Sorry, you say?
With a spray of bullets you darkened our lives.
With a glib “I”m sorry!” you attempt to brighten our day?
To fill this unimaginable emptiness that gnaws our hearts away,
dissolve the sinister silence of beloved voices no longer heard
and restore the joy-engendering smiles that brought us parental pride?
-
As if we could suffer the insufferable bandage you offer our gaping wounds?
As if the fertile futures you truncated could be compensated
and our deepest of sorrows sublimated in such a casual way?
As if your glib apology could ever replace the youthful grace
of voices turned to mere memories,
pleasant songs,
loving hugs,
precious kisses,
smiles suddenly savaged into nonexistence?
-
You are sorry, you dare say?
How simple!
How insulting!
Better not to speak to us at all.
Better not to gaze our way.
-
Leave us alone!
Just go away!
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
I feel the pain in the story and just the overall tenseness of the poem. I don't really have anything to say grammatically wrong about it. I love the meaning of how like sorry is used as kind of like a bad work considering most people say sorry way too much. I also love the imagery in the poem. I can just feel the pain of the people and I just feel bad for them. I feel emotionally distressed and your poem just made me think about life, which is what writing is all about, to get people thinking. I say keep up the good work and continue to make people think.
Thanks for the review and the encouraging words. You are right about the saying sorry and then resuming. Happens too much.
Hello! I haven't reviewed poetry in a while, so this probably won't be the best, but this has been in the Green Room for quite a while so I figured I would try my best to give some thoughts!
**disclaimer: I will most likely focus on negative aspects more so than positive aspects when reviewing, and this is just to help you grow as a writer! It is totally okay not to agree with something I say! Also, If I repeat anything already said, it's probably because it needs to be changed!**
Spelling:
*Sorry, you say?
*of bullets, you darkened
Poem:
This line doesn't make much sense to me, suffer a bandage? I'm not saying it's wrong, just that personally, it doesn't make sense in my mind.
this is a nice poem, I feel like there could be more added, but it doesn't make the poem's message less understood the way it stands, just that I feel there is more opportunity within this text.
I want to add I totally agree with the message in this. Gun violence is heartbreaking, and something needs to be done to stop it. I agree people like to just say "sorry" or cover it up with some other excuse but we really need to actually do something about it instead of just talking about it.
I know this review is short and I don't have much to say, partly because this was a lovely poem! I do hope I helped in one way or another, though
- Del
Thanks for the review and the compliment. I will correct the punctuation. To suffer means to put up with or to accept or tolerate.