesitant. "Well, that's nothing too revealing, is it? I mean, she couldn't do anything with that information. She still can't tell where these places are, or access them on her own."

Zin groaned, "Alright. We can't have one huge territory because it's too hard for just the seven of us to protect. It's easier when we have several small areas."

Kita murmured, "I guess that makes sense when you have a portal."

"Yup," Scorch replied. "A pain to set up, but it's a certifiably maggot-proof way of traveling. So don't get any ideas about it."

"You all keep using that word," Kita remarked.

Zin laughed, "Is there a better word for sylphs? A ton of stupid, fat grubs that do nothing but engorge themselves. That image is more appropriate than the rabbit emblem if you ask me."

While Kita found that incredibly rude, she mustered a weak laugh in response.

Meanwhile, the path continued to twist through the mountains and cliffs. However, they eventually stopped. Once they made sure nothing was around, the demons veered off to the side of the trail. Now, Kita was looking at a long crevice in the ground, in a cut-out of the cliffside. It was pitch black, inside.

Jem gave Kita a sly finger-gun. "Good luck, mortal."

The demoness slid into the dark entrance, while her two brothers jumped in after. Taking a deep breath, Kita dropped down. The landing wasn't enough to cause damage, but it still shot a jolt of pain through her ankles.

In the underground place, she couldn't see an inch in front of her. The voices of the others acted as a guide, but the path was still riddled with random cracks and holes. The demons had no problem navigating, of course, and Kita soon came to envy them. She figured that their strange eyes came with some capability to see in the dark.

Eventually, she could barely see a downward slope ahead. At the bottom, faintly illuminating the path, there was a lit-up entrance. The brightness was welcoming to Kita, who was tired of stumbling about like a fool.

The brightened place turned out to be a large cave, with six paths branching away from it. Better yet, countless crystals sprouted from the gray stone ground, walls, and roof. There was a whole array of shimmering stone, in all shapes and colors, everywhere she looked.

While the demons were just as casual as before, if not bored, Kita was awestruck.

"What is this place?" Asked the sylph.

Jem arched one brow. "You've never seen a crystal garden?"

"No," Kita replied.

Nobody responded to her after that. Jem used her magic to repair one of the cracked crystals, which confirmed she was an earth elemental. Zin and Scorch were busy looking for something else.

"What's the purpose of all these crystals?" Asked Kita.

Jem sneered, "Crystals are natural containers for magic, obviously. White, black, and everything in between."

"It looks like there's nothing here," Zin reported. "We'll probably have to go deeper."

While they tried to settle on where to go, Kita looked around. The glittering crystals continued to captivate her at every turn.

As she looked, though, she saw a glimmer out of the corner of her eye. Inspecting, she found a red crystal that was cracked and chipped. Soon, she realized that several of the shining stones in the area had been damaged. Just enough to lead to one path.

"Look!" Kita remarked. "Some damage."

Jem walked closer, checking for herself. Her brothers weren't far behind, Zin sliding ahead of them already.

"Ah, we are on the trail," said Zin. He made a comically heroic pose. "Onward, noble knights!"

While he ran ahead, humming an epic song, Jem and Scorch followed with more casual demeanors. Kita lingered behind the three of them.

Soon enough, the demons stopped on the path, their attention aimed at a small hole in the ground. Some thick black hairs were around it.

Zin tilted his head. "The hair's a clue, but I can't tell if the hole is."

"Thick hair," Jem mumbled. "It could be an aranea."

Dismissing it, they proceeded along the path.

"What's an aranea?" Asked Kita.

"Oh, come on," Jem muttered. "This is basic!"

"I-I'm sorry," Kita stammered. "This is all very new to me. It's very different growing up poor, in northern Sybilius."

"I can understand that," Scorch remarked.

Zin nudged him, whispering, "Don't start acting nice now, we have to be tough."

"Oh, um..." Scorch cleared his throat, making his gravelly voice more intimidating. "Can it, mortal!"

Jem rolled her eyes. "You two are embarrassing. Mortal, what do you know?"

"The basics of survival," Kita replied. "I can take care of myself, with the right tools. I also know how to trap smaller forest beasts, and I was working with simple potions for a while, but then I got fired from my job."

"Oh, you'll probably get along with Seyber," Scorch remarked.

"Scorch!" Zin whined. "For the love of Zyra, she's supposed to fear us!"

"You know I don't like conflict!" Scorch argued.

"You're making conflict right now by arguing with me!" Zin exclaimed.

"I'm sorry!" Scorch yelled.

"Both of you, shut up!" Jem snapped.

Kita heard them grumbling more, but backed away before she got dragged into the ridiculous conversation.

Soon, the path opened into a large room. The ground was uneven, and the crystals on the walls were primarily small, white, and growing in expansive clusters. The light was stronger, to the point it almost hurt Kita's eyes.

"A lot of light crystals, this season," Zin remarked. "Maybe we can finally put some lanterns up, in the first part of the cavern."

"The darkness is extra security, though," said Scorch.

'CK-CK-CK!'

The sound made them all flinch. It was like clicking, but much louder than a typical source. The demons unsheathed their weapons; Scorch with his shotgun, Zin with his sword, and Jem with her blade-tipped morning star Kita stayed far back.

They could see the threat on the far wall. A slightly yellowed spot in the crystals shifted madly. Soon after, it dropped and revealed its hideous form. A giant arachnid, nearly twelve feet tall, with extremely dark brown legs and a black head. Jagged, off-white crystals covered its abdomen, and thick hairs sprouted from its massive legs.

Kita froze in place, whispering, "Oh gods. It's so much worse than I thought."

Even the demons seemed a little surprised.

"Kumodin alert!" Zin called. "And it's a big 'un!"

Scorch cocked his shotgun. "Let's just kill it and get out of here."

While the demons stayed calm as they confronted the creature, Kita cowered behind one of the larger crystals, hoping it would protect her. She was still hyperventilating, though, terrified of such a big and unfamiliar beast.

"Is this what they expect me to help with?" She whispered again. "I can't fight that thing!"

Kita peeked around the crystal. Even though the beast looked powerful, the three demons were handling it very well.

As she watched, she saw that Jem was a little slow, but almost absorbed the attacks as she blocked them. Her durability, and the crippling blow she delivered to one leg, were impressive. Zin was slightly faster, swift with his blade, and he would sometimes use bursts of water to help himself move or jump. Scorch was also slow, but he was another heavy-hitting machine; the shots of his gun, the bursts of fire magic, and simple punches and kicks all made the beast stagger. Especially when paired with Jem's hits.

Kita took one step away from the crystal. "Wow. They're all so powerful, and they're the lowest-ranked in the group. I can't imagine-"

Suddenly, with shocking speed, the beast raised one of its legs and smacked Zin aside. He landed face-up, dropping his weapon. He didn't look hurt, but the kumodin raced toward him, baring its nasty fangs.

Kita cringed. "Oh no..."

Then, it was like she was possessed. She didn't know what came over her, but without thinking, she swiftly picked up a loose rock and hurled it forward.

It missed the beast's head by a long shot, but immediately drew its attention toward her.

Kita shuddered, muttering, "I hate my conscious."

The beast immediately redirected toward her. Just as fast, Kita regained her senses and rushed back toward her hiding spot. Unfortunately, the kumodin easily crawled around it, forcing her to keep running.

Meanwhile, Zin looked unamused, while Scorch and Jem caught up to him.

"She does realize we've done this before, right?" Zin said bluntly. "And that was an intentional hit so I could cut the leg right, hence this thing not being fast enough to catch and devour her right now?"

"No kidding," Scorch replied. "Good shot, by the way, that spot's hard to hit.

Jem sighed, "At least she's making an easy distraction. Let's bring it down."

While they got back to work, Kita was still trying to separate herself from the beast. At one point, it got so close that she could feel the hairs of its disgusting limb brush against her back.

Just as she glanced back, she saw Zin charge at it. There was a combination of blue mist and water droplets forming at his feet, and when he jumped, a torrent of water launched him high enough to slice the kumodin's eyes. The beast screeched, staggering back, while Zin landed in front of Kita.

"Stay out of the battle, mortal," he spoke. "We have things under control. Especially with beasts, not every hit is a lethal one; learn that now."

Kita was still confused, but got further out of the way. The kumodin released an agonizing screech and reared back. Scorch kicked out one of its legs, then immediately shot out the others. As the beast fell forward, Jem jumped on it, slamming her mace into its head. It lay still after that, green blood spilling from its maimed body. The demons received hardly anything but a few nicks in the skin, where black blood marked the wound.

Regrouping, Zin groaned, "Third kumodin this month! This is getting annoying."

"I hope it gets worse," Jem remarked. "Maybe the twins will have to do this work then, or send Timbur."

Scorch chuckled, "I like the way you think."

Jem sheathed her mace, then turned to Kita. She spoke with an unfriendly tone, "I'll hand it to you. It takes guts for someone like you to bait a kumodin."

"Bait?" Kita whispered. "O-Oh, thanks. No problem."

"Just don't take that as a warm welcome," Jem said warily. "It takes a lot more than that to get respect out of us."

Zin chuckled deviously. "Told you. This is just the usual."

Kita hid her nervous shudder. "Good to know."


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Mon Feb 26, 2024 9:00 pm
keeperofgaming wrote a review...



Small one:

I love that Zin is such a loveable idiot. He knows what he's doing, but he also is the most chill of them all. He's the Keefe of the group. He is playful but can get serious and has no fear of aiding someone.

Jem is also a gem. Her wanting to be feared is funny and believable. She wants to alienate Kita so if she needs to kill her, then she won't feel bad.

I love the other two and their kindness.

This is really well done. Thanks for writing it.




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Fri Feb 16, 2024 11:03 pm
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dragonight9 wrote a review...



Hi Raven! Been a while but I finally found time to read more of your amazing story.

As I'm reading through:

I love the idea that Kodin made a shack while he was staying with the demons and now Kita has inherited it. The state of the shack also tells me a bit about Kodin and his relationship with the Zyreans.

I like that you described a bit of magic but left most of how it works in the dark. It adds to the mystery and allows for anything to happen.

The fact that demon territory is a bunch of small areas accessed by portal makes a lot of sense and is a unique way of defining a territory. Very cool. I also enjoy the reasoning as for why Sylphs are called maggots.

The crystal garden was amazing however I was expecting a bit more about the journey to get there through the dark. Perhaps Kita almost falls in a hole which reminds Scorch to give her some light. Kind of like there was no payoff to the earlier set up.

I'm already growing to like these Zyreans. That heroic pose of Zim and His argument with Scorch is really endearing. (I really like Scorch as a character, practically the opposite of the Scorch in my book).

I love the way you've integrated monsters into this story. Not only does it make the Zyreans seem more human in comparison, it also gives it that fantasy vibe I love so much. This totally feels like a dungeon crawl.

Very interesting that Kita would act unconsciously to save someone. I knew she was a kind person but this adds a new dimension to it. It was also nice to see the demons recognise her intention even if it wasn't necessary.

And of course leaving us with the fact that this beast was nothing in the grand scheme of the world is a great touch.

Overall thoughts:

A great introduction to average Zyreans. I loved all the personalities present and the use of characters we are already somewhat familiar with.

Your naming convention is really made clear here and it makes me curious what Zin's special ability/trait is.

As mentioned earlier I loved the dungeon/fantasy part of this chapter and getting to know more about the culture of the Zyreans. For now they seem great :)

Last thoughts:

I'm really excited to see where you take this and how the magic system works. I already have so many ideas for how those magic crystals could be used.

Have a great day/night!




RavenAkuma says...


Welcome back! Noted about the trip in the dark, and also I was going to mention the opposite Scorches but figured I'd let you see for yourself lol. Glad you enjoyed, thanks for taking the time to read and review! :)



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Wed Jan 31, 2024 10:36 am
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Liminality wrote a review...



Hi again Raven! Lim here with a review.

General Impressions

This chapter left me with a lingering sense of excitement. I like that Kita is seeing more beautiful although dangerous places. It gives the vicarious feeling of wonder and curiosity that I love about fantasy stories. The different locations also felt like interesting takes on that type of setting. For instance, the beach here almost appears washed-out in colour and has a kind of lonely, desolate feel, whereas normally the thought of the beach makes me think of bright, vivid colours. Besides that, I liked the new characters introduced, Scorch and Seyber.

Characters

I like how Scorch and Seyber balance out the demon group. They don’t sound as ‘edgy’ as the others plus are friendlier to Kita as a whole. It helps make the demons seem more nuanced. I liked seeing how Scorch and Zin interacted especially.

"You know I don't like conflict!" Scorch argued.
"You're making conflict right now by arguing with me!" Zin exclaimed.
"I'm sorry!" Scorch yelled.

^As a side note, this exchange in particular made me laugh.

While Kita found that incredibly rude, she mustered a weak laugh in response.

When the demons insist on calling the sylphs maggots, I thought Kita’s internal reaction contrasting with her external one made a believable moment. She’s trying to cosy up to these guys (to avoid certain death or being forced to cope with her problem alone again), so she’s got to laugh at their jokes even if she takes offense to them.

Kita hurling the rock towards the end was an interesting moment. Even though she seems to think she’s done it unconsciously, I kind of interpreted it as her rushing to try and contribute *something*. After all, this is her first mission and she doesn’t want the demons to write her off because she wants to stay there.

Exposition

Something that had room to grow was how the information about magic was delivered. I think there were some moments where there was an opportunity to show the magic in action rather than to only tell the reader in dialogue.
Jem sneered, "Crystals are natural containers for magic, obviously. White, black, and everything in between."

^ For instance, I kind of wished Jem had shown how she might use the magic from one of the crystals here. We see her repairing the crystal, but not using it as a ‘container’, which is what she talks about.

Setting

Something I liked was how the crystal garden itself played into the story.

As she looked, though, she saw a glimmer out of the corner of her eye. Inspecting, she found a red crystal that was cracked and chipped. Soon, she realized that several of the shining stones in the area had been damaged. Just enough to lead to one path.

Kita finding this clue makes the setting come to life, because it’s a significant way in which the point-of-view character interacts with it. Before, I just imagined a bunch of crystals vaguely, but now I can imagine the area in more specifics – some of the crystals are red, Kita is pointing at one, and there’s been something moving through the crystals and damaging them.

The use of words like “shimmering”, “shining” and “glimmer” throughout the scene also makes it more alive, adding movement and sparkle to the crystals.
I particularly liked the description of the light crystals.

The ground was uneven, and the crystals on the walls were primarily small, white, and growing in expansive clusters. The light was stronger, to the point it almost hurt Kita's eyes.

It’s kind of striking that the crystals that shine brighter are smaller in size, so that drew my attention. I also like the specific descriptions “small, white, and growing in expansive clusters”. I feel like that helps highlight these crystals are important somehow, and indeed they’re the only ones to be given a name.

Overall

I wonder what Kita will have to face next! It sounds like the demons have to deal with a lot more besides their war with the Aubades, and I wonder how far Kita will go into demon business in order to fulfil her own goals. This chapter was exciting and a good display of what the world of demons is like. My main suggestion for revision would be to consider how to make the information about magic come alive like other parts of your scenes.

Hope this helps, and keep writing!
-Lim




RavenAkuma says...


Welcome back! Good to know that about the magic, I can see what you mean. Glad you enjoyed, thanks for reading and reviewing! :)



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Mon Jan 01, 2024 10:27 am
Mavraak says...



Awesome!




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Tue Dec 26, 2023 10:45 pm
PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello afresh, friend!
And merry, belated Christmas! I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this was stunning! You did a fantastic job with this chapter and showing everything that happened, which made it a real joy to read!

Kita, finally inside the Zyreans' fortress, is forced to go on a mission with a few of the demons who really dislike her, and when they got to where they were going, they were faced with a giant kumodin. In the face of danger, Kita makes a split-second decision to try and help Zin, unknowing that everything was under control, causing herself to get chased by the giant spider thing. Eventually, Kita was commended for her act of bravery, despite how stupid it was, and they told her it gets a lot worse.

This was a wonderful and action-packed plot that was a lot of fun to read!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be something related to the way you spaced words. There were a couple parts where words were fused together throughout this chapter.

The first was when Kita was asking why the territory was so scattered.

The beach andthe Blood Forest, too.


And the second is later on, when Kita and the demons were facing the giant spider.

"Is thiswhat they expect me to help with?"


Both of these are very small and change pretty much nothing about the text, but it can still be a tad bit confusing, so maybe just checking to make sure everything is separate could help with that.

But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, once again, there would be multiple! It seems to be a common thing with your writing; everything's incredible!

The first thing I thought was really great was when Kita had to navigate in the dark and grew envious of the fact that the demons could see. You said,

The demons had no problem navigating, of course, and Kita soon came to envy them.


I found this quite interesting and really enticing—the way Kita hates the demons so much but can be jealous of them if they have something that may be useful to her. It does an awesome job of capturing the idea that wanting something that someone more powerful or better than you has can quickly lead to a bad thing. Kind of like a deadly sin, which is very fitting for this novel. This idea is the reason I really liked this part so much, so kudos to you for capturing that idea.

Another thing I thought was nice was how Scorch wasn't all bad, and that seemed to really upset Zin. It was quite comedic in a sense, especially when they would start bickering about it. A couple parts that showed this really well are:

"I can understand that," Scorch remarked.

Zin nudged him, whispering, "Don't start acting nice now; we have to be tough."


AND...

"Oh, you'll probably get along with Seyber," Scorch remarked.

"Scorch!" Zin whined. "For the love of Zyra, she's supposed to fear us!"


Not only did I find this somewhat funny, but it also did a really good job showing they're relationship with each other and painting the fact that they're siblings. And sibling relationships seem to be a hard thing for a lot of writers to accomplish, which makes this all the more impressive. So good job with that!

The last thing that really stood out to me was, of course, the ending. It felt like it set up the rest of the novel really nicely and in a way that can be built upon in many different ways. I also feel like there was a little foreshadowing there at the end when you said,

Zin chuckled deviously. "Told you. This is just the usual."

Kita hid her nervous shudder. "Good to know."


Not only can this go in any direction, but it's also setting the novel up to go in a particularly dark and menacing direction, which is exactly what I've been waiting for. I'm so excited to see what other deranged monsters your mind can cook up! But as for this chapter, this was an incredible ending that makes me insanely excited for the next chapters!


Overall, I thought this was amazing! The novel's only getting better, and I could never say I'm upset about it! You're doing a fantastic job, and you're clearly a fantastic writer, so just keep doing what you're doing!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




RavenAkuma says...


Thanks so much for another lovely review, and for pointing out those typos! Likewise, it's great to hear that the sibling relationships come through; not to give anything away, but those platonic relationships are a sort of focal point in my writing ~

Thanks again! :)




I would rather die of passion than of boredom.
— Émile Zola