For those who didn't understand or would like clarification anyway...
Spoiler! :
I guess this poem doesn't necessarily need a content warning, but there are some heavy themes here. If you don't understand by the end, I'll clarify in a comment. That aside, I would appreciate your feedback!
Mother Bird, Mother Bird,
Why did you take us away?
Whether we were still hidden in our shells,
Or working on our pin feathers,
You locked your eyes on us,
Another prize in your long collection,
You took us to a faraway nest,
In the tallest trees, above the ground.
Maybe from those trees we’ll soar,
We’ll find our own heights,
Build a loving nest of our own,
If we are lucky, you will nurture us,
You will make sure our wings are strong,
Stay with us as we begin to fly,
Ensure we do not crash,
And if we do, you’ll try to catch us.
Or are we doomed to fall?
Because the memories of where we come from,
The family you stole us from, the broken nest,
Maybe it’s too much for us to bear.
And if not, maybe it’s because of you,
A tyrant in the nest, beak and talons sharpened,
Plucking our feathers, waiting for the day to push,
So we will inevitably fall and crash.
Mother Bird, Mother Bird,
We can understand why you took us away,
Our nest was broken, we needed help,
But you are blind to our pain.
You leave us to rot with these memories,
You place us in a nest full of thorns,
We get torn apart, and you still expect us to fly,
And when we fail, you never blame yourself.
My feathered friends,
Hardworking birds coming home to roost,
Cherish your hatchlings, if you have them,
And for those hatchlings,
Those starting to fly and those still learning,
Every nest has its cracks, I understand,
But I beg of you, as a stolen egg,
Cherish it for as long as you have it.
You may think your woods are safe,
Because it’s full of cardinals or blue jays,
All on one page, no one thinks that way,
But it’s all the same, and it takes just one mistake.
Mother Bird is a callous old crow, waiting to swoop,
Feeding on the carrion of fallen fledglings,
And even if you fix your nest as she sees fit,
You won’t receive mercy from her.
Mother Bird, Mother Bird,
We hate that you took us away.
You were mistaken, not all of our nests were broken,
And when our mothers and fathers came crawling,
Begging forgiveness, heeding our cries,
Tearing themselves apart to prove their worth,
You still wouldn’t let us go,
And you will never let us fly.
For those who didn't understand or would like clarification anyway...
Hi hi!
This is so gorgeous! I'm in love with this poem! :O
It's hard to write about serious issues like what you've mentioned below, but I think you've done it perfectly! I don't personally have experience with issues like that, but I can feel the rawness here. Even if I didn't have the clarification, I would've assumed this was about foster care or an abusive parent. The want for freedom and the forced dependence is just haunting! It's such a captivating way to describe the topic.
The bird imagery is beautiful! The idea of the "mother bird" character is perfect for the guise of authority you've written. There is an overwhelming feeling of dread that I feel when I see all of the bird imagery. For example, the thorn-filled nest! The imagery is nurturing and motherly at first, but over the course of the poem, it unfolds into the feeling that something is off. That is felt throughout the poem!
I usually don't like structured poetry, but the refrain really works here! The repetition of “Mother Bird, Mother Bird” reinforces the sense of helplessness that they must be feeling. It feels like someone is pleading! That is perfect for the theme!
Though, some stanzas feel slightly heavier than others in terms of content and the rhythming. For example, the shift from describing the "stolen eggs" to giving advice to caregivers feels abrupt! It's not that the pacing is off, but I feel like you're trying to juggle too many ideas at once. Some metaphors don't get the same amount of attention I think. Maybe you could try to connect it better!
This was stunning though! It made me feel so many things! It's hard to truly capture emotion, but you've done it *so* well here! This is so good! ^-^
~ Seoyoung
That's a powerful message to the world and especially (what I liked most about it) to other "fledglings" who aren't appreciating their cracked homes, but still homes. Gratitude is waht would really move the world forward. It's nice to be reminded, thanks!
Nice poem written by the author.
This poem is full of messages the author wants to convey to her/his mother from a long time. Its a mother's duty to look after its children, but what if her children don't listen to her (that's not the case here). They want to soar high in the sky, but their mother is not pulling them out of those past, bad memories (here refers to the thorny nest) and still the mother expects her children to fly high in the sky like other children, not possible. Caring about someone does mean to just ask them if they are ok, it means to worry about them, from the start till the end. I can relate and I understand what you are trying to convey here.
Here is what I can understand from the poem.
Awesome poem.
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
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